A day as a cat!

Wish you were there...

2011-10-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

Was at Malaysia for a 2 day 1 night farmstay... it was a nice experience to spend time with animals and nature.to get away from my busy work schedule.. we saw goat herding, shepherd dogs, beautiful fields, blue skies and so much more... in the night, with no entertainment and no city lights, four of us took our own chairs from the balcony and sat on the dusty road where we saw numerous stars and even a couple of fireflies...

It was really a beautiful sight.. fireflies, stars, nice breezy weather.. as I sat out there with Ray alone, I wished you were the one seated there to share that beautiful moment with me. As we started on the road trip, it reminded me of the one we had and I wished you were next to me in the driver seat...

I cant seem to shake off that feeling even as I came back.. so I only wish I could blog abt it and i would be able to share that beautiful moments... maybe i cant even tell anybody about it... because everyone thinks I have left everything behind me... even i thought so... but thru this trip, i realised there were moments where i wished only you were there with me and not anybody else....

To the peacock who lost its feathers

2011-07-12T07:32:00.003+08:00

We did a test in the office the other day to find out what bird personality we were. Mine hovered around being a peace loving dove and a flamboyant peacock...

Everyone felt that i was more peacock than a dove due to my outgoing personality.. What they did not know is that the peacock nature was carved out of me during my event days..it wasnt the real me...the real me is like eeyore.. Quiet, passive and blue...recently at work, due to the competition from another peacock, i've turned more into a dove lookalike human being.. In fact, i hate the competition.. I wanted to be a team player and work together...why fight when u are from the same team?

Work has turned into a mundane job for me now.. The project has rolled out but there's only me managing the whole thing. I am trying my best but maybe my best is not enough for the management.. I worked day and night in silence.. On my own.. Something which i have never done in my whole career.. I resented work because of this... I feel upset to go to work, pissed at the sheer amount of work that was on me alone and nobody was offering help...

I contemplated to throw in my letter and get something else.. I'm still hanging in there for the time being.. Until i find something better i guess. I used to enjoy my work there but since the other peacock came, it seems as if i have lost my feathers... Looking more like a timid dove though... Hopefully this period will pass faster and things will get better..

Soon & I

2011-06-05T00:49:00.002+08:00

Soon & I met 2.5 years ago.. at one of my friend's graduation ceremony. I wasn't formally introduced to him but I remember him giving a small speech during the ceremony and I found him full of energy (and he still is!)

6 months later, I was formally introduced to Soon at a bucket list event. He shared his glorious past and his humbling present. In that short few hours, he unlocked one of the biggest knot I had in my heart at that point in time. To tell somebody how much I loved him. As I listened to his own story, my heart felt for him and my heart was crying too... and eventually as we sat to gather our thoughts for the night, real tears flowed. It was just too much to bear for one night... The night ended with a midnight kite flying expedition at the Marina Barrage and a promise to meet more often for such events.

Fast forward to 2010, I met Soon again at another bucket list event. This time, I was already in my current job and working furiously away while juggling my own company. I couldnt make it till the end of the night and had to run off even before the fun truly began. Soon & I merely said a word of hi and bye that night...

In May 2011, Soon was giving a talk on life coaching and invited me along... It was a fun session, knowing more people and more interesting people... Soon, as usual was the highlight of the day.. numerous people wanted to speak to him and catch up with him... and I left for another appointment after a while. Later that night, Soon & I arranged for a coffee session the next day...

Through that relaxing coffee session, Soon could see how less happy I was compared to the 1st time he met me 2 years ago. More knots were tied around me, more things to worry about and more negativity around me. He heard my 'sob sob' story about work and gave his advice... the most that mattered was the fact that for a person who is super busy, he bothers to spend time to listen to somebody who has been an acquaintance for the past 2 years. This is something that truly touched my heart.

After that 2 hours session, a lot of questions popped in my mind. As I was on leave the next day, a lot of time was spent rethinking about priorities and the passion in my life... in fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wished I had thrown in my resignation letter...to prevent myself from doing that, I had to take MC for the next day... basically just rot and do nothing... so that's how 'powerful' Soon's conversation can be...

Things have gone back to normal... the resignation shall be left till after the July big project is over before I can think about it again... and hopefully, by then I will be ready to face the other knots in my life...

I wanna...

2011-05-17T19:47:00.003+08:00

Go on a trip alone...

to visit friends, to seek new experiences or basically to chill out on my own...

I missed my India trip where I had gone there with an open mind, alone, only friends who stays there to bring me around.. oh yes, not forgetting the wonderful drinking session...

so away with the travel mates and all other things that come with it.. Different iternary, different agendas etc.. I wanna just go on my own, do my own stuff, be on my own pace...

I thought of where i wanted to go.. I thought of going to india again to enjoy other sights and to catch up with some friends.. Also, i thought of korea again, probably busan to see a whole different set of experiences.. I thought of even flying further to canada to visit pam and to see the northern lights. So many places i wanna go and see.. With or without a partner...

Of course, i tot of the type of risks that comes with it.. I have also heard of horror stories of solo female travellers being robbed, raped and left to die..but there are times i choose to put it away in some black hole in my mind..

Shall start planning for my first solo trip.. Get myself lost in an unfamiliar city..

New Song that I like...

2011-05-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

Taking a short break...

2011-03-06T00:03:00.005+08:00

I took time off work on the coming mon... for some weird reason, i do feel excited about the leave... i told cubix abt it and she said it's bcos i needed a break.. Maybe... too much has happened and I have learnt my lessons from the various things that happened.. maybe it is time to digest those lessons...

work wise, clashes between team members have started to surface... team lead is pushing more work over as she spends more time with her main portfolio and i have been officially 'sold' to another ministry for my main portfolio... which means I can no longer do the things that I like to do... the idea of being sold is not something in the plan... so for a while I was confused... plus with all the clashes of the team members... when my team lead is hardly around, it's all left up to me... how do u deal with kids in an adult manner? Best of all, the effort I had put in for one of the main processes got overturned and my team lead whom had initially agreed with the idea was one of the main voices... how ironic... colleagues at work are turning into animals which I do not seem to understand... backstabbing each other, creating more redundant work for themselves so that they look more busy but in the end, it is the consumers who suffer... what logic is this? i dunno much about work survival but i know to survive in an office, u need to do things with ur brain...

In business wise, i turned down the opportunity to be an official party supplier for one of the big names here as i figured out it was not a profit making collaboration... hard decision for me as the company is just starting out and i need to put my name out there... but I reckon this is not the way i want to go... so its back to the drawing board AGAIN...

I found out that one of my friends who had a HUGE crush on this other colleague of ours for a couple of years now...Only this morning that I realised that the other colleague is married and the bride is not my friend... oops.. i can almost imagine how she will feel...

The most embarrassing thing happened in public... a friend had jokingly pulled my pony tail in public in a bid to stop me from walking out of a store... and as a result, i nearly fell backwards as she was pulling too hard at my pony tail. While I'm worried that I would fall backwards, I was more embarrassed to be held 'captive' in such a manner. As I struggled to break free, I nearly hit somebody who was at the back of us.. and I tell you, I will never tie a pony tail again when I am meeting this friend. Will tie it into a bun. I thought there were always better ways to stop a person, than this childish method...

I started Korean lessons again and this time with NUS whom I regard as a more reputable institution. True enough, even though I would think that the pace at which they teach is much slower than most commercial schools, they are much more thorough.. and through the explanation of why certain rules are made the way they are, it makes the language a whole lot easier. Just finished my 3rd lesson and I am almost able to read all the Korean words. Of cos, the vocab and grammar is something that needs to be accumulated over time... but I'm still glad that I chose this course... partly also because of the alumni discount.. hehe...

To you: I dunno why these days you come to my mind so ever often... I frequently think about the times we were together, the times I feel so protected and safe in your arms and how I would always shared everything with you. These days when I fight a battle at work, pushing my way through with the new initiatives that I want to implement, I think of what you tell me when I was struggling during my event course days.. you will always be there for me and you will be proud of me.. even though I had lost a battle just last week, as I sat in the office very late in the night and I was the only one left, I would always tell myself what you tell me and I will get the strength to carry on... Although our relationship may never be the same again, we may drift further apart, I want you to know that during my trying times, the words you said to me meant the world to me and I wish you didnt have to fight the battles that I need to at work...

Finally, here's a clip from the recent concert that I have gone to... raymond lam.. one of hong kong's brightest stars in recent years... one of my favourite segments.. p.s this guy cant dance to save his life... this is pretty much the best he can do...

To Pam with Love...

2011-02-07T23:07:00.004+08:00

hey Pam, I got your letter and it's definitely a surprise for me! I love receiving mail although I dun receive much! Here's my reply to your mail!

============================================

Wow... it's been such a long time since I last updated! Let's see... I missed the Xmas , New Year and now it's the Lunar New Year in Singapore... Lots have happened since then... let me do a quick recap...

I had gone on a short getaway to KL after the staff retreat with my aunts and my mom... it was a bit bleah due to the differences in shopping style but I'm just glad that my mom had a great time and the whole purpose was to bring her for a holiday and I'm glad I did it.

I had a lousy Xmas cos I was running a fever and some other nonsense, missed a lot of luncheons in the office and even had no appetite for Cubix's sponsored Xmas lunch... but despite it, we had a great time on Xmas eve and even took some 'scandalous' pics... Not many xmas presents.. ray got me a humidifier which was a surprise for me... and the office peeps had left tons of candies on my desk during my absence... which i was more than glad to chuck half of them to other ppl.... am trying very hard to get junk food out of my drawers...

New Year's Eve was also spent with Cubix... we had a great time shopping and got a lot of *ahem* clothings...it was a great shopping trip... esp when you know you have slogged the year away... I didnt do any countdown this year... I spent a quiet countdown with my two kids... both of them are turning 9 this yr and they still never fail to amaze me everyday... * I will get to my New Yr's resolutions later*

I took time off for the week of Lunar New Yr and although I was supposed to go back to work today, I was down with slight food poisoning... despite this, CNY was great as I had spent catching up with my relatives, including family gossips... so & so married so & so and so & so divorced... blah blah blah.... Although I was supposed to be on MC today, I made a quick trip to Ikea and got some stuff for my room, went for a swim, brought Xaviar out on a short shopping trip for books and spent more time with my cats * erm, they were sleeping the whole time though*

Now for the different aspects of my life...

During my absence from the blog, most of my time were spent at work.. trying to avoid arrows that seemed to be coming my way, trying to pluck out arrows that were stuck at my back and also trying to shoot arrows at people... work environment is a complicated place and to survive you need to outsmart all these peeps, observe what is happening and decide who's camp you wanna be in... nobody really cares if you finish your work or have you taken the initiative to get something done. The focus is always what you have not done or done insufficiently. There are days I go home, almost ready to get myself out of this craziness but for the sake of other priorities and dreams in life, I got to stay put for the time being. How long, I dunno... Cubix has thrown in the towel, partially because hubby has found something better and she needs to be the Minister of Home Affairs and also due to the craziness in the office. Of cos, I got to take part of the blame for pulling her into this... but when she made up her mind, I'm glad and deep down, I'm counting down to the days she finally can leave this mad place.

On a personal level, my sideline is starting to kick off... as with every year, I want to jumpstart it... but the energy fizzes out the moment my $$ runs out... but this time it is different as we have potential clients and we are in discussion for exclusive provision of services which is a huge thing for a small setup like ours... the current job pays me well enough to set aside $$ for the company and this is one main reason why I am still in the midst of the craziness and even resorting to different means and ways against my own wishes to survive.

My love life is still a blank at the moment as I'm more focused on my career... over the last CNY, relatives have been asking when am I finding myself a good man and stop collecting ang bows... i would just smile and rub it off... besides, I enjoy the life now.. no shared house, no shared bills, no burden and all.. of cos, I really wouldnt mind if I have a non committed relationship... like what a friend tells me, one which is like a relationship of companionship. Good enough for me.

To recall what were the accomplishments in 2010, the list is a bit long.. but definitely a fulfilling one:

1. Organised OCBC Cycle Singapore 2010 - despite a broken leg and upsetting situations, I'm glad I did it at least once. NO MORE!

2. Did F1 Singapore 2010. Managed a bunch of kids, rude and unhappy public during the 3 day event and yes, I was proud of it.

3. Travelled twice to Korea - The biggest reward I had for the 2 trips was knowing Min Yong, Jason and got to feel the true warmth of Koreans and of cos, not forgetting watching World Cup 2010 with thousands of Koreans and cheering for the Korean team.

4. Found myself a permanent job - despite the craziness... it paid the bills and let me survive...

5. Contributed more towards my alma mater - took the time to sit in the organising committee for QSS alumni dinner and we managed to pull off the event for 270 pax. Although I was a little disappointed that none of my classmates turned up to support, I was happy that I contributed my little effort. This year, it will be the school's 50th anniversary and I sit in the organising committee again, organising for 1000 pax.

6. Had a stronger relationship with Cubix. of cos I felt bad about putting her into the shit hole but I'm glad she knew that it was out of good intention for her to put bread on the table. When she broke down over the phone, my heart broke and the sense of guilt got heavier. So when she finally made the decision to go, I was relieved that she didnt need to go through all that anymore. Despite all that we went through, the two of us can still raise our glasses and drink to the strong friendship forged over the years. For somebody who has been betrayed by so-called BFFs since young, this type of friendship is almost extinct in my world but Cubix made it happen again.

In fact, in 2011, I want to accomplish lots more... including those that I did not manage to accomplish in 2010. Here's the list:

1. learn Korean (enrolled in classes starting on 19 Feb)

2. learn how to drive ( erm, still pending cos I'm really looking for a chauffeur)

3. Start my own business ( with a great ka kia (underling) I foresee this happening )

4. save more money (yes, my bank was looking a bit happier until my shopping horns decided to appear)

5. travel more (planning more short trips to recharge myself, maybe taiwan, korea this yr)

6. exercise more (yes yes yes... it has always been there in my list)

Hopefully, this time round, by 2012, I can accomplish more than this list of items.

Now, here's Meow Meow & Boy Boy wishing you a happy new yr!

Meow : *opens one eye* meow~~~

Boy: MEOW!!!!!

Reliving breakups

2010-12-27T23:16:00.003+08:00

I fell sick 2 days before Christmas.. high fever with an inflamed throat... I managed to crawl to the doctor, almost fainted at the door step of the clinic... managed to see the doctor and got sent home with some medication. Slept the whole day and that drove away the fever and I was wishfully thinking that I would be fit for work the next day....

Cubix and I went on to enjoy a delicious Christmas lunch at one of the hotels... though my throat was painful and I could hardly even swallow, I made myself eat a fair bit of amount of food... some how in my tiny brain, the only thought that came to mind was that I had to eat to get better... when I got home, fever came back and I slept through Christmas, despite the thought of sending christmas wishes to my beloved friends... I was too sick...

I met Bev and another colleague for dinner the next day... got drenched in a bit of rain.. and i got my hands on the TVB series "Mysteries of Love" by Raymond Lam.... I spent my whole weekend watching it.... what captivated me was how heartbroken the female lead was when raymond lam broke up with her and how she coped with life after that. And eventually, when Raymond Lam decided he wanted the relationship back, the female lead showed him the scars that she did to herself in order to forget him... that struck me hard...

it brought me back to my last breakup... where no amount of crying could help to bring the relationship back, where it hurts so badly that even breathing was painful... what was different was he never knew how hurt I was and how much I missed him during that painful period, how much I yearned for him...

As I laid on my bed, struggling to get well, the pain of being alone and sick came back to me again... I dragged my broken body to work this morning, only to find out that my network is not working and my migraine had been triggered as I pushed myself to work so that I could block out all other thoughts... Resigned, I went to the doctor again and this time with 2 days of medical leave. I came home and went to bed again... and thoughts came flooding again...

Although it has been 2 years ago, sometimes the hurt comes back to haunt me... and like what my friend tells me, " it's time to let go, find somebody else new", you wonder when will that somebody new come along... even if they stand in front of me, would I be courageous enough to accept it? I took a leap of faith when I started another relationship and found myself full of wounds in an abyss.. would I be that brave to take that leap of faith again?

Long busy week...

2010-11-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

It has been a long and busy 2 weeks... with the skin allergy that I had, work has been delayed and I did all I could to clear all the work that has been sitting on top of me when I'm busy scratching...

I spent the last thursday and friday clearing everything... I sat down and quieten myself to work... By Friday night, I cleared almost 90% of my work... I left work at 830pm, happy that I managed to finish majority of my pending work. Despite missing some of the deadlines, I'm still glad I made it by Friday.

I realised that work has been alright for me although I have been upset over certain reporting structures and other nitty gritty... I also realised that in order to survive in any place, you got to tell yourself to stop hearing all the negative things in the office... so and so is leaving, so and so is unhappy, so and so is .... when I started this job, all I cared about was the money and the fact that it allowed me to go home on the dot so that it allows me to do all other things that I wanted to. I didnt know what has changed.. maybe it was the permanent position or the added responsibilities, I get easily swayed by all the negative things that people are saying into my ears...

I learnt my lessons well.. i left a lot of jobs in the previous companies due to such negativity... but i realised when you listen to such things, you tend to forget the main motive of taking up this job... i left events to do an admin job... but yet, giving my past experience in events, i'm tasked with almost all their events... be it good or bad, i'm glad because there is still a small relevance to my passion... my bosses see me as somebody who can do bigger things in the job and i see everything they task me to do as a form of training for the bigger things in life... if i cannot even handle such a tiny thing, how else can i handle a bigger job? So when my neighbours are complaining of overwhelming work, unreasonable bosses and all other sorts, i'm just glad that i have this job that pays the bills, lets me expand my potential and even let me do a little bit of events...

Of work, allergies and all sorts

2010-11-06T23:29:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I blogged... the last post was in Aug (eeps!) I've been super busy with everything in life.. and of cos, there have been times I picked up my laptop trying to put in some lines for my blog.. but some how, the inspiration flies away the moment I hit the second line...

Here's my little update...

I finished my stint with F1 Singapore 2010 and had a fabulous time! The sound of the engines, the burning rubber smell and of course, the crew that were under me and the counterparts that I had worked with were simply unforgettable. Despite not able to get to do events in the pit building, being on the ground with the foundation people who made F1 possible is a great experience for me.

I started on my temp job when I came back from Seoul..cubix joined the company soon after that.. the company has since converted me to their full time staff, complete with benefits and yes, a great pay. A lot much more than what I imagined or even wanted. Maybe because my greed was insatiable... I wanted to justify to myself that the work or shit that i will be doing for them is worth every single cent that I see in the bank account. The environment is political with lots of undercurrent and gossips. The one whom didnt like politics in the past has learnt to make full use of my innocent looking face and make such politics work for me in order to get what I want.. sounds evil but I see this as how one needs to survive in such an environment. So far, I'm surviving and I want to survive till I get promoted to the deputy manager position and lead my own division. As for my passion in events, it hasnt fizzled out. In the course of my work, I'm still helping to plan major briefing sessions, retreats etc. This helps to keep me in touch with the industry and lets me keep my passion going...

In the meantime, I'm also helping my school to organise the alumni dinner... the first time I have seen my own photoshop work being printed into a huge poster and used as a publicity material... yes, it makes me feel proud.

I had a busy work week 2 weeks ago and went back to work last sat to clear my work and decided to help cubix buy a marimo (it's a japanese green algae ball) for her to relieve her stress... but the boo boo me accidentally slipped and fell and sprained my ankle (again!). Went to the chinese doctor to get some medication and there I go again, got allergic to the medication and my skin started to have ezcema again... now my left leg looks like a puffer fish due to water retention and the broken skin...sigh.... my kitties look at me and sigh, shake their head and walk away... as i hop to work almost everyday and struggle to do everything and refuse to let anyone take me as an invalid, it's getting better now... skin seems to be healing and all... hopefully by mid of next week, it can fully recover...

next week is going to be another busy week... lots of things to do and follow up, especially when I have not done much this week... let's hope for a better week..

Happy Diwali! I miss you.

Me and you...

2010-08-12T00:24:00.002+08:00

I think it is just me...

I tried to help you to find something that helps...though not a lot but it eases the burden a bit... but why do I feel as if this is not something you were looking for and it's as if I forced it down your throat? Why do I heard grumblings more than sighs of relieve? Was I wrong?

Now that we started on it together, why do I find it hard to tell you that during the past 1 month I have felt enmity from some of them and I push you away from me because I didnt want you to have the same fate as me? Why is it hard for me to explain to you that you and I have a difference and the difference separates us in the eyes of others and it impacts how others see you as well? Some things which I have overheard in the washroom, corridors and all, how should I share it with you to explain why I am so indifferent at work?

I wish you would just understand and yet dun change our relationship... while I try to be nice and non political, I have learnt the hard way to play this game... if you choose to be nice, you only stand to lose this game and lose it badly... survival of the fittest, I have learnt it well... keep myself away from prying eyes and only in those who will pull you in times of danger... only then I can safeguard myself.... there are times, I hate myself for putting on a mask but this is the way I survive through the jungle where everyone is ready to bite and swallow you whole in my previous industry...

I wish somebody else was here to share this burden with me.... it is only such times that I think of him... I'm sure he will teach me how to handle such fragile relationships and yet grow from it... without him, i just got to learn how to protect myself by myself...

Growing old...

2010-08-01T17:18:00.002+08:00

As much as I dun wish to admit it, I'm growing old... I spent almost 30 yrs on this planet, enjoying all that it has got to offer... and it's only the past 2 years which I truly enjoyed myself... what do I mean by that?

In my first 21 years, I was bothered by exams, tuition, childish things such as "I dun friend you anymore!"... then the next 6 years, I was bothered by weight, career, life partner issues... by 27, I was thrown into another dimension where I decided to pursue another career and re-start everything in my life again... the next 2 years, I spent energy on learning the tricks and traits of the industry, sometimes even wondering if I am suitable for this industry at all. Of cos, in the midst of it, I spent time wondering about marriage life, love, friendships and what am I gonna do for the rest of my life.

Ever since the starting of my own little setup, I was more settled.. a lot of people looked at my resume and said, " are u on a lookout for contract work constantly?" I used to be bothered by it but I guess I should be thankful that all these temp/contract jobs gave me the experience and contacts that I needed within a short period of time.... also because of the nature of the work, I have more time to pursue things that I really want to do such as learning photoshop, contributing back to my alma mater, spending time with my family etc... things that matter to me... as long as there is enough money to go around, i'm grateful. of cos, there are good friends who know I am cash strapped sometimes and stuff things down my throat, be it an incentive trip or cold hard cash, it is their way of caring... and while sometimes my pride gets the better of me, i'm grateful for such friends around me...

Now, I no longer want to be part of the 'in' group, i wanna just be myself, be comfortable in my own skin... without conforming to the society's views of how a 30 yr old should be. who says a 30 yr old should be married with kids now? I'm just looking for a companion.. as long as we are happy together, it's good enough for me. if we want kids, then get married when we are ready.. go with the flow of things and not with the number of years...

recently, a conversation with another friend made me realise that another friend of ours was one of the most hated person amongst the few of us... they didnt like the person and pretended to be on good terms... I found that to be quite sad... imagine a few yrs later, i will grow to be like that... oh man... imagine if that friend knew the truth... how devastating would that be for the person? I just want to treat everyone with a genuine heart... be it whether you have hurt me or loved me from the bottom of your heart... I just want to be true and real and I think so far, I have done well in this aspect...

Reaching 30 in a few mths will be another milestone for me... another new chapter of my life... more adventures to come and more great things to come... here's a toast to life, toast to me growing old!

Run your own race...

2010-07-28T23:41:00.003+08:00

I've been meaning to write this long long time ago... but never managed to until now...

I overheard this sometime ago on a bus, " you know, xxx came from raffles girls' school(one of the top school in singapore) so of course she gets ahead better than us who went to neighbourhood schools la..." it was something which was in my mind for a while... i remember my idiotic friend also said something similar when i shared with him the success story of our old school boys... at some point, i felt he was demeaning himself as a neighbourhood school graduate... he lamented that he could have done better if he went to a better school... I remember this instance where I just got into the business of helping the alumni manage their school events, I was optimistic it would lead me somewhere.. he frowned upon hearing that and said i was wasting my time... he didnt really want to have anything to do with this neighbourhood school.. anyway, i digress....

so from the various success stories i have heard from school, from a person who wasnt sure if i can make it in the events industry to somebody who is knee deep in it, i believed that hardwork pays off. I asked Shaun one night about this (he comes from the top boys school) and he says, " well, it does help in one way or another" maybe you will have richer friends or friends who has more connections or the school preps you much more for working smart...but no matter what, how much you success in life, it depends on how much you work hard for it... most successful ppl will tell you that they spent hours at work and sacrificed a lot of other things. You hardly will hear ppl say they got lucky and they could get successful with only 2 hrs of work. BS.

So I concluded that hard work pays off but everyone's timing is different and some people just need to give much more hard work than others but they all work hard.

So sometime even closer to the present, I read in one of the magazines/papers that female tend to compare with their peers more than males. Which is quite true in my case. We always compare with some other lady my age and her title in the company with mine... and let's say if she's married with kids, I'll calculate when she got married and when she had her first kid mentally in my brain. Same goes for some other ladies who are older than me. Just to see if I match up or not. I remembered the bit about hard work but I wondered also when is my time to shine gonna come or is it ever coming at all?! FYI, most of my peers are either married with kids, or simply single with a long suffering boyfriend. I'm pretty much the only one who is still a swinging single.

Now, sometime this week, I heard this podcast by Robin Sharma who shares the idea of running your own race. Successful leaders focus on their own goals and ignores what their competitors are doing. They stay focused. So coupled with hard work, you also need to stay focused and block out what others are doing... because, only you can measure yourself on whether you are successful or not or are whatever that you are chasing after is really part of your successful matrix at all. So I guess it really boils down to what you are really after.. be it money, fame or just plain happiness. Only you can judge yourself and not the people surrounding you cos only YOU matter.

Love Rain - Kim TaeWoo

2010-07-19T23:51:00.001+08:00

To run away...

2010-07-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

from everything literally....

It's been 3 weeks since I started my non-events life... it prob explains my 3 weeks of explosive and evasive behaviour... first week was trying to get used to the environment, second was trying to get some work done, however, having most of it sent back due to minor problems... never put full stop, comma, forget one line etc.. you get the drift... third and current week, i spent my first day of the week trying to get used to sitting in the open office where everyone can see what you are doing... my only form of release for my excess energy which i gathered from events is to keep walking all over the place.. to go get print outs, toilet, get water, look for my boss... it was a torturous tasks... and there are times I truly wonder why did I make such a choice... I got irritated by the tons of paper that this whole company of 40 people use on a daily basis, the tons of weird print outs i need to print in order to protect my own ass... i really got fed up one day and I really wanted to call it quits cos I simply cannot stand the paper wastage, the backstabbing and the old ways of working... i really wanted to give it all up...

on top of that, i had to listen to the complaints that my friends had...bah.. who is gonna listen to me then? i dun care if you dun get enough from your bonus, u dun get a fucking job and you have problems with your bf/hubby/pet or anybody else... i dun really want to be the superwoman who listens to it all... i tried my best to listen and offered my best advice, take it or leave it... i'm also struggling too here... i'm trying to find time to do business development for my company, do F1, try and earn a bit more cash on top of everything... sometimes i just wish i had the same luck as i did when i finished my internship... to be placed on a plane to somewhere and truly be free for 6 days... i miss those carefree days... i dun have to think of anything else, just be myself.. drink and be merry... despite whatever happened after that was not pleasant, i still had fun during those few days... while korea was fun, that trip was different... but oh well, that's all in the past.. nobody is gonna do that anymore and we have all moved on...

in addition to all that, as if it's not enough, my poor broken leg seems to decide that it does not want to be nice these days... I might have to go back to the hospital to see if the bone is fully healed and wonder if I need to do anything more to it? because of the poor leg, i'm not even able to walk in my heels now... i got to hang up my heels and my ever so pretty heels... those who knew me for a long long time would know i love my heels... i hated the ballet flats... they make me feel shorter than I am.. bah!

Whatever happens, I gotta hold onto my dream... be it what others say, be it how others put it down...i know some of my friends have been trying to share job opportunities with me... thank u for your kind offers but no thank you and pls bear in mind, i need more support in finding business opportunities more than job offers... while you are happy earning your own keep each month, i'm happier trying to challenge myself to bigger things in life and see how far i fare...

at this moment, I wished for somebody to be seated next to me while I blog... although the seat is empty, it is good enough to know somebody is here with me, walking with me every step I take and being my anchor, making sure I stay grounded. Thank you.

Day when I AWOLed

2010-07-11T09:56:00.005+08:00

For my overseas friends: AWOL - Absence without leave, a term we use for local guys who enter into army and go missing without telling their superior

So this is what I did this morning... I was supposed to have a site recce this morning... I took off... I guess I really needed time to do my own stuff instead of going for a site recce, imagining what would be an overhead bridge and some other stuff on the road when it is not even built... makes no sense to me... so i took off...

I had a lot of things which I need inspiration to do but yet have nothing at the moment.,. it's quite a frustrating thing when inspiration runs away from you the moment you need them the most... I need to do up the poster for my school alumni dinner, the email to my potential clients, promoting them my new company, do more for my website.... the list goes on... now with regular work on weekdays, either weekday nights or weekends are the only time i can get to work on other stuff... not to even mention to spend time catching up with my friends, doing stuff for f1, catching up with my korean wave and spending time with my family and two cats... i used to be able to manage all of them.. but these 1 mth, i'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed... i suddenly just stopped doing everything altogether... no more drive, no more urgency to get things done...

it took me a whole week to get my website done up when it could have just taken me 3 days... and still, i'm not happy with it even though my partner just felt it was ok to his standards... i blame the inspiration that run away from home...

initially, i wanted to carry on rolling on my bed when i made up my mind not to go for the recce... then i told myself that maybe i should get up and get out of the house and do some stuff... i took my laptop and landed at coffee bean...now waiting for shaun to appear and spend some time with me, motivating me and pushing me to work.. haha... slavedriver shaun i call him... but the soft and slittery me who can almost slip off any chair cos i'm so unmotivated, might just not even budge at all...

A different kind of event management...

2010-07-09T12:53:00.000+08:00

Having attended so many school alumni meetings and done event management for a couple of years, events management, to me, takes effort and is time consuming.. maybe because I'm a virgo, I like perfection and try as much as I can to drive everything to a perfect ending... of course, there are also times which perfection also ends up in a disaster...

anyway, my school is organising the annual purple nite dinner and we skipped last year due to the flu bug and so this year, we're planning it again and with more people coming in to help out, things seem a bit easier. As most event professionals will tell you, you start with budget, timeline and all other nonsense and then you do milestones tracking.. blah blah blah.. and of course, not forgetting the numerous meetings that you need to attend to discuss the various problems and possible solutions that you have... and one to two weeks before the event, you spend sleepless nights in the office trying to cover all the loopholes that suddenly popped up and scramble for all other nonsense that can only be done a few days before the event... almost all the time, you would be so dead tired by the time the event is over and all you can think of is your bed...

Now, here's what the school alumni - purple nite organising committee will tell you. We set the theme to be purple and white, you go get sponsorship for food, prizes and other stuff that needs money.. go ask around and see if there are former students who wants to sponsor or simply make them sponsor!! Then you go print the banners, invitation cards etc. You go do the design for all the stuff. You go put it up on the publicity platforms. We go settle the video montage and programme. You go settle the manpower.. just go ask the students to help out.. carry tables and chairs la... and then we will go ask our ex classmates to come.. the end of story... simple and sweet right?

I sat there and watched as I looked at the enthusiatic former students put in place the whole event within an hr.. delegate who to do what and even settle the nitty gritty stuff... i'm amazed... although i used to be skeptical about how this whole event will turn out, knowing full well how disinterested my classmates were, i cant help but think this event will be a success in the end...

what I really learnt from this session is that, while we were taught that events management really just needs common sense, as well dig deeper and work longer in the industry, we tend to forget the basic way of working.. delegation and take ownership... no need for fanciful timelines and all, just plain old good cooperation will work its magic...

Dealing with disappointment...

2010-06-20T01:06:00.002+08:00

A lot of times I felt I could handle disappointment well enough...I could see on the bright side of life.. laugh off whatever that has happened and move on with life...but this time is different I guess... it bugged me for a couple of days.. left me unable to work and cant help feeling frustrated... the thing is, in this incident, I learnt not to be so nice anymore... not to be a doormat for people to step on... here's what happened...

a long time school friend asked if I could do a company's logo for his friend... being a newbie at using photoshop, i told him that i'm pretty new at it and might not do a good job.. but he said he didnt mind, after all there is money to be earned.. so why not? so i said alright... and he gave me some vague guidelines with nothing concrete... and he needed in 1 days' time... and he needed 4 logos.... so i dropped everything which i should be doing for my own work to work on his little project as it takes time to create logos and even more so for a newbie like me... so after working through the night, i sent it off in the morning... meeting his deadline...

his comments came back a few days later saying that he liked 1 of the design and wanted me to do more variations for it... and when we met at night, he told me the 7 variations and he wanted it the next morning... i spent another sleepless night at it and sent it off again...

his comments came back a few days later again... and this time he was saying that it was quite ugly... i couldnt believe my eyes when i saw that msg... i sent off my design to a couple of my friends whose comments were like, " it looks good to me." I was not told why was it ugly and no further explanation was given... however, he did tell me that his friend would still pay me for the work done... so i said ok... if he is willing to pay despite not liking it, i was not gonna reject it... so he told me he could pass me the money within the week...

the week came and went... no sign of money... the next week, i asked again over messenger on mon and he suddenly said he wanted the high res file of the logo which he never wanted... something new for me... so for his demands, i had to do that for him and send it to him within the hr as per his request... and then he said he wanted more changes... and he said, " i am not happy with it, of cos I make changes right? It's such a simple thing!" I was upset and frustrated... because of his nonsense, i had to drop everything else to work on his stuff again... and it ruined my monday morning... we met that night... and his first question to me was, " why was the 2nd batch so ugly ah?" I thought it was plain rude and insensitive of him. Maybe being classmates for over 10 yrs, he didnt need to care about my feelings. I asked him what exactly was ugly, he gave me something vague and said something like, its ok, my friend got somebody else to do already.. but what was unsatisfying was that he could not even tell me what was the difference between what he visioned and what I did... so the meeting ended with him telling me that he would transfer the money to me on wed...and i told him why dun u just give your friend my account number so that he can transfer directly into it? he said ok and left...

wed came and 3 sms later, all he could tell me was he is still outside and he will transfer on thurs... i lost it... not only did i not get the money, the promise he made to me to transfer money on wed was broken... and he did not even have the cheek to inform me until i asked... thurs went as well... by then, i told myself, the $100 bucks was a small amount of money to learn my lesson... I was utterly disappointed with this friend who had broken the trust in me and still didnt think it was an issue... fri came... and i thought, well, let's try again.. maybe he was busy... and his excuse was his friend just transferred money to him... and he will transfer to me that night... and as I type, it is already sun.... i sent him an sms to ask about it... no reply...

i dunno what was went wrong... i felt, if your friend has yet to transfer you the cash, tell me upfront... dun make promises that you cannot fulfil... even if you promised and you cant fulfil, tell me what went wrong... i just felt it was not fair... the moment he set a deadline for the things he needs, i fulfil them.. and if i dun think I can make it on time, i try to ask for a longer more realistic deadline... but i still deliver earlier than my promised deadline... at least i expected the same from him... and not disappear like that...

honestly, this is not the first time he has done such a thing.. last time, i used to just accept it as part of his character... but now, I wonder if he just dun treasure this friend that's why he treats me like trash... maybe i am trash to him.. for somebody who does not even have proper career, who does not earn as much as he does... i could jolly well be trash to him... but to me, he was a dear friend whom i have know since i was 13... and such friendships dun come easy... but i guess now its the time to let it go cos i dun want to be treated like trash...but before i trash you, pay me back my money!!!!

Of laptops, friends and couples

2010-06-11T00:26:00.004+08:00

My first laptop crashed not long ago... though revived, it needs a while before it can be powered up... though that experience, I knew how dependent I was on my laptop... not for facebook and all but should I need it for just email or checking of a particular telephone no, I cant... I seriously wondered how did I survived before I got such technology. So now, I wanted to live with my loyal, badly tortured laptop till I get enough money to buy another decent one which can survive my torturous ways. In case you need to know how I torture my appliances, you are always welcome to ask my good friend, Cubix who will tell you in detail about it. * huge grin* So Cubix, who really couldnt take all the suffering that my poor laptop has gone through, decided, one fine day she was gonna get me a new laptop... on a loan basis.

So, after tons of persuasion, she literally, forced a laptop down my throat. Coupled with her ever-nice hubby, we went down to Sim Lim Square to look for my next possible victim. Once the poor victim was found, she paid and nagged at me to go get a nice looking dress for the victim... however, due to the poor workmanship, the dress was poorly done.. but oh well, it has to do till I have money for the next dress...

So yes, as I am blogging this, my new victim is starting up and loading all my needed applications and probably hearing the sad story of its predecessor... but my first victim will still be tortured by me on a regular basis as it will be good for me to do simple things on... hehehe... it doesnt really quite end there ya.. but still I am grateful to Cubix for parting with her hard earned money to let me have this luxury item * yes, it is a necessity to you*

Talking about friends, I ever wondered how it is like to progress from a friend to a couple status... cubix and her hubby were classmates before they got together... sad to say, my love stories have never really happened that way. My ex- other halves were usually people whom I didnt have a chance to know much about before we started... maybe that's why I didnt have all that awkwardness... imagine holding a friend whom you have been so comfortable with.. how weird would that be? If things do not even turn out fine, you lose that friendship too... especially for me whom I treasure friendship a whole lot, that can be quite disturbing...

I've been recently watching this korean reality show called "we got married". In this show, this couple, Jo Kwon and Ga In are singers in their real life. They lead a 2nd life as a married couple on the show. As the show progresses, they find out much more about each other and through their individual interviews, you see a bit of care and concern for each other in them. I wonder if maybe this is what I am looking for.. the type of exploration period between a couple. You know much more about each other everyday.. compared to a friend whom you know well enough, it's different... I guess for me, it's hard to make a friend whom I am close to into my other half...

Meowmy updates...

2010-06-08T01:59:00.002+08:00

Meowmy left for her nightly shopping sessions at our local supermarket... raining some more... she took the umbrella and she left happily at 1am....

Meowmy has been busy these days... while she is at home most of the time, she is always on the laptop, on the phone, dunno what is she so busy with... looks like something on photoshop... meowmy told me the other day that she is doing some company logos for somebody... and she is being paid for it... which is good then meowmy can buy good food for me! other than spending a lot of time at home, meowmy also says she has been meeting shaun kor kor quite often... meowmy says shaun kor kor helps her alot and pushes her alot...i have never really seen this shaun kor kor but meowmy mentioned it to beverly jie jie before saying that he is big and muscular... i wonder what are they up to...... but at least meowmy has got time for us now.. not like last time where we hardly even saw her until late into the night... but meowmy say coming july till end sept she is gonna be very busy cos she took up some freelance thingy with the car racing ppl... dunno what she does too cos she never tells me much.. she says i dun understand one...

in the meantime, boy boy and me have been living our peaceful life other than once in a while the monster xaviar ang comes to chase after me... the no backbone boy boy is so chummy with xaviar ang and he just lets him touch... eeeeee... i dun want to let xaviar ang touch me... his hands are always so dirty! later he dirty my pretty fur! talking about pretty fur, meowmy say i got pimples growing out underneath my chin... she say i never clean my mouth after i eat... but ah, after being pretty for 8 yrs, this little pimple marks are like signs of aging gracefully you know... i bet meowmy cannot appreciate it... oh well, as long as i have my pretty face and fur, i will have people who love me...

oh, boy boy went to pluck his teeth the other time.. ahahhahaha.. so funny... he kept screaming for meowmy to let him go and dun bring him to see the handsome doctor... in the end, come back, no teeth... meowmy say he got bad teeth, then plucked out 7 of them.. tell me to be nice to him cos he so poor thing... boy boy came back and then so upset so he hide in his little basket... poor thing... i couldnt resist smacking him on the head! he's such a poor thing... meowmy say must clean his teeth everyday, but i think meowmy also know that boy boy dun want.. so meowmy buy him dental biscuits to let him chew lor... hopefully he got no more teeth to pluck.. the other time he pluck, meowmy got so anxious and so frustrated ah... even i had to hide underneath the bed and avoid her...

anyway, everything is very normal in the family... good la... meowmy come back already.. me go and see if she bought anything for me! Here's meow meow signing off!

xoxo,

Meow Meow

Of candy floss, balloons and flyers

2010-06-01T09:56:00.002+08:00

How did you spend your long weekend? A lot of things happened during the last long weekend....

The great singapore sale has started over the weekend... singaporeans and tourists have gone crazy with their shopping... crowds are starting to flood into shopping malls and grabbing the best buys... a friend shared with me this quote that she found online.

"Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase."

And I totally agree with it... cos I'm a woman and also a shopaholic woman... heheh... *i bet meow meow is a shopaholic too... she likes going outside waayyyy too much!*

So this long weekend, I spent time doing a temp job, trying to earn myself some money for my upcoming korea trip.. yes again! Flyer distribution they call it... you basically hang around for 6 hours each day under the hot hot non-aircon area to give flyers to the man on the street... this is inconjunction with a local bank who is promoting their newly launched product for the kids...

It's been like 2 yrs since i did this job... especially when you have moved into the office and started doing a lot more other types of jobs, you tend to forget the sweat and hard work that goes into such jobs.. the very basic part of any event... giving out flyers...

During the course of it, we gave out balloons, flyers.. had to do sales talk to drag people into the bank for them to speak to our bankers.. be it you entice them with the sure win lucky dip or tell them that there's balloons and candy floss for their kids, you literally cheat them to go into the bank...

This job gave me the opportunity to mingle with the crowds.. be it uncles, aunties, kids, maids.. anybody... of cos, there were the bankers too...some of them nice, some of them not really... some refused to even lay a finger to help us, thinking that they are high up there, some were very humble who thanked us a whole lot for bringing in customers for them under the sweltering hot sun...

I got to know one of the bank branch manager who stood by me when I gave out flyers and dripping sweat away... the only thing that was different was that he was eating his pink candy floss while I was giving out flyers... seeing him eat his candy floss reminds me of how sometimes we forget the simple things that makes us happy...the bank manager was obviously happy eating the candy floss but yet, he was conscious of how he was perceived by the public as a grown up man eating pink candy floss...

similarly, as we passed out balloons to the children who ran up to us, I overheard this conversation:

Girl A: " Eh, let's go get a balloon leh!"

Girl B: " Siao ah, so old already still take for what?"

Does it not sound familiar? The ladies were not old.. probably in their mid twenties... but this conversation made me wonder why as we grow older, we cannot seem to enjoy the simple things that we used to enjoy when we were much younger? What has changed? Our values or society notions on us or simply because we can afford to buy more expensive things that will keep us happy?

Personally, I still enjoy candy floss and balloons... cos they have a happy notion about them and they are inexpensive... good enough for me who is always looking for cheap thrills... hehe...

Motivation...

2010-05-23T22:48:00.002+08:00

You know how sometimes people lose their focus when things change in their lives? I guess I am going through that stage now...

Initially, I thought things will go back to normal once I am back from Seoul.. start looking at the various options I have, determine the next step in my career and see if it helps in reaching my ultimate goal and of cos, self reflection on the mistakes I have made during the last event and hopefully never ever to make the same mistakes again... that's how people learn....

I do have options in front of me now.. in fact too many which I am thankful for! of course, there are also things which distract me as well.. things such as restarting my own company, learning korean, going back to korea again and some other relationships issues...

Just over dinner the other day with Bev, I was frustrated due to the fact that my laptop had died on me and instead of offering solutions or help, friends were... let's just say, not helping... it got me frustrated as I depended a lot on my laptop... while I used it to catch up on all my korean dramas, variety shows, my laptop also helped me to look for things such as jobs, keep me in touch with the bunch of people whom I need, research on other people's events, companies etc and tonnes of other things... honestly, i was plain irritated when i met Bev the other day... oh, not including the fact that the weather was freaking hot one min and rainy the other min... so I met Bev for dinner and she brought up the idea of going to Seoul again.. I knew she wanted to go very much and so did I... so within an hour or two, we decided on the date, the flight and checked our accomodation and yes, we were going...

The next thing I had to settle was the money I needed to use over in Korea... so a frantic search for temporary jobs which lasted 1-2 weeks or even some days was what I did the whole of saturday night...

But honestly, I do have a list of things I need to accomplish before I leave for Seoul again.. but the motivation do not even seem to be there anymore... like what my gf told me last night: " You need to be focused in order to achieve all that you want." I've been quite slack these few weeks... I wanna be focused again and be motivated again.... I want to feel accomplished... Small things matter but big things matter even more...

From today onwards, I shall be disciplined and carry on moving towards my goal!

You & me...

2010-05-17T22:26:00.002+08:00

You know something? The destiny between you and me started 2 yrs ago, during that briefing session... I was among the many of the volunteers who attended the session and you probably do not even remember me... it was probably easier for me to spot you though... You appeared with no smile, armed with that notebook of yours and looking really stern... something just told me that this guy is something different from the rest...

Fast forward to almost 8 mths ago where my ex boss hired me into the company, the money was no good, no benefits but to be near you and to get to know you better made the deal sweeter almost instantly.... but your not smiley face greeted me when I first came onboard... bah... but coincidentally, it was your birthday when I first joined... and just one yr and a week ahead of mine... hahah.. 2 virgos... such coincidence...

As the days moved on, you showed me that you were somebody who thought using your brain and you opened up my eyes to a lot more things that I have never experienced before.. it was also through you that my thinking process got a bit more thorough... as a manager, you sat down with me to go through the whole nonsense thingy despite your busy schedule... when everyone was attacking me when I was not around, you saw things in perspective.. thank you for that...

Our driving trips home together made us a whole lot more closer... thanks to you, i saved a bit on cab fare and it does help that the car you drove was a cool looking rav4.... somehow, you felt comfortable enough to share your relationship woes with me... driving trips became coffee sessions and with you sharing more... hopefully you can let the past go and move onto other stuff in your life... you shared your dreams and aspirations with me... you gave me the courage to take the huge leap in life... whether it works out or not, that's something in the future... for now, i'm just thankful for you in my life. somebody to share my dreams with, somebody to push me along...

thank you shaun...

Love Song by Rain

2010-05-11T21:38:00.007+08:00

I still like him without the fake eyelashes... they look scary... but wooo.. check out his body... but I like the old him where he was not so 'bulky' if you know what I mean..

5 things I like about...

2010-05-09T19:53:00.004+08:00

Seoul

1. The people aka Seoulites

A city full of warm and expressive people.. I remember when ML and I first arrived at HyeHwa station with our luggage and looking lost, at least 3 or 4 people came to offer their help on directions.. the station manager also helped and when he could help no more, he made sure he passed us over to somebody who knew...

Of cos, not forgetting Min Yong and Jason who helped us so much from the planning stage to the days when we were in Seoul... and even little things like bringing us burn cream in the middle of the night...that was so unforgettable and 2 thumbs up for service! (check out their guesthouse at this website: http://www.backpackersinside.com/ )

2. Language

It's like living in a surreal Korean drama where everyone around you speak the same language... needless to say, this sparked my keen interest to continue my Korean language studies.. which I am trying to put in 2 hrs of my time each day to study..

3. History & Architecture

I loved the palaces and the wonderful historic buildings that are everywhere in Seoul... I'm sure there are more that I have not seen in other parts of Korea... their intricate carvings and paintings makes me go wow... and I really wished I had more time to enjoy the beautiful historic part of Korea

4. The discipline

You know how Singapore trains have dedicated seats for the elderly but most of the time it gets filled up with non elderly? Well, ML & I accidentally sat on the seats when we first got on the train.. everyone looked intently at us and this lady whom we affectionately call ajumma told us to place our butts somewhere else cos those are reserved seats... true enough, as we found out for ourselves during the next few days, even though the trains are packed, those seats are left untouched and only the elderly will be seated there...

Similarly for standing on the escalators... they stand on the right and everyone on the left will be moving... seoulites are just so disciplined... *impressed look*

5. Food!

I told Min yong that I would wanna move to Seoul and he asked if it was for Gimbap?! Well, partly yes... call me weird, but for a person who refuse to eat her veggies, I will gladly swallow my veggies that are found in bibimbap, gimbap or even in stews... and of cos, it helps that the food is spicy enough to give me the warm feeling in my tummy... *drool* though I do not fancy ginseng chicken much, I love the basic food like bibimbap, gimbap and even the ramen...Not to even mention about the street food... cheap and good! they bring back fond memories.. *slurp!*

India

1. Historic sites

India comes across as a country rich in history.. I had the privilege of visiting a few of the fortresses during my short trip there... it was truly a beautiful sight... some of them gets converted into hotels and you can feel the history in every piece of brick there.. and you wonder, how did ancient people do such wonderful buildings with their limited technologies then?

2. Animals

I'm so sure a particular Mr Sharma will be giggling now... I love to be surrounded by animals.. and indeed, I was surrounded by animals when I got there... camels, cows, elephants, wild hogs, peacocks are just everywhere near you.. they could be walking right next to you, crossing the road that you are driving on.... and of cos, not to forget the bunch of cute puppies that were found near Mr Sharma's place... if he hasnt moved yet...

3. Honking!

It's a way of life there... people drive most of the time to anywhere cos their land is so huge and even if there is nothing, absolutely nothing on the road, they honk.. purely out of habit... in singapore, that's quite rude I guess.. but it's normal there... and yes, when I came back home, the roads seem so quiet... their driving skills there are also superb! Mr Sharma will agree with me for that...

4. People

People are generally nice and warm... very willing to help and full of quick ways to settle issues... I like them for the fact that they think on their feet! Typically the kind of events people you will like to work with!

5. Food!

Because the huge population that are vegetarians, meals can be largely categorized as veg and non veg... Me being willing to try everything, including veg, tried everything that Mr Sharma ate.. he's a veg and truly it surprises me on how veg food can be tasty too! Of cos, there's tons of indian sweets that I really like...

Astrology forecast for May 2010

2010-05-03T02:00:00.003+08:00

Something I always read no matter how busy I am.. I usually spend some time reading it.. and most of the time it is quite accurate.. but I do not take special effort to remember the dates though.. Here's the summary points of the long long forecast...

Summary

The new moon May 13 will bring you sterling opportunities to travel a very far distance, possibly overseas. A partner who only wants the best for you will be the most likely one to bring the opportunity. This trip would be so outstanding that you must not use your usual excuses why you feel you have to stay back at the office. There is work to be done, for sure, but this time, you really do need to take a break. There is no value in pushing yourself to exhaustion - as given evidence by the recent position of Mars - so don't feel guilty when you pack and go. The most delicious part of this trip will be how unexpectedly it comes up and how much you enjoy your time away. You seem to have no clue it's coming. Good! Go!

This merry month of May seems to be all about tending to your personal life, for near the full moon on May 27 you'll see a home-related matter reach a lovely conclusion. If you've been wearing out shoe leather looking for the ideal apartment, a rare piece of furniture, or a new roommate who doesn't gobble up your special stash of chocolates - look no further. A perfect solution is near - you'll love the outcome of this full moon.

Romantically, your partner is providing the momentum to your relationship. Not surprisingly, you've been content to sit back and see what happens. When Neptune turns retrograde May 31, if you want to continue the relationship, you'll need to take a stronger role and show more interest to keep things moving forward. Your more active role will continue until early November.

If you are not attached, however, you should find your social life to pick up speed in a very noticeable way, from now through the rest of 2010. When it comes to love, admittedly, you've had a number of false starts. That was because Saturn has been in weak state, but now will turn on the power at month's end. In all ways, life is getting better.

Dates to Note for Virgo:

* Travel is written all over your chart, and trips you take both at the start and middle of the month should go well. The new moon may send you off on a trip abroad, and if so, it's the right time to go.

* With Venus in Gemini May 1 until 20, travel done for career would go exceptionally well.

* Mercury, your ruler, will be in poor shape in the start of the month, but after Mercury goes direct May 11, you will see events go forward rapidly. You will be able to announce agreements and sign contracts from then on (wait until the new moon May 13.)

* Venus in Cancer from May 20-June 13 will allow for much more fun with friends, and allow you to catch up in many ways, from shopping to lunches and dinners, outdoor parties, and weekend trips.

* A partner, agent, broker, headhunter, or other middleman could be very helpful to you on May 17 and 20.

* Love could be tender and comforting May 18 if you are attached to a partner in a long-term relationship. Make plans for the distant future.

* Uranus, planet of unanticipated events, will move into one of your financial sectors on May 28 and will bring changing conditions to your finances. Fortunately, Jupiter, the lucky planet, will join Uranus, in early June, so in the coming months, your money picture will brighten.

* Your love life will become smoother and gain momentum once Saturn moves forward on May 30.

* A home-related matter will be completed within five days of May 27. You may move, paint, renovate, clean, or do repairs, or you may find a new roommate, as some examples.

* Any matter related to parents will also get a big push ahead May 25-31.

* Does motherhood beckon? From May 30 on, wishes may come true.

* Your most romantic dates will be May 2-3, 7-8, 12-14, 17, 20-21, 25-26, and 29-30.

Source: Susan Miller, www.astrologyzone.com

Hard up? I dun think so...

2010-05-01T01:28:00.002+08:00

On going discussions about the new project irks me.. I loved working with the people for the previous project... however, same people change, group dynamics change... now, it seems as if I am hard up for the job, begging for the job...

The truth is, although I do not have many options available, I do not think I am hard up for it... if I have to beg to get the job, I'll rather not have it... thank you very much for letting me know how much you have done bitching about me while I am gone... thank you for letting me know that you feel insincere... I would rather you tell me in the face that you rather I find something else... period.

I will still go through the motion cos I understand the meaning of what goes around comes around. I will make it a good parting so that I do not burn the bridges. Thank you for all the good and bad memories.

Me and myself in Seoul

2010-04-23T10:42:00.002+08:00

I took a short little break this morning... alone.. for the first time in 10 days... i realised how much i missed being alone...

Armed with no map, just some cash in my pocket, my jacket and cap and not forgetting my camera, I was off for a little adventure on my own around the neighbourhood... Walking in Seoul in the cold spring wind feels good... my only agenda was to spend time with myself... the past 8 days spent with a single person every moment of the day proved to be too taxing for me... well, in a way it was good.. you come to a consensus for every decision you make, more pooled money to spend, companionship i guess... on the flipside, you do see the little things that irritate you and it irritates you to the core after 3 days and not to mention 10 days!

So I went off to the neighbourhood and saw new things which i never saw... tried a new coffee place and just sat at the window seats to watch the world go by... seoul was supposed to be a fast paced city but strangely, I was calm and peaceful without a sense of urgency with my coffee... i took new photos alone.. i found the place where they sell pet stuff and got a new toy for the two fellas at home... but i do wonder if my next travel plans should be to travel alone... i travelled to india alone.. *well, sort of* and honestly, I liked it... maybe I should add that to my bucket list... I wish to go back to india again though... there's so much stuff I have not seen there.. elephants, sand dunes and all... i digress...

Yes, she's asking what time I am going back cos she is anxious as she does not know where I have gone... she must be pissed with me in someway... i've become more individualistic and no longer the docile woman i used to be previously... i've become more 'unreasonable' if you know what i mean... of cos, there are times which i will shut up and let her have her way, most times, i speak and she being somebody who likes being pampered and coaxed, simply couldnt take it...

maybe its time to find another travel partner... maybe it is time to take off on my own...

The Mysterious You

2010-04-20T23:00:00.003+08:00

We knew each other by chance,
We communicated via technology...
However, when we met, it seemed as if we knew each other for long..
It was comfortable and warming...
The place made it even more conducive for us to chat...

I liked the idea of seeing you everyday in the morning..
Liked the sound of the vaccum cleaner passing by the room..
Liked hearing you speak to other people..
Liked having you around...

Yet, when we had to move to somewhere else,
I had no choice but to accept it..
I liked the new place, but hate the absence...
I tried to know lots more about you through the little contact we have now..
The little cricket gave me the chance to walk the short 2 mins walk with you
Gave me the chance to know you better...

You achieved a lot in your life... a lot more than what I can imagine..
Your sense of maturity amazes me and your travels lets me feel refreshed...
We are both people who choose to be passionate about what we do in life
And to me, that is enough similarity...

To her, you seemed like somebody with a roving eye
Yet, to me, you seem like a quiet somebody who has been hurt before
The happiness and carefree spirit reflected in the photos does not seem to show anymore
What exactly happened then, nobody knows only you...

While the experiences here seem to be so unique and unforgettable
The biggest reward for this trip is knowing the mysterious you...
Thank you, the mysterious you...

.....

2010-04-02T00:50:00.004+08:00

I went out with Cubix this afternoon.. to resume our regular tai tai lifestyle... it was definitely refreshing compared to the regular working life.. workaholic needs a break sometimes....we had a great time catching up over lunch, window shopping and just hanging out...

Out of the blue, Cubix commented that my communication with you became more frequent... and asked if you knew how I felt about you... i told her you did cos I told you not long ago... and she asked if there were changes from the time I told you till now... i said no... and she asked what is stopping me from moving forward... i forgot what my answer to her was... it ranged from something like i think you would know better to i'm not sure...

As we parted our ways at the end of the day and the day slows down and I'm only left alone in my little room... i did wonder about that question... i never once denied that i still feel the same...it was difficult for me to fall in love but when i do it's a tough road ahead of me... maybe you never knew, you were the only one who knew all my past and accepted it wholeheartedly... because of you, i came out of the past... since we parted, i kept myself busy.. working my poor body out at work, doing all i could to make myself as tired as i could so that i don't have such moments... a lot of my friends wondered why i have changed... i stopped going out for drinks ever so frequently, they can only find me at work and at home... there were occasions which i truly wanted to share them with you and i have to keep reminding myself that i gotta be on my own 2 feet now.. cant keep relying on you...

I respect the decision that you have made... I fought for it to work, I made myself clear abt how I felt.. if you didnt feel the same way, who am I to say no to it? it takes two hands to clap i guess... during these 2 yrs, i do get occasional updates from people who know you and they share with me your successes and movement... it's good enough for me to know that you are fine and good and probably happy with everything in your life... =)

I would be lying if I said I wasnt surprised when you called when you knew about my "sprained" legs.. whether it was cubix who asked you to call or was it your own initiative didnt matter, what mattered was that the 5 mins we had was something that touched my heart... especially when the pain was unbearable... i was very freaked out when I smsed you during my first night of hospitalisation.. i was lost and all i could think of was to let you know what is happening to me... and i'm glad for the few sms that followed and also the fb comments... they made the whole time a lot easier...

I believe in letting nature take its own course... of cos, i dont want to end up with regrets... so i still tried my best.. things and people change over time... maybe knowing that somebody loved you with her whole heart and for a period of time you occupied her whole heart is good enough...

Healing feet...

2010-03-20T22:54:00.004+08:00

Been at home for the whole long week... since the last time my colleagues came to my place on Mon, I've been trying not to reply my emails and anything else.. I've just been busy resting my feet, making sure the infection go away, taking my medication on time(I try!) and doing nothing much...

I enjoy such a lifestyle... for a workaholic, I've managed to slow down and just enjoy the simpler side of things... seeing how my nephew grows each day and learns new things in school to just having simple chats with my mom when my nephew is asleep... and the best is to be able to fall asleep in bed with the two cats in tow... life got simpler and easier...

the feet seems to be healing well... skin is becoming flaky and dry... which is actually the hardest part as dry skin tend to itch a whole lot... i've been trying very hard not to scratch... scratching breaks the new skin and makes the healing process start all over again... i've also started to apply some intensive moisturizer cream given to me at the pharmacy.. seems to be working fine for now... i do get irritated by some moisturizer as they leave a thin film of oil on my skin and my skin reacts to that... that's how sensitive my skin can be...

am going back to the doctor for a follow up session on mon.. hopefully things turn out well for me on mon... in the meantime, i'm just enjoying the little peaceful life that i am having now.. be thankful for this period even though it means no salary but i'm glad as i do believe i gained more than i lost... =)

A little broken bone...

2010-03-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

It's official... I broke the bone when I fell down the stairs the other time... I'm amazed how I managed to survive the pain and struggled through the stairs, the long site visits, the running about during the 3 days of the event... i think it amazed a whole lot of other ppl as well..

How did i find out that the bone was broken? Thanks to the drug allergy I had... I went to the doc few days ago to get some medication for the leg who looks a bit bloated and swollen from all the walking and torture I had put it through... he thinks its infected due to my ezcema and gave me some antibotics and I was allergic to those antibotics and developed a really bad rash all over me... so I went back again, thinking to get another type of antibotics..doc looked at my leg and my rashes and sent me to the hospital, armed with a memo from them...

Being a timid cat, I naturally freaked out... it got worse when the hospital doc looked at it and said, " that looks bad, let's do an xray to be sure" at that moment, i just wanted to walk out of the hospital and cover myself with a blankie...i hated hospitals and have heard horror stories about them...the worse part is, i wasnt prepared to be admitted into a hospital.. i merely wanted to get some medication for my leg and go home... then came the truth, the bone is broken, some of the soft tissues might be infected, if left untreated, infection might spread, i might lose the limb or even my life.. "shit, i'm doomed." I thought to myself...

As I braved myself for the thousand of hospital horror stories, I was wheeled into the cheapest class of hospital wards... the wheelchair ride was fun but not the journey... I saw patients with bandages all over, police who were handling domestic violence cases etc... who ever said that crime rate was low in singapore have never been to the a&e department of the hospital!

The nice looking nurse whom reminded me very much of Sharon came to check with me all sorts of things and told me to wait till the doc comes around to check on me... the doc came and took few tubes of blood from me and went off... later in the night, I was placed on a drip that was supposedly antibotics for me... I could barely sleep... did i also mention about this lady in the next ward who kept screaming in the night asking the nurses to kill her?

For the next day, lots of doctors came to see me.. the skin infection doctor, the bone doctor, the one that was making his rounds, the houseman... came and poke at my poor leg and my bad rashes... then I had my first visitor at 11am.. Uncle Jaymes from my office came to visit, knowing I was in hospital... they have been an affectionate bunch.. through this event when I worked with them for 6-7 mths, they saw me broke down, struggled, fell and struggled with the leg and also in hospital... I shared with him the fact that I could not even break down at home cos I didn't want my parents to worry and my friends dun really understand my stress as some of them are not in this line and I try to keep a cheerful front for most of them... it was a definite emotional period for me and I had nobody but myself to survive on.... the rest of the day passed relatively quickly when my mom and my brothers popped by to check out their little sister...

Thankfully, I was out the hospital the next day... doc needed me to be on antibotics for one week and go back for a follow up visit next week... in the mean time, i was supposed to be resting at home with my legs propped up so as to prevent water retention at the legs...

And I thank my lucky stars in some way or other for this... through this, i realise how much I can tolerate in terms of pain and being persistent... of cos, i also realise who truly care about me during this ordeal i have... especially somebody whom I sms very late in the night, his words offered me comfort and i'm thankful...

I'm on my way to recovery now... drinking tons of milk each day to increase my calcium intake as well as letting my leg rest as much as they can, my colleagues came and took over all my work so I'm not on my laptop working till the cows come home... I'm shifting all my appointments to my house and to my friends who have to come from afar to fulfil the appointment, i'm terribly sorry that my place is messy and small but hopefully you feel cosy and warm in here... you are allowed to cuddle with my two cat mascots!! :)

When you slow down...

2010-03-02T00:50:00.002+08:00

I remember this story of a full circle who was rolling too fast and missed all the good things along his journey... but when he had broken one side of his full circle, he had to slow down and he could take a look at the good things around him...

I remembered this story as I sat in front of my laptop, struggling to finish the last bits of work before bed... suddenly, it dawned on me that for the past one week where I limped to work(and I still do) and almost to everywhere I went, I saw more things and could appreciate more... during this one week, Cubix came by to visit me with Marko... and yes, I was touched by their simple gesture and we basically did simple things like watching tv and gossiping abt things... things which we do often when both of us were not working....

Of cos, I had other cases of concern, like a phone call that came out of the blue... although it didn't last long but yes, I was grateful. Colleagues at work would try hard to accomodate to my walking or limping speed.. despite the fact that I try as much to keep up and do things on my own, even though I struggle, I'm glad that my colleagues were there to help.. some offered to drive me home, share a cab with me or simply ask if I needed lunch/dinner/supper...

out there, I met numerous no of people who opened doors for me, gave up their cabs for me and simply asked if I needed help... small gestures but yet, they meant a lot...

As I could mostly just sit around and observe, I could see more of Xaviar's sweetness when he saw me seated at one corner on my own and he came by to say hi and wanted to sit on my lap... we shall not mention the times when he imitated my new style of walking and made everyone laugh nor the fact that he got more ang bows from my aunties for the new yr...

wat abt my 2 cats? well, meow meow kept her distance, knowing that I could probably step on her.. but she sat with me while I watched tv on the sofa alone...boy boy laid on my leg the whole night and purred when I said to him that my leg was painful and it was cold... and he still does wait for me to go to bed in my study room as I work throughout the nights...

I do realise that while the event is coming very much closer, I am not paranoid or worried while I get home.. the other night, I sat in my sofa and pretty much read my magazines.. probably bcos I cant walk much, I could just sit in there and not move.. hehe.. but yes, it's a good time to relax... despite all the maddness in the office...

so maybe I should be thankful that I fell and sprained two legs.... =)

Boo Boo Meowmy...

2010-02-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

My beloved, irritating and busy meowmy came home last night limping... I went out to welcome her as usual and she had the painful look on her face... she told daddy that she had rolled down the stairs and sprained her legs... how she got home, nobody knows... then this is the story that meowmy told me while she was in the toilet with me...

" I went to Auntie Ivy's place for dinner then brother send me to the train station... in the end I saw Uncle Hui's sms to ask for coffee at JP.. so I went... then as I got out of the train station and messaging him, I missed 2 steps and fell lor... then the pain was so bad that I could not get up.. some uncle helped me... bless his good heart I tell you... after that Uncle Hui called me and he came to pick me up... after that uncle hui told me he's getting a divorce... somebody had a change in heart.. sigh.. uncle hui was such a nice person I tell you... out of the whole gang, only he and jean left whom I still keep in touch... if uncle hui's marriage falls apart, I dun even think I can believe in marriage anymore liao... i tell you, other than the leg pain, my heart also pain ah... for the past few mths, uncle hui kept everything to himself without even sharing... but yet we kept sharing our burdens with him... i told uncle hui if he ever does that again, i'm not gonna friend him anymore..."

So my boo boo meowmy rolled down the stairs... but my boo boo meowmy was brave one... I heard from grand-meowmy that she didn't cry even though it was so painful to walk... it was only when she had gone down the stairs that she started to drop tears cos it was too hard to bear.... then when she got to the chinese physician, when the doc told her it might be a fracture, she went "huh?" very loud lor... must be thinking about work again la... meowmy told me, if not because of her legs, she would want to go back to work on sun... my meowmy is crazy one... then grand-meowmy told me when the doc was rubbing her legs, she was bearing all the pain, tears in her eyes kinda look... grand-meowmy didn't even realise she had sprained two legs until she saw the bandage.. then she realised how painful it was...

anyway, meowmy was good girl today.. maybe because she wanted to go back to work quickly.. she sat on the sofa the whole day, switching channels until I think the tv nearly exploded... then she couldnt move much too... it took her a very long time and a lot of support from the walls and stuff to move from point a to point b... boy boy and me see already also shake shake our heads ah... why our meowmy so boo boo one?

meowmy ask me just now, should I go back to work? a lot of things to do leh... then guess what the attitude me did? I turned and walked away and meowmy was upset la... I dunno how meowmy is gonna survive 2 days of just sitting in front of the tv and laptop... then if the leg dun heal, it's gonna take longer... is the tv going to survive it? I will keep you guys updated via this blog... hopefully me and boy boy will still get to watch tv...

Love,

The Attitute Reporter, Meow Meow

Long long days...

2010-01-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

I started on my first resolution for the yr... my photoshop class with cubix...In order for me to go to class, I spent 2 long days at work trying to clear all my work so that my strawberry at work does not need to bother me when I am in class... In case you are wondering what is my strawberry... it is a term used by the taiwanese to describe the young generation, typically born in the yr 1981 - 1991 who are good looking on the outside but fragile on the inside, just like a strawberry... my asst is one such person...

While she is somebody who cannot manage a lot of things on her plate, she is also somebody who tries to snatch more jobs from other ppl... she tried to take over my main role, she tried to see how I manage the budget behind my back...and the best of all, she tries to dictate what I give her to do... in order for her not to keep digging at what I am doing and yet let her have sufficient work to do while i am gone, i spent two long days at work... i started work at 7am and didn't go home till 11pm... and for somebody's sake, it's 6 cups of coffee/tea...

I took a long train ride to my class today... met cubix at the train station and while waiting for her, i started on my 1st cup of tea... class was fun and interactive.. i learned a whole lot... in fact, the instructor encouraged us to take the professional exam for Adobe Photoshop.. I'm tempted... but maybe I should leave it for apr when I come back from my Korea trip... the only thing which i didnt enjoy was the constant calls from office.. my strawberry cant handle the questions that my colleagues pose to her.. she dunno where to find the resources and my colleagues still come to me for advice on the system as well as consensus to the outside partners... sometimes it makes me wonder if it was me who did not train her well enough to make decisions or am i just a bad boss.... as much as i try to hand hold her, with less than a mth away from the event, it seems hard for me to hand hold her too much.. esp when she tries to push away my hand..

after class, while the world went back home, i was hounded by another lady whom i am taking a freelance job with... she know nothing abt facebook and i am trying to help her to manage her event facebook and her clients know nothing about it too and they try to make the changes on facebook that is impossible... it's a user problem i guess... as much as i try to explain patiently, she just dun get it... and now, at 2am in the morning, i'm still trying to resolve the nonsense she is giving me and the 1001 changes... i foresee more changes and more long nights... bah!

hopefully these long nights will pass soon!

Happy New Year!!

2010-01-03T21:40:00.003+08:00

I haven't been updating this blog for a while although there have always been tonnes of things which I wish to share here, I never really had the time.. work has taken up a lot of my time and on top of that, I've taken up a freelance job for 3 mths which pays really well... so juggling a bit of stuff now...

Workwise, things have been smooth sailing and I am happy there as I can really take my own sweet time to do things.. hehe... after all that training I had in SAFRA, this to me is actually a piece of cake.. but somehow, this bunch of people here are quite rubber timing which makes things quite hard in their own way... My boss used to be nice, but no longer nice.. I reckon she finds me to be a threat to her... I only heard recently that the person who took up the job for the same event last time was actually a permanent headcount and not on a contract basis... and plus my director has been saying how well I have managed despite all the stressful situations around me, she might feel the pressure on herself to perform... but honestly, if you ask me, I dun really care... I think if I blogged about this a mth back, I might still worry about how she would react when ppl praise me and all.. now I couldn't be bothered... if you think you need somebody who is not as capable as you to keep your place, then I think u got it all wrong... besides, I'm here to work and not to make friends... i dun really care if you dun like me.. if u make things difficult, then it would look bad on u not me i guess...

Recently at work, rumors have been flying around about me and another fellow partner cum sponsor. they sponsor our event in one way or another and because of work and the fact that we know each other at my previous workplace, we are much closer and could share a lot more personal stuff.. i guess that's normal when you know ppl much more.. well, not for my bunch of colleagues... so they started creating opportunities for us to be alone, more time spent working together etc... just to let our budding romance develop... oh gosh... even if there was a budding romance, it would have been killed by this bunch of colleagues..but for the record, no.. no sight of budding romance yet...

So enough about work and stuff... let's share about my 2010 resolutions... remember my little bucket list that I made in sept? I took a couple of them out and decided to make them happen this yr...

1.To learn Korean

I checked the class schedule at the neighbourhood community center...cheap classes start in Apr!

2. To get my driving license

This is a promise to somebody who drove me around in India cos I promised him to drive him around when he comes to SG (if he comes that is..)

3. Network with more people

This is basically to know more people, break out of my own comfort zone...

4. Attend more networking sessions

To know more people and to also let more ppl know about avant garde events...

5. Contribute back to my alma mater

I'm currently on the Queensway alumni, not exactly on the committee but I do wish to do more for my school seniors and juniors, to bring them together as a whole

6. Spend quality time with my nephew

I am trying as much as I can though, in the morning before he goes to school and if I can, I'll try not to work late so that I can spend more time with him in the evening... I no longer want to be called the faceless auntie

7. To be debt free by 2010

Clear and straightforward enough, I want to be debtfree, no more credit card bills, no more student loans, nothing

8. Kickstart Avant Garde Events

I can call Avant Garde events to be my baby of 2009 but yet I have not spent enough time developing it... with my brother deciding to move to a lower paying job, I'm not even sure if this is able to take off this yr.. shall see how it goes

9. Have enough money in my bank account

Not enough according to my standards... I need more...so gone are the luxury items and spending... only necessities need to apply.

10. Pick up Photoshop skills

Class is starting in Jan 2010! Cubix is going with me! Yay!! It's a 3 day crash course but I guess it provides me with the basics that I need to know to get me started and not very expensive to begin with so yes, it's a good investment!

We shall just see how many I manage end of this yr... hehehe...

Taken for granted...

2009-11-25T00:31:00.002+08:00

You know how sometimes people take you for granted and you totally dun like it? I used to think I didn't mind, as long as it's harmless... but I guess I was wrong...

My brother dearest sent an sms to my other brother and me to inform(mind you, its inform, not ask) that he might be changing to a career that is less paying and since he has a kid and all, he cant provide so much for the family and my brother and me have to split the burden... i didn't like the fact that he did not tell us face to face, did not give us a chance to ask him what career is he going in, just told us his decision without even checking if we are able to support him.. forcefully fed the decision for us to swallow... so there goes my own plans to pursue my own business, there goes all the hard work i put in for the company... and after this event finishes, its time to find another job, all thanks to who? somebody whom you have known for 29 yrs and yet taken you for granted...

at work, everyone assumes that as long as you not look busy, u're not involved in the marathon work, u're not occupied... as i busy myself with the prep work for the cycle pack collection, the participant materials and other stuff, it doesn't seem as if that constitutes as work... ppl assume that you are free and idling away... then suddenly, i go on leave and guess what, everybody starts to realise that their daily update is not done, phonecalls go unanswered, emails need to be replied and suppliers start looking for me... suddenly, kate is not that free afterall... oh, did i also tell u, this office is not microsoft office savvy? not that i look down on them but i just feel that at least u need to be equipped with the basic skills...oh well, me bad.. i overestimated these peeps...

the best yet to come is with friends... while we all assume each of us are free and available to do all the legwork of calling somebody else up to confirm dinner appointments, nobody actually wants to do it... i had a friend who initiated a dinner catchup session with a couple of us... while the rest couldnt make it, it all boils down to 3 of us... so i am fine with everything.. the two of them have their concerns, so it's up to the two of them to settle among themselves...logical right? in the end, one of them told me, i dun like to sms, can u check with him with me? i told her straight off that i am fucking busy and go do your own sms-ing.. if it is so hard to even sms a person to confirm dinner, then lets not meet right? i dun think its right to assume the other person will do everything for u cos u are sickly and refuse to even move a single finger.

u know, i've always hated smart alecks or ppl who pretend they have all the knowledge but they are just a pain in the ass... maybe i have been in events for the past 2 yrs and my thinking have changed.. if u have 3 objectives when u go out, but at a particular area, u can only achieve 2 objectives then either A: find another area that meet all objectives, B: go with the 2 objectives and find an alternative way to achieve the 3rd objective... isnt it so simple? must u really go to another area just to fulfil one objective? i think its plain stupid... waste of time... and best is some ppl have designated areas whom they call area A, area B and if you cross the line it is area C... oh gosh, it's just a dinner and things get so complicated... i'll rather pass...

Honestly, i'm trying to cut away ppl who do nothing but pass negativity from themselves to me... negative about their work, their love life, their whole image... i believe birds of the same feathers flock together... how positive can you get when you have these whole bunch of idiots around you? how much can you achieve in your whole life if the only thing you do is to mope around and complain about how you had a bad job, bad hair day or even a bad relationship? Change your focus on something else.... it might just change your whole perspective... people do complain, but once you finish complaining, u move on... u dun stand at the same area and carry on grumbling... so that's what i've been trying to do... cutting away the naysayers, smart alecks who think the whole of themselves, ppl who think that material items mean the world, ppl who have only the narrow view of the world... in chinese, we have this proverb, only when the old goes then the new will come... i guess its the right thing to say for this...

Work Rant & others

2009-11-05T23:28:00.004+08:00

I've not had a good time at work this week... probably bcos I got wind that I will not have an assistant and I shall have to slog my time away while I am still with them... unfair, every manager has one and I dun get mine... worse is when the public annoys you with all the nonsense questions that they have and try to smoke their way through by having small chat with you... sorry peeps, not gonna work, i dun call the shots...

the worst part of it that the roadshow was a disaster... no wet weather plan... RULE no 1: ALWAYS PLAN FOR WET WEATHER!! what is so difficult to get a few umbrellas or extend the tentage for the public? Lack of budget? Then put the damn thing inside... dun be at the mercy of the weather. PERIOD. My mood was super lousy when I got back to work, drenched, soaked to the skin like a silly cat and filled with tonnes of administrative things to do bcos of the lack of plans... good lesson learnt... u dun do your work well, u earn all the extra work.... and oh, did i tell u i pissed off almost all my colleagues cos they were simply not bothered and not interested in knowing how to answer the public... share the load ppl.. what is so difficult about knowing more your own event? so yes, i was pissed and ppl were pissed with me...

now that i barely finished the admin work that came from yesterday's disaster, i forsee more nonsense waiting for me on my desk, in my inbox, and in the form of post-its on my wall... where is my assistant who is supposed to do all these? nowhere to be seen... sigh.... oh, i had a session with my boss this morning and told her wat happened yesterday... in her little subtle way, she tried to defend her team, tell me such things happened before.. and my reaction was, so? make sure such things dun ever happen again... how to be professional like that?

However, something did go right this week... Cubix and I took part in a slimming contest and I won the 3rd prize... its a 3 mth contest for local ppl.. and whoever lost the most wins... i didn;t really put in an effort i must say, i just did wat i normally did and so this came as a surprise to me... and yes, it felt good... and it felt better that cubix was there with me to share my joy cos she would understand how tough the process was like and how we motivated each other... =)

Cubix shared with me her career path too that night... finally she has decided to go for something that she has the passion for... I'm glad it worked out fine for her. =) I'm sure she will have tonnes of fun at the course and then when both of us have our careers on a stable stage, we can go have high tea like tai tais do and make sure jewellery shop owners bring us their most expensive jewellery to pick from... Fighting! =)

P.S Nephew is sick again.. apparently having hand foot mouth disease.. so poor thing...

Quietness...

2009-10-20T22:48:00.003+08:00

Dunno is it me or something else...i'm feeling like a lost soul... floating here and there... lack of vitality, energy... just plain lifeless... u know how it feels like to be wandering aimlessly along the streets? that's how i feel now...

i had a long weekend during deepavali... the week before that was so tiring.. the event finally launched after a mth long of preparation.. and this is only the beginning... long hrs at work, go home, work again, sleep and then go back to work again... it was like that for a good 2 weeks i guess.. my eyes are dry beyond imagination and i can just fall asleep at any location... coffee doesn't do wonders anymore... i remember i was so tired after the launch that while i could see the traffic light was red, my legs seem to bring me across the road... thankfully, the car stopped... and yes, so did my heart cos i literally didn't realise what i was doing until then... but yes, i pushed thru.... when it was finally launched, it felt good.. at least a big part of it is done...

after that, i lazed my whole long weekend away... other than running errands and spending some time at my grandparents place where i have not visited since they passed away, i really did nothing much... it was those days which i lazed in bed and rolled around in bed... period.

maybe it is the lazing around, suddenly i feel that i seem to have lost the aim in my life... i remember somebody in my brain telling me to give up my dream of having my own business and spend the rest of my life working for other ppl... and then i started to wonder abt how tightly i should hold onto my dream... then i thought abt how i should run my business, should i realign my beliefs with my feelings now, clean away watever that was there before and start again or drift along...

during that week long of torture, i had a realisation time with my business partner.. maybe bcos we're friends and we think we think alike.. i realise finding a business partner is similar to finding a life partner.. one wrong step and there goes... of cos, he has his strengths but there are also areas which i wish he would work on... same goes for me... i'm not exactly the best partner anybody could have.. a lot of my work partners can testify that.. esp when i have changed into events, i have become demanding and more alpha female... no longer little miss nice... i demand a lot at work and hunt ppl down when they do not give me what i want...which is why when it comes to a partner, i was really hoping for somebody who could balance me... but oh well, if this doesn't work well then somebody else may...

till now, i'm still floating around... maybe it's good to float around... *float float* hopefully, the floating season ends soon....i wanna be the energetic me again... soon i hope...

Of friends, bucket list & you...

2009-09-24T15:25:00.003+08:00

I've been meaning to write this post on friends for the longest time.... i wondered how to put it across so that it doesn't sound mean or rude.. but oh, what the heck...

Friends come and go in my life... I've been hurt very badly by a lot of them as well.... I guess the worst one was the ones whom I knew from Starbucks when I broke up with my ex... well, to cut the story short, I was cheated of almost $10k... *heart pain!!* which is why i am very cautious when it comes to making friends... however, as most ppl would say about me.. i'm somebody who does not learn her lesson... *nods head in agreement* I still give all my best in friendship and still wonder if i will get hurt by friends around me... I do that kind of thoughts once in a while.. always wondering if I put in 100% at this, would I end up getting myself full of bleeding cuts and bruises? I guess I can feel the hurt very vividly in my tiny little heart... even if as much as I wish to give everyone all.. currently, i can say i'm fortunate to have friends around me... ppl like cubix, mayling, joslin, sharon, poovan and a whole bunch of other ppl who does come and go but everytime we meet, we are still the same old ppl... maybe out of this bunch, one or two of them might cause me hurt but sometimes, maybe it is the journey that matters...

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Some of my friends might have noticed the bucket list on my msn handle... some of them have never heard of the bucket list.. i never did either until i saw this movie where 2 patients whom are both dying ended up sharing a ward and started talking about a bucket list... to define a bucket list it is the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket aka die... here's a couple of videos about the bucket list

This is from one of the guys I know who set out to fulfil his bucket list

I attended a short seminar on bucket list on Sat night and yes, it was a mind blowing experience... and thanks to this seminar, i had my own bucket list which I set to fulfil and the group of the ppl who attended this seminar are going bungee jumping at Macau on 1 Nov as they all have bungee jumping on their bucket list... for me, I might go and give my support... and sheesh, the height freaks me out... no thank you...

So what is on my bucket list? Lots... at first I thought it was just career stuff that I wanted to fulfil but as the seminar went on, more and more of me were dug out and yes, even the part which I truly do not wish to face appeared on my bucket list as well... I knew I had to get it done bcos I had even dreamt about it and woke up crying... so I knew this would be the first one I needed to do... so I picked up my mobile and smsed my ex bf... after which, everyone came round and gave me a good hug... and yes, I cried... it's been such a while since I unlocked everything in me and cried...

So we set off as a bunch of better and stronger persons to fulfil our bucket list... be it hard or easy.. all it takes is just a little step and hey, u are a step closer to your dreams...only if you dare to dream of it... all of us went to marina barrage to fly kites at midnight after the seminar in order to help one person fulfil his bucket list... and yes, the feeling is great!

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You, were something i chose to lock it deep inside me... didn't want to say anything else except at times I would write to you on my blog... bcos i felt if someday you would remember me, u would at least knew how i felt during your absence... the truth is, although, you are not around physically, u were always there in my heart... be it when i was working in little india for that short period or the place we had drinks in the hotel or even something happy i wanted to share with someone, you were always there... u never left... maybe i am silly.. the same silly girl who was screaming when she first saw cows and our porky pigs and not forgetting the bunch of puppies who i had carried despite their dirt and all...

During this one yr, I woke up numerous times in the middle of the night wondering if i should die the next day and i hadn't told you what i wanted to tell you, would anybody be able to reach you and tell you how i felt? would anybody even know how much you mean to me? Maybe this is what we call fate... for some weird reason, despite all that has happened, even if i didn't wish to speak to that lady again, i couldn't say no to you. you still mean the world to me. which is why i am grateful for your responses that night and this time, i trust that they come from the real you that i have believed you are all this while... i dunno what will happen to us after this, i dun wish to assume or jump to conclusions... i know you will speak when you are ready, like you always do after our huge fights... and you know i am still here.

random thoughts

2009-09-03T16:12:00.000+08:00

i think humans are weird... when u are working, u wished you were doing your own stuff like your own business and can ask all the annoying ppl to keep quiet..however,when u are doing your own stuff, u wanna go back to the monthly salaried job..

humans are like that i guess... when we have something, we want something else...but when we do get that something else, we start to change our minds.. we are weird sometimes...

recently, i had these thoughts.. if i have to go back to the workforce after a business failure, would i be afraid to face ppl, the new environment and even the routine lifestyle of a working adult? u know, i have absolutely no desire to lead a life of a monthly salaried worker...something which none of my friends seem to be able to notice... sometimes, i see myself as a wild, untamed horse... keeping running with the wind and refused to be restrained...maybe thats why ppl call me weird sometimes...

sometimes, i look at my prince and princess at home, i think they are fortunate...they dun have much choices to begin with... only one type of food, one house to sleep in, one person to go to for food and of course, each other to play with...life is simple for them... of cos, sometimes, they cant make up their minds abt if they hate or love each other...

oh, the complexity of me....

Yawns... pls come quickly

2009-09-03T03:06:00.002+08:00

I am awake at 3.09am in the morning when I should be asleep... i tossed and turned like a salad for a good one hr before i decided i should get out of bed to hang out... i did have a few good yawns but nothing indicated that I can fall soundly asleep... Now, I shall go listen to the CD which Pam got me.. hope it works...

Thank You Pam!

2009-09-01T20:38:00.003+08:00

I got this strange looking package this evening... I wondered to myself who could this be from... afterall, every since Cubix came back from US, I hardly have packages...

To my pleasant surprise, it's from Pam! Pam is a wonderful lady whom I got to know 5 yrs back from a cat forum and many yrs on, we kept in touch via MSN, letters and packages sometimes.. However, as I got busy with work and was hardly online, our communications got lesser and I would read her blog to keep myself updated about her life in Canada... Incidentally, I was thinking about Pam these couple of days.. I remembered she would have finished her school by now and wanted to send her a card to congrats her and I reminded myself to go check for her latest address and VOILA! her package arrives at my lap!!

Here's what came in the package:

A music CD that's good for bedtime and calming oneself as well as an eye cream for my stubborn dark eye circles!!! Yay!!

In addition to that, she also sent me a picture of her in her convocation gown!! Pam, I'm so proud of you! It's on my little board of fame in my room!

On the board, we have my own grad photos with my family, cubix and me and her adorable daughters and of cos, pictures of dogs and cats... in case you wonder what is that old newspaper on the board, that's the newspaper article that reported about my event management course when it first started...

Once again, thank you Pam! Thanks for being around me during my ups and downs... although we hardly meet online now but yes, you are still on my mind! Do update your blog too ya!

I see myself in you

2009-08-30T00:33:00.004+08:00

I met a lot of friends this week...let's count... my sec school classmate YB, my sec school senior Daniel whom I accidentally bumped into on the streets and arranged for a catch up, my volunteers from Cat Welfare days, Min Li & Lorraine, my SAFRA colleagues Bev & Angela and also the most impt cubix from HP and oh, i missed out my personal barista in Starbucks HV, Manosh... quite a fair bit of ppl considering today is only Sat...

Catching up with so many ppl have let me seen a little bit more about myself...with no names mentioned i shall share this with you...

XX has gotten into a complicated relationship.. it's slowing draining XX's energy and yet XX has refused to let go of the relationship... sounds familiar to most of us? XX told me this that struck me quite a fair bit... "I'm holding onto that little bit of trust I have in him and that he is the person that I know" I guess all of us have been this way in sometime of our lives... I have said this sentence to numerous ppl about my ex bf... and I still hold onto that little faith up to this time.. yes, call me silly if you must...

YY has gotten a new job offer... offering her a bigger scope and much more responsibilites.. but she is hesitant... bcos she wonders if she can manage... another friend told her, she would jump right at it if the chance is right in front... while I was more sitting on the fence regarding her situation, i realised if it was me, i would have the same kind of considerations that YY would have... but suddenly, I realised this phrase which I shared with Manosh, " Money only rewards action takers" same goes for opportunities and everything else in our lives... let me share this with you.. I went for one of those entrepreneur preview seminars to listen what they have to offer... a small little game was played where the speaker said, " I'll sell this CD worth $18 to anybody in this room at any price." All of us in the room were puzzled.. asking each other what was she saying, whispering, questioning but nobody dared to put up their hands to purchase, wondering if they would be tricked... suddenly, this lady raised her hand and said she'll pay $2 for the CD... so she got it at $2 bucks for something that was selling at $18 in the market... so this scenario taught us to grab any opportunity that comes along.. sometimes, thinking too much will make u miss out a lot..

Now to do a bit of picture update...

Cubix got me the huge bag of froot loops from US.. GIANT SIZE!!! As u can see, I'm truly happy with it.. hehe

We also went for Mac Mcflurry... did u know there's a mix and match thingy for Mcflurry? Super cool! And also we had a Milo nugget thief.... bah...

Spent some time with Xaviar by taking him for rides... he loves such things... and he's growing up fast...

I took this pic to show off to Xaviar.. hehe... he was quite amazed that I took pics with his fav big bird and elmo.. hehe

Travelling with myself...

2009-08-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

These days, I've been travelling a lot with myself... from west to east, to town, to north, to various places that I have never been to....

Usually, travelling alone can be quite boring but for me, when i just have my ipod and myself, songs in my ears and nice scenery throughout the bus routes, it seems to be relaxing for me... nothing but just stone...

ahh... the days of just being myself...

Training is good for you...

2009-07-27T17:03:00.002+08:00

I always believe that any form of training is good for you...be it for character, for work or just for fun... but when the training gets tough and pressured, it also challenges your mental will... so when the tough gets going, i tell myself its good for you...

I realise I am quite quick tempered these days... with the lack of help, the huge amount of stuff to do and it seems as if i am the bottleneck and it doesn't help that I'm working late into the night and waking up early in the morning to work again... so i guess i can no longer tolerate funny remarks from friends and relatives... i snap relatively quickly at them.... and esp at my working partners... not something nice...hopefully it gets better these days...

oh well, whatever i am going thru now helps in character building, helps in future work definition so yes, i tell myself, training is good for you....let's hope we see the light at the end of the tunnel soon... torchlight anyone?

Can I really bury you away?

2009-07-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

I met a new friend for coffee the other night... We knew each other in the weirdest manner and of cos, got to know each other better thru the various coffee sessions and dinners we had... this night, we broached on the topic of past loves... i shared with him about you... everything happy about u... in exchange, he told me his heartbreaking love story... he cried when he shared with me this story... i know it must still be fresh in his mind...

it was such a long time since i told anyone your story... i thought i had buried you away.. deep down inside my heart... i thought i wouldn't shed a single tear anymore for you... i think i misunderstood myself, underestimated myself...

it is true, while i sit outside the balcony at starbucks hv with a cup of hot coffee and just a book in my hand, or taking a breather from my lappy where i work, i do sit down and wonder how have you been and if you are loving your current job and i wish i could hear you again or just have a coffee with you...

i miss you. i really do...

Meowmy fell sick AGAIN!

2009-07-08T12:24:00.002+08:00

Hello, this is Reporter Meow Meow aka Princess reporting the latest news of the Ang household...

Meowmy fell sick AGAIN! This time really sick... she went to meet auntie shirlyn and friends then came back looking a bit green... then she woke up really early on Sun morning and took some bags of stuff and went to 4th Auntie's place.. she told Boy Boy that she going to be back in the afternoon and then will sleep with boy boy.. then ah... she never said she wanna come back and pat me to sleep.. hmph!

Then ah.. when she came back at about 3 plus, her face looks even greener and then complained to Grandma about the crazy doctor she saw and then say she having a fever... so the poor meowmy went to bed after having some weird looking medication... of cos, the irritating boy boy went to snuggle with meowmy lor.. then i can only sleep by the side.. hmph...

Then meowmy couldn't eat much, didn't do much, just stayed in bed and under the blanket with boy boy and me... then like that spent the last 3 days... meowmy told me she hope she didn't kanna H1N1, if she did, then the whole family would have to be qurantined.. even me and boy boy... thankfully, her fever subsided on Tuesday but hor, she still cannot eat much leh.. meowmy like lost some weight lor... she only eat fruits and drink water... so poor thing... imagine boy boy and me cannot eat our can food but only drink water, i think both of us would rather go back to bed....

Now meowmy is a lot better and can scold us liao.. i bet she's fine now... hehe...

This is Reporter Meow Meow aka Princess ending off... Hopefully the next time it should be the lazy boy boy reporting...

Vacation...

2009-06-24T15:20:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you went on a trip? When was the last time u went on a trip without worrying about anything and just took off when you felt like it? Can't remember? Neither can I until the recent times... I want to take off to somewhere with huge plains of pastures, clear blue cloudy skies and nice breezes.... just pack some clothes and go... GO ON A VACATION!!!

I like this song... really expresses my feelings now...

Understanding...

2009-06-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

I met a friend for a simple dinner this evening... had simple food, did simple things like shopping and just checking things out.. and even hanging around pasar malams... while we usually hang out in a big bunch, this time it is just me and him.. and i told him specifically not to tell the rest... he asked why would i want to make it so secretive... i told him i just wanted to have a peaceful dinner...

of cos, that kind of answer just got more probing... recently, we had a conversation about why i wanted to leave my old company when i am not even a yr there... and of cos, everybody was against the idea and then examples of some successful ppl in the same industry were brought up and about how they plan for their career and how much money they were getting... blah blah blah...yeah, ppl plan their lives, use strategies to get to another stage of their lives and they know wat they are doing... in comparison, i dun seem to know what i am doing... so the conversation went onto how i didn't know what kind of environment it is now and blah blah blah.... during that whole conversation, i was just not bothered to share my plans with them cos i knew they wouldn't be bothered to listen, maybe what they really wanna hear is something else... after the whole conversation was over, i kinda realised that maybe friends do become expired friends... being in a different environment really sets ppl apart... maybe their concerns are different from mine... in events, it's truly your experience that counts, not some master degree... unless u're in govt agencies that is... rather than using the time to study, i would rather use them to create better events.. and such things do not require a master degree... some professions will require u to while others dun... i dunno, after that conversation, i felt as if i was compared to somebody else and not seen as an individual... i felt as if even if i sincerely said i wanted to meet them after i finish the job, they didn't believe... what else is there for me to say?

which is why i decided not to call the rest and just meet this friend of mine alone... with him, i know i wouldn't be subjected to such things... i can just be myself... all i need is just some understanding, is that difficult?

Mega Singing Session...

2009-05-30T22:05:00.004+08:00

I went for this mega singing session with a friend last sat... we got a bit conned as the place was non aircon and loads of aunties and ladies from the 1950s.... we felt so out of place and even the songs that was in the program was not those that we normally would sing in the ktv... it felt like we had stepped back into the 1970s where open air cinemas were a fashionable thing...

here's the no of ppl who actually turned up and that is only one side of the amphitheatre... there's 3 sides, fyi..

chefs from ding tai feng, the chinese restaurant were there to sell food... ppl could get food and drinks from them and bring it to their seats.. it's free seating btw... and there were also ppl who would carry boxes of tidbits to sell along the aisles...

lyrics were projected onto the wall for the ease of the audience.. although the lyrics book were provided, the wording might just be a tad too small for the older generation...

we left about an hr later and headed towards safra jurong for a ktv session... it's got to be one of the best sessions that we had so far... 5 hrs of ktv with 2 drinks & tidbits and all for $20 nett.. cheap right? Of course the new club was also a beautiful place.. with the signature staircase, nice ponds and pools.. and a huge indoor playground for the kids... i bet the small one would love to go there...

we should go there and explore again.... :)

Breakfast at Starbucks

2009-05-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

I took some time today in the morning to head down to Starbucks for breakfast... Manosh said it was good and I had to try and I'm glad I did cos it's to die for and inexpensive as well... money worth spent...

With a cup of tea in my hand and my 'trusty' hp, i sat outside at the balcony for a while... looking at the ever familiar environment, the roads, cars and the beautiful trees outside the balcony... it reminded me of the days when i was in uni, mugging for exams, I remember plonking myself on one of the seats from the time they opened their doors till they close... I remember the quiet mornings on weekdays and only expat ladies sat on the same level as me... they were chatting away while their kids ran around the area... I remember I asked myself, if I would become like them... get married, have kids and sometimes meet friends for breakfast... at that point, i really just wanted to be a homemaker and wait for the husband to be home from his hard day at work...

Fast forward till now, I hardly can foresee myself getting married, although I still wish to settle down... but with my own career starting to take flight, it will be difficult to tell myself to give up everything and be a homemaker... unless I love the man way too much to do that... but the possibility is rather small... those carefree days are gone and now taking a break is a luxury... last time, going for drinks meant a cold soft drink or ice cream at the nearby fast food joint... now, it meant pints of beer, alcoholic drinks, mixers, shots etc... speaking of which, i havent had a drink for a long time... I like to go for a nice slow drink at one of the pubs at HV and people watch... havent done that for a while... I wish to do that soon...

More Rainbows...

2009-05-13T23:42:00.002+08:00

Saw this rainbow just outside SAFRA@Mt Faber some time ago... It was a full rainbow... beautiful...

Thinker or Do-er?

2009-05-05T09:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes if you look at job descriptions, they tell you they want somebody who is independent yet a team player... you wonder which type do they exactly want... but what the heck, you like the job scope, you go for it..

Soon enough, these people call you up for interviews, and you dress your best, put on some rare makeup, a suit sometimes and those killer heels and go for an interview with your potential employers...

During the interview, you go and impress the people there, go through the momentum of fighting for more moolah... and you prepare yourself for a new job! woohooo!!

Then you go through the couple of first weeks.. nothing much to do, read more and more materials... and then you start doing some piece of work and then you wonder how come this piece of job is done this way... but when you question, your boss tells you, just do it.. dun question so much...

but some pieces of work needs a lot of thought thru... so do they exactly need a do-er who does exactly what you want, not knowing what is in store or a thinker who can warn you of any serious repercussions?

Catching up with myself...

2009-05-02T22:59:00.002+08:00

I haven't been updating my blog for a while... been busy and lazy... didn't know what to say, how to say and whether to say it...

I left the job that gave me a lot of good experience... i left because i needed more time with my family and also to kickstart my own career outside... i needed something not so time consuming i guess... thus although it was a heartpain decision, i decided to go with it... afterall, if fate allows, we will meet again...

i started at another location, and in the midst of settling down... as usual, i'm busy at work with all the nonsense... but this time round, i get to go back on the dot each day, spend more time with my family and friends... during the last 3 weeks, i managed to meet up with mayling, malcolm, anis, minpei, lorraine, JJ, BH, YY, BK.... and all it took was just a couple of phone calls or sms which i didn't have the time to make previously... i am happy.... at least for now...

Mayling and I am planning for a trip to Korea in Oct... tight budget but trying to save for it and make the best out of it...

Malcolm, Minpei, Lorraine & Anis and I met for a "Magical Feast Under the Stars" event... featuring an international award winning magician and also morrocan food... a bit disappointing but still enjoyed the catching up... shall post the pics soon...

JJ & BH and I checked into Hotel Re! for a complimentary one night stay... had a great day shopping, massage and just hanging out with each other... Hotel Re! is a boutique hotel, small and cosy... would definitely want to go back there again...

BK, YY. YB & I went out for a catchup cum birthday dinner session for BK... had ding tai feng and then starbucks coffee at Raffles City... easy session with best school friends always beats anything else... basically, we spoke of nonsense all night long...

I wanted to do some home improvement to my room too.. wanted to paint my room during the long weekend... but had to be called to attend a networking session on thurs night so i abandoned the idea... but to make up for that, i spent the whole sat at home, just lazing around and sleeping with the cats... until we had to go out for family dinner... we have a new maid... from PH... she seems alright and food & communication was definitely easier compared to the previous one...

hmmmm... what should i do tomorrow? prob shower the cats and let them hate me for the rest of the day... oh yes, boy boy left me a long scratch on my arm last night while i was sleeping... when i woke up this morning, it was swelling like a big bun.... sheesh.... somebody deserves a big slap on the bum.... :(

UNLV Graduation Day

2009-03-19T13:51:00.002+08:00

Finally the day came for the 24 of us to graduate.. after one yr since our last lesson... The graduation itself was quite a joke as it was not the usual serious graduation ceremony.. but more of like a kindergarten class graduation... some of us got quite pissed off.. others were just glad to have not attended it at all... for me, i chose not to attend it but yet i turned up to meet my old friends...

Looking back at the past one yr, all of us have graduated and moved into the different areas which we want to be in... some of us have left the events industry, some like me have stayed in the industry, doing events and still refining the way we craft our events... we still have a long way to go but i know we will get there in the end...

on the way to the ceremony, i wondered to myself, if you were here with me, would you share my joy of graduation with me and be proud of me? I wanted very much to share this joy with you... while most of the time, my feet were not planted onto the ground, you were my anchor and kept me focused... now that i can plant my own two feet into the ground on my own, would you be proud of me?

the other day, cubix and i went into an indian restaurant and over there, naturally, i got reminded of you... the nice restaurants we went to, the boo boos I had made with the super sweet dessert and water and of cos, the moo moos and elephants which i loved so much... sometime further ago, your colleague dropped me an email asking about me and said she wanted to carry on being a friend with me despite all that has happened... while her reason for replying almost 8 mths later was rather unbelievable, i still couldn't let myself be friends with her again... sometimes, i wonder how would i react if i had seen you somewhere along the streets of our old office? would i avoid you or would i be gracious enough to forget everything and say hi?

Biased...

2009-02-24T19:24:00.002+08:00

When u dislike somebody, everything about that person becomes a negative..... even the way the person smiles becomes wicked to you...

i realised it this morning.. i have been complaining about this person for a long long time.. but it didn't dawn on me that it is because of the distorted image that i have for this person.. maybe it is the feel this person gives me, maybe it is the argument that we had, maybe it is the constant nagging, maybe it is just wrong from the beginning..

no matter how hard i tried to accomodate, to learn, to listen, it's just plain waste of effort... utterly revolting...

so i say, do not try to change the way i do my stuff, i live my life the way i want... i talk to ppl the way i want it... dun give me the shit about how i should treat some ppl and how i should talk to them...leave all those philosophies to yourself... Excuse me, this is Kate Ang you are speaking to and not some clone of yourself... so leave me alone...

Lessons learnt...

2009-02-22T21:36:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I blogged... a lot of things have happened and a lot of lessons have been learnt throughout this... let's recap...

Office

A lot of my colleagues left... they served their notice and left... office is a lot more quieter than usual... sometimes i wonder if it is good or bad... good cos then i can work in peace.. bad is bcos the air seems to be so dead, morale seems low... new colleagues came quickly to fill in the void.. but i guess it is just not the same... from a newbie in the company, i quickly got promoted to one of the old birds around... i got also to see for myself how others interact with each other and how quickly they want to try to bond with each other so that they can work better in the long run... i dun like such pretence... for me, the bonding comes naturally, be it thru work or thru lunch... it's natural... do not need to cultivate purposefully though...

Work has been tiresome... a lot of work has been piling up due to some miscommunications and time is needed to clear my stuff for my own project... it has been lagging and yes, i do feel the pressure to pull it back on track... but i guess next week should be a better week... I have managed to finish my ocbc cycle and can fully concentrate on Biathlon and my upcoming projects... the battle has just begun...

speaking of ocbc, it's an experience to remember... be it the good or bad... if it's good, u learn from it, if it's bad, u learn not to go down the same route... but yes, it has been a rewarding 3 days... an eye opener to see how real event companies work... of cos, it's also a good networking session i had with the sponsors which I feel was the best thing i could ever get from this event...

Personal

I attended Wakin's concert... satisfying... lots of memories... his songs have been with me since 14... and i have not missed any of his concerts except for the 20th anniversary and the lee guitars cos i had nobody to go with me... this time round, i had jean with me... by the time, he sang the second song, i already had tears in my eyes.. it was the sincerity that i could feel that moved me... but then again, i'm a crybaby to begin with...

I haven't had a personal life for a while since i'm always stuck at work and weekends are always stuck with attending events for work related reasons... it's a learning curve i guess... the more ppl i know & the more i know about the things happening around me, the better it is for me...

I guess that's so much for my poor non existent social life.. sigh....

hmmmm....

2009-01-29T14:37:00.002+08:00

this 2 weeks have been a tough time... although we had chinese new yr, we also had a funeral to attend to.. besides that, i also had some personal stuff to attend to...

work wise, things have been fine other than some gossip that have been floating around regarding the last event i organised... well, while gossips have always been around, it's such a shame that gossips even travel all the way to other departments, other clubs... to me, gossips are entertainment which should be contained within the department becos with other departments around, you should always been seen helping your own teammates and not stabbing them with a knife... such a disappointment...

i toyed with the idea of moving on... i couldn't take the gossips as well as the ridiculous procedures they have in the office... i spoke to my manager and some other colleagues about it... and the next min i know, somebody else from another department asked me when is my last day... wow.. the abused power of communication...

i went out with my ex colleagues from symc last night... went to get my skates before going for dinner... will be going to learn inline skating which is why i need to get my skates... dinner was ok but prob because i have really detached from the corporate world, i didn't really have anything to say... maybe we just grow apart...

after dinner, we managed to go river hongbao to visit some of my old colleagues... some of the china students were there working and of cos, sharon is still there. this yr is relatively smaller than the previous year, pretty much same concept but i guess it's more managable... all of us had either toe cramps or blisters walking in our covered heels... hehe... the trip home was also a rather quiet one... oh well...

anyway, ppl change and ppl move on... something that malcolm taught me... change is the only constant in this world.. how true...

the passing of a loved one...

2009-01-21T14:09:00.000+08:00

Uncle has finally moved on... tuesday, 20th Jan... the end of his suffering... the start of our missing... the funeral was a painful one with lots of tears and heartache...i took time off to spend time with my sister in law... make sure she gets enough time to rest... sister in law couldn't let go and fainted during one of the last rituals... it's hard i suppose.. i could just imagine how hard is it for me to part with my own parents...

but to be on a positive note, uncle is in a better place where he will be able to cook his favourite dishes and share with many others in the other world... he will be free from pain and all the dietary restrictions, needles and everything... he will be watching his grandson grow up from above and smiling to himself at how fortunate that he has been to even have spent time with the small one...

other than my sister in law who has been crying her heart out, our maid, tuti has also been softly crying away during those few days... nobody noticed her until i asked if she was fine... she spent all her waking hours with uncle since the first day she arrived here and yes, we have all forgotten that she needs support too...

whatever it is, rest in peace.... we shall meet again...

Breathless...

2009-01-13T09:43:00.003+08:00

My first event is finally over... but not without glitches... first my logistics person didn't not to show up, then the venue decided not to let my vehicles in and caused major delay and somebody decided to break his arm at my event. However, thankfully, the weather was so good that most of us got sunburnt... or is it just me?

Honestly, I thought I could have a short break before running back in the race... well, i guess not... we had some probs internally and honestly, it was a stupid mistake to have in the first place... while i brought it up before, it was turned to deaf ears and now it has become a big issue... but it is also through this prob that i saw how cold blooded some of these guys can be... i wondered to myself, who am i working for? a bunch of idiots who loves to play the blame game or ppl who loves to find fault with others?

I took a short break this morning...wanting to go visit uncle this morning... i haven't visited him since i worked hard at hot & breathless... he's been in hospital for a while and the last i heard, he is just buying time... he looks frail and can hardly talk... unlike the uncle that i knew almost ten yrs ago... the one who cooked fabulous food, loved a good laugh and shared my passion for good food... he knew his time is up... he can't see his grandchild grow up and nor hear him call him "ye ye"... and yet, while at the hospital, i kept having msgs from my bosses to go back to office for a stupid overdue department meeting... i wish i could lashed out at her.... i wish i could have just taken more time off to spend time with uncle... but i am so tied up at work that I am just not able to...

sometimes i wonder, which is more important? family or career? i fought hard for my career last time...only to see it crumble... i neglected my family at that point in time... only thinking of bringing in money for the family... until my uncle passed away then i realised how much they are important to me... now that i have the time for them, i have a irritating boss who doesn't see that as my priority... while i give all my best at work, it seems to her, it is not enough... so yes, working there sometimes can be breathless...

i wish for somebody to be by my side now... yes, i have to admit, i still miss you... no matter how much u have hurt me.... but time will heal wounds... but time will not erase my memories of you... btw, happy belated birthday...

Long weekend...

2008-12-21T23:12:00.002+08:00

No.. i dun mean a holiday on mon... i had an event on sat... thus for the past one week, i've been at work with my colleagues till late into the night... although, i was working on some other project, it's really the bonding that matters... it gave us the platform to know each other better...

Honestly, no event is perfect.. there's bound to be hiccups in one way or another... the movers came late to pick up the goodie bag items, the packing started late and we almost didn't have time to go back to office to shower and change for the night... the registration started with no warning and everything was in a mess, instructions passed down at the last min but not everyone heard the latest news... it's common... but i guess i was really upset as my own personal friend was roped in for fun but ended up being so stressed out at the registration counter where she was not supposed to be... i didn't want to blow up at my own team mates but i had to get it out of my system, so i complained to my boss... after that, i told myself, i should not even mention this at the debrief...

if you ask me what goodness i got out of this event, it's really how to manage myself at events in public... several times, i had the urge to shout at ppl who created the mess... but kept telling myself that's not gonna help the problem... thus, i left the event with a stomach full of anger, although i wanted to go get myself a few alcoholic drinks... i went home, hungry and upset... prob some food will do me good... so i got myself an ice cream... by the time i was calm and happy, it was like 2am... i needed my bed by then...

honestly, i enjoyed working in this team bcos i can really be myself... did i ever tell you that my colleagues are very adorable? at least the closer ones... Sebas, my boss or superior he calls himself, is somebody who is very knowledgable with the event work.. gives me good insight on a lot of things and sees things from a bigger view that I cannot seem to see... working with him for just 2 mths, i've learnt a lot.. the downside? he's needed by so many ppl that there's hardly time left for him... nicholas whom we affectionately call nicky boy, has been the one providing all the fun and laughter in the office... with him, it feels comfortable... i can speak the truth without worries and yes, my stomach hurts from all the laughter that he provides... liling, a very helpful person whom i see as nic's best bud... sings in symphony with nic and reacts to nic's jokes and funny actions... with them around, my stomach hurts twice as much... kris... (if nic reads this, he will go hmmmm...) my senior director that everybody so hates... but yet, although she displays zero EQ and pushes us a whole lot, it is also through talking to her that i get ideas for my various events... she has no limits, she believes the only limits is yourself... think bigger and larger... and yes, that is what i like about her... dream big... the rest of my colleagues requires more time to nurture the bond and friendship.. but yes, when the time is right, i will describe them to my readers as well...

drum roll

2008-12-21T23:09:00.002+08:00

Welcome home, my dearest Cubix!!!!

Cubix is coming home on 22 Dec... missed her very very much since she left for US 2 yrs ago...i promised her that I will go over to visit her but never made it cos of financial difficulties and now, i feel glad she is back for good... welcome home... =)

Sometimes I feel grateful...

2008-12-16T08:53:00.003+08:00

I woke up on last Sat, feeling grateful... because I had finally had one sat which I did not need to wake up early, did not have any plans to go anywhere and I could just laze around at home with my cats, watching tv and literally, watching the clouds roll by... As I looked further down into my heart for the source of that strange happiness, I realised that, despite the economic downturn in this part of the world, I still had a job or rather, just started on a job which allows me to do what I love... maybe the environment is not all perfect, there are gossips, ppl whom you just cannot work with.. etc.. but I'm happy there.. because other than the irritating ppl, I have a bunch of colleagues who can share my passion for events, a boss who understands my need for inspiration before I can work on my slide deck and most of all, I still had a job that needed me and allowed me to pay my bills... so despite the huge amount of work and numerous arrows *reminds me of what Jarrod said about being a dartboard* that come shooting at me... i'm grateful...

On this job, I learnt a lot more about the different kinds of events... i took time to visit the standard chartered run event.. although i'm not running but i saw a lot of things which i felt i could incorporate into my own events, a lot of things which my colleagues have been sharing with me over the past one mth and i could see with my own eyes at the event... prior to that, i visited the sports and fitness expo where i found many different products in the market whom i feel i could approach to for booths, sponsorship etc.. i also went for the world slalom championships and saw the world class skating professionals do various stunts on wheels... something which i have never seen before...

It is also on this job that I had the experience of being chased out of carparks cos i was illegally distributing flyers to promote our events... though the event was not something i had organised but it was a team effort... and although, walking the whole of clarke quay and robertson walk area on heels was torturous, the teamwork feeling was incredible... and of course, we had lots of fun... and this is also where our bonding strengthened... because without a strong bond or even the basic element of trust, you can never produce any event on your own...

Of course, there are times where you bitch about the job as well... ppl whom you think should use more of their common sense, sponsors who try to squeeze everything out of you when you already have given them the best and of course, the ever-irritating counterparts whom i work with... but i take all of them positively... bcos if i take it personally or negatively, it would soon eat into me and take over the fun and enjoyment i have in my job... take it as a lesson to be learnt.. becos only when you emerge from the situation, then you can consider yourself as a winner...

As I blog in my office, I feel the tonnes of work creeping up onto me and haunting me... and this morning, my ipod refused to switch off.... i guess it's really time for me to plug in and just ignore the rest of the world and just indulge myself in my little world of work... =)

Flight or fight?

2008-12-08T21:44:00.002+08:00

Is it fright that I am encountering now as I sit down at Starbucks to go thru the stuff that I have to solve for my 2 upcoming events? It seem daunting... i remember this image that YB gave me when we were out shopping for his D&D clothes... he said the credit card machine which the sales use to swipe the card with is liken to a huge aligator with its mouth open, showing all its sharp teeth and just waiting for your card so that it can chomp on your credit limit...I laughed at the image that was conjoined in my brain... now.. that image is in my brain again... it's as if it's just seated right in front of me... baring its teeth and just waiting for me...

how do i go about working it thru? YB said the project is way too big for an exec to be handling on her own.. i say that is the culture of the work environment here so i gotta learn to adapt to it.. but of cos, having said so, it is also a good exposure... once u go thru it, u will know there is nothing to be afraid of and you will be more open to such things and also more confident in one way or another... it's not something that i can tell to my work colleagues or bosses... but i still do know how to ask for help when i need it... it's just me... or maybe something that somebody has taught me before.. "ask and i will do it for you.. if you dun ask, i will assume u can do it yourself."

of cos, there has been cases where i chose flight more than fight cos I am not confrontational by nature.. but i guess when it comes to work, I will need to condition myself to be more confrontational... afterall, if u cannot be an Alpha female, you will only be stepped all over in events.. so all my colleagues in events have been Alpha female in one way or another...and they are very good examples... esp when u work with male species who are quite MCPs... they are held in high esteem in their area of work and to prove them wrong, esp when u are a female will be quite detrimental to their ego...

fight on... i will fight to make my point, fight to stay on my feet and most of all, fight to stay on par with them...

.....

2008-12-04T00:09:00.003+08:00

Since the mumbai bombings, I've wondered if i should ask if my friends over there are fine.. I told myself i should let go already... why hang onto something which will never come true? I thought I could put it behind me.. I was at starbucks this evening with a friend and I heard the song we used to listen in the car and somebody in the queue looks like you, it reminded me of you... a cup of coffee, music, made me think of you more... I wish you health and safety in such troubled times... stay safe.

Expired friends..

2008-11-25T22:55:00.002+08:00

I first heard this phrase from a close friend.. i remembered me asking her what is the definition of expired friends... she told me it's basically ppl whom u dun talk to anymore cos u realise there aren't many or no common topics to talk about anymore... i guess it is a common thing until it strike myself...

The same friend had asked me to join her colleagues for a board game session one night.. we had met the previous night for dinner to celebrate the nov babies' birthday... but what was different was that i didn't have the familiar ex colleagues around.. only her and another friend and their 4 other colleagues... i declined, knowing full well i will be left out... and with a briefing session that was going on on the same day, all i wanted was just to chill at some watering hole... so that day, my work ended at close to 730pm and i did end up meeting another friend to have a couple of drinks....

Some time later after this incident, one of them asked me if i had declined the invitation simply bcos i felt left out... i guess so... i could no longer appreciate systems and all that... so if they are gonna start talking about things that happen at work, i guess i would be bored... and also similarly for them, if they keep hearing about my work, they would get bored too... and then that friend said something like "yeah, i guess once u settle down, we might just drift apart too cos we wouldn't have much to talk about too"... well, maybe this is what we call expired friends...

anyway, another person tendered at work this evening... that makes 5 this month... not that i am affected by the culture or anything but i guess it is demoralising... u barely know this bunch of ppl and have done 2 events together, u're building up the rapport and they are going again... esp when in events, u dunno who u can rely on when u are the overall in charge... u can't be doing everything yourself and yet u cannot find anybody to help u... but in the meantime, i'm trying to keep my chin up... although everyone is telling me it's not worth it to put in effort for even the slightest thing, but i guess it is really the respect u have for your own job... u just want a good job done... no matter how small.. cos in events, it matters a lot...

island's dnd is coming up soon... quite excited about it... afterall, this is something that i had participated in most parts of it and i really think it is gonna be a good job done... =) shall update u once it's over...

Clubhouse life...

2008-11-19T08:55:00.003+08:00

How should I describe this? While I am open to such things, too much of it is simply a turn off.. esp when you are in a serious meeting?! This is prob something that I need to get used to... another thing is a colleague who is such a braggart... brags about how chases girls, how much he drinks and all that good old days shit... turn-off.... bleah...

those aside, the real work is starting.. i'm assigned a major project and now starting to do up the slides for the first executive committee meeting... *sweat* dunno how to go about doing it and dunno what to expect... and how am i gonna handle my counterparts... stand firm on my ground and make sure everyone listens to me... basically be an Alpha female... this is the real world.. u need to stand firm otherwise ppl will step all over you... *pant* gotta pick up things fast and move fast... *pant pant*

I've never handled such a huge project before and I tell you I am freaking out in one way or another... imagine if you plan for the event and nobody comes.. *eeps!* or worse, you end up with very negative comments about the event.. *eeps!!!!* I'm telling myself to be positive.. everything will be fine... things will turn out good... well, at least i hope so... :

ok.. shall go work on my slides now... and then i will need to go for another training session... ~Aja Aja Fighting!~

Bored bored bored...

2008-11-12T16:01:00.002+08:00

I thought I wouldn't need to update my blog in the office.. but I was utterly so bored that I had to update it to kill some time...

Updates

I know i should have done this earlier.. but i felt i didn't wanna let so many ppl know.. i prob dun see the need to... I have completed my island job and found something permanent in the events industry...

When i left the island job, i had a tinge of regret.. my work with them is not done.. i still have one outstanding event to complete and i feel bad leaving it to them to handle.. but the team was gracious enough to accept my reasoning and wished me good luck.. on the last day, my boss wrote a touching email to thank me for my hard work.. u know, this is really the first time i felt i was appreciated for my work as a temp girl...

On my last journey out, I thought of how proud somebody would be of me.. I took a shot of the last sunset I would see on the island and ended my chapter with island... i haven't told u how much i love the sunsets that i can see on the island... with no high buildings, the sunsets are just beautiful...

I started work at my new company immediately..only a weekend to rest... so far it has been what i expected.. although my worries is that the turnover is relatively high, I'm sure i will stay put until I have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish in the first place... ppl here are nice and friendly.. so far so good...

then recently, I have finally taken my korean language.. after talking for so long about it.. my cubix is already coming back.. and i was supposed to be an expert by the time she comes back...bah! so it's gonna be a course of 10 lessons... and i'm halfway thru it... i can say the basic words, pronounce the basic words... but if u ask to write or form sentences, it might just take a tad longer.. and most importantly, my textbook has to be with me... hehehe... but i'm working towards being proficient enough to make it my 4th language... so this yr's xmas present i'm hoping for a korean dictionary... so that i can widen my vocab...

Canele - where chocolate is a lust..

2008-10-17T14:39:00.004+08:00

Caroline, Eileen and I went for a girls' night out after our food tasting session at The Legends. I think we all needed a break and it seemed like a good time... we decided on Canele at Paragon and indulged in the various chocolate sins that they had to offer... it was definitely a decadent night... chocolate was so rich and smooth that somehow, it made me feel so happy..*drool*

The story of boo boo little Kate

2008-10-13T13:48:00.000+08:00

And the story goes like this….

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Kate.. she works on far far away land called Jurong Island, so everyday she has to wake up early to go to work.

Then one day, little Kate decides to go to work earlier to finish up her work and thus, she left the house before the sun came out to play and got on her way to the company shuttle bus. As she approaches the bus bay, she saw the company bus driving into the bus bay and in her mind she thought to herself, “ shit, why the bus so early?!” So little Kate decides to dash across the road and runs to the bus. She manages to get onto the bus and promptly finds herself a seat while the bus driver starts to move.

Just as little Kate settles in her seat, she realizes she might be on the wrong bus! She thought to herself again, “how come these ppl dun look intelligent one ah?? Shit, got on the wrong bus… where this bus goes ah??” So little Kate sat on the bus, eyeing on the route which the driver is taking and wondering if she will even end up in another far far away land called Tuas.. as luck would have, little Kate manages to reach Jurong Island check point on the wrong bus and now has another problem. Where does she find the right bus that goes to her workplace? She looks at every single bus that goes through the checkpoint and finally manages to spot the right bus!! Hurray!!

As little Kate makes her way up to the right bus, she smiles and beams happily at the driver. Usually, little Kate does not smile that happily at the driver and this time, the driver is taken aback by little Kate. As little Kate settles in her seat again, she is just glad she found the right bus to work.

The End

Appearance of rainbows

2008-10-04T22:34:00.004+08:00

I saw a rainbow after the heavy downpour on Fri... good days are coming soon... =)

Overdue: KL trip the good one

2008-10-04T22:00:00.003+08:00

Here's the pics for my latest KL trip with ML... we did a lot of shopping * ok, maybe I did *

the budget terminal

the gate *yes, we were THAT bored!!*

the small plane

the travel companion

we got to Madam Kwan's for our dinner

Her unique namecard

Food from Madam Kwan's

the premium toilet that u need to pay to get in at KLCC(!) and oh yes, my previous 2 silly companions used it.. heheh

Deco in the central of KLCC

Malaysia still used the old transit link card that we used to use

their monrail station

the hotel was so sweet.. they knew that it was my birthday and sent a complimentary cake for us to celebrate.. of cos, I shared 90% of the cake with the staff there... if u wanna know, it's Melia KL hotel. Great place to stay in, located conveniently next to major shopping malls and train stations.. *sounds like an ad huh?*

ML insisted that we try this brand of baos... they have quite a good variety of flavours...

Us again!! Till the next time!!

Happy Belated Birthday to myself

2008-09-24T10:24:00.002+08:00

This year' s birthday was a quiet event.... no major celebrations... prob because I'm still recovering.. so in order to let myself not feel so pathetic about myself, i decided to go on a holiday.. maybe then i can meet somebody new...hehehe...

ML and I had planned to go Bangkok but due to the political situation there, we changed our minds and decided to go to KL.. as I had gone there in aug... so not much of excitement.. but the thought of going there to just do nothing but shopping and pampering myself is quite a happy thing...

Before my trip, I met up with my buddies from Symantec to celebrate Win and my birthday.. Win has the exact same birthdate as me but he's like 10 yrs older than me... we had a fun time that night... =)

I met up with YB, Ben, YY and Julian as well for dinner the following night.. well, in a way, this birthday meet up was set up only because I complained how my gang did not celebrate for me for the past 3 yrs... well, i gotta be thankful that I had a nice chocolate cake even though I do not really relish chocolate cake.. as what YY said, this cake is gonna last me the next 2 yrs...

After that, I got onto the tiny Tigerairways plane and flew to KL...had a truly happy time shopping over there... bought lots of stuff, did silly things and felt so pampered over there... pictures to follow in the next post.. haven't upload yet... heheh...

Then yesterday, I got my birthday present from Cubix... it's a eeyore tee!!! a tad too big but that is something that can be solved easily.. but the Eeyore on the tee is so adorable!! Shall take a pic and show it to u guys later on... heheh

Quietly...

2008-08-28T23:02:00.002+08:00

I sat in the room quietly... all by myself...
with no wish to speak to anybody...
it's one of those moments...
you have crept back into my mind.. unknowingly...
all the memories have come back to me...

i woke up feeling pain in my heart...
i went through the day not knowing what i was doing..
despite the fact that my hands were doing something...
i sat thru the bus journey home and the song i knew so well came up...
the pain started again...

sometimes i wonder if you feel pain like me...
sometimes i wonder why do i still trust you like before..
i still feel the telepathy...
i still wish you good despite the pain...

friends crowd around me when i need them...
jean, shan, grace, mayling, sharon,vera,cubix, gary,elen... they were all there
helping me in one way or another to let me move on...
they had a burning question.. why was it so difficult?
i know it hurts all of them seeing me this way...
only cubix knew... my hidden feelings that spanned over 3 years..
3 years worth of feelings will be harder to let go...

i have developed a habit of buying flowers when i need a quiet moment
maybe, subconsciously, they are meant as replacement for the flowers you were supposed to get for me when i flew over...
quietly, time will heal...

Congrats to you...

2008-08-21T14:35:00.001+08:00

You got your wish of doing regional work... be it in compliance or training. You deserve what you are enjoying now. Strive on, I know you are capable of more. Show me what you are capable of.

Life is complete with teh-ping*

2008-08-17T22:32:00.004+08:00

*iced milk tea

Since I came back from my short getaway, I had been looking around for a job. Jobs came about rather easily this time... Although I may not be as lucky as some of my classmates who have landed good jobs, I truly believe my turn will come soon.. *damn, it had better come soon!!!* So I was offered this position that paid more and gave me a different exposure... only one thing was not good about it... the location... Jurong Island... You can read more about it here. Most ppl tell me I'm stranded on the island.. yes, indeed... company shuttle buses come and pick you up everyday at 8am from Clementi and takes them 10 mins to get to the island checkpoint, you go thru the detectors and scanners everyday, hop back onto the bus and goes on another 20 mins journey to the company... same goes for the trip back... lunch is a simple affair at the canteen downstairs.. only one stall and not my favourite.. so I've decided to stock up my own lunch.. maggi mee... instant soup, titbits... anything that can stop me from growling... so the days go on like this... you go to work on the dot, have maggi mee lunch, get off work on the dot... the simple routine lets me wonder what do I truly want...

Some women would want a simple life.. a job, a bf/husband, some kids, financial support and they're happy... some want more... sometimes i wonder if i should start wanting more for my own life... while looking at others who have done better than me in their lives, i wonder what is it that I have missed out... while others have stayed in the same job for the past X no of years, I've moved around from job to job, industry to industry... I've learnt more than most of them.. at least I know how to handle a printer jam much better than the rest... at least I know how to on the auto filters in an excel sheet.. *yes, i've met ppl who do not know how to, TWICE!* I have friends from many different walks of life.. not just colleagues from the same industry... so this is how I justify moving from job to job is good...

Just the other day, a friend was telling me that a lot of time, ppl will do things behind your back because they think it is for your own good... this caused me to think... a lot of times, ppl tell me, i do this bcos it is for your own good... some of them do not even tell u at all.. they just do it and expect u to thank them later in life... i wonder, how would you know it is for my own good if you are not me? Being somebody who likes to bump and knock into things before I learn my lesson, I hate ppl to do things that is for my own good... I need a convincing reason before I accept... i think i'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes...

I had a nasty encounter with a big fat roach last night... was watching tv and walked into the kitchen for some water when I saw this big, fat roach staring in my face... took me by a surprise and yes, I guess the roach had a surprise too... quickly scrambled towards the ceiling... and i ran to scream for my mom and brother, who happily ignored me... i had no choice but to ask my two lazy bums to help me exterminate the roach... well, conclusion, after a lot of screams later, they did not get the job done.. the roach scot free... grumbled at the two of them for a long long while before i decided it is safer to hide under my blankie and go to bed.. far far away from the roach.. these are the kind of times which men come in handy.. *Correction: men who are NOT afraid of roaches...

I was out meeting LJK club friends today... chatted for a good 1.5hrs.. it's nice to have some things in common...they are trying to organise a trip to Seoul this yr end... esp before LJK goes into army next yr... I'm not sure... still hopeful about going to visit Cubix end of the yr... although the chances are slim, i'm still keeping the option of going to visit her open... i dun want her to whack me when she comes back... shall see how things go... haven't been talking with cubix for a while too... sometimes i just do not feel like talking at all...

oh well, gotta go prepare for bed now... ever since i stopped tuning myself to India time, bed time has been rather early.. the latest is prob 1230...in case I miss the bus to work!

Update: Singapore got its first silver medal after 48 yrs.. thanks to the table tennis girls..

Short Getaway

2008-08-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

ticket to getaway

Destination 1-Genting

The Fish Spa activity *warning, do not try if you are giggly*

Destination 2-KL

The room

The "view"

The companions *Note: Nothing happened*

The buildings

The boring brand shopping

The Night Life

The Food..

Overall: It was an ok trip.. prob bcos of the distance, it didn't feel like I was away from Singapore.. but one lesson learnt: do not travel with 2 men... it is hazardous to health, u will lose a lot of blood just by talking to them... one man is good enough.. *wink*

My love will get you home

2008-08-07T11:12:00.002+08:00

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

I found the old emails that I wrote to you two years ago when u had problems with gunjan... i dunno why but somehow they are still in my mailbox... it sparked of some old memories that i had laid to rest some 2 months ago.. when i read those mails, this was the song that came to my mind.. although we were not meant to be, somehow, i still get this feeling that i am standing in the midst of a busy road and staying still, waiting for you... maybe deep down, i still believe in the old you that i knew so well... the one who was passionate about dancing and life... i can't say i will wait for you in the midst of the busy road, both of us need to move on towards our goals... maybe i shall just hope that in the journey of finding our goals, we will meet and travel together again...

A decision is made...

2008-07-31T12:29:00.003+08:00

and no regrets about it... although there was a high chance to be converted, as things have moved on till this stage, it is hardly any other way out... i dun want to be there as well.. no matter how many happy memories we had during the short period i worked there, it's over...

of cos, i'm upset at the way things turned out... it's a lesson learnt.. never to work for micro managers... it kills everything... bad aftertaste....

at least now i can move forward... so i'm happy... =)

happy go lucky-healthy-wealthy

2008-07-28T20:49:00.003+08:00

I heard this phrase on my way to meet uncle charlie and the rest for dinner on sat... this cab uncle was telling me the philosophy of his life... if u are happy, then u will be lucky and if u are happy and lucky, you will feel good and then you will eat well and u will be healthy and with a healthy body, you will work fine and u will be wealthy...
it was a nice short conversation with the cab uncle... he showed me his family potrait of which his kids are around my age and has his good looking genes... *a family of cuties!*

i've had a long long week... week started out bad and ended with a tinge of desperation in my broken soul... i had been penalised for things which was not executed properly... part of it is my fault, part of it was not mine... things got rather bad that I had asked the girls out for a "sex and the city" kind of gathering.. just sit round, have a nice dinner and just bitch about things and the irritating stubble man... i wished things were better... weekend was good... i had lazed around at home and had met uncle charlie and the rest for dinner.. it was nice catching up with them... the girls and i had a short catch up session again after the dinner before we left off for home... on sun, i took some 'me' time... took a bus and went down to thomson to get some roses for myself... went for a manicure after that and basically relaxed at home...

this week i guess is off to a bad start... had a closed door meeting with my boss... confronting me of my relationship with the vendor... the way it seems to me, boss didn't agree with the fact that i was very chummy with my vendor and it seems to undermine boss's status... now that i have somewhat been given a second chance at work, which to be honest, is really keeping me cos there's things to be done, but just not the project related work, i was told to prove my worth... i still dun see my own faults but i think it is just the way the hierarchy works in the company... i feel stifled... i do not like hierarchies... i still prefer the old mnc way of working i guess...

the other night, a friend asked me if i still needed time to sort my thoughts out about him... i dun deny that i still miss him.. i was at jumbo seafood the other night and flipping through the menu, i saw this dish of fried baby octopus and got reminded that he told me he had tried it and liked it... yes, heart sank for a while but soon, i was fine... the damage is done and is still there... but i know i will survive... maybe with many scars but eventually i can laugh heartily... things are just getting better...

....

2008-07-10T22:36:00.002+08:00

I think I have recovered... not fully... but good enough to go on my own... these days, i have thought of dropping him a line or two to explain to him why i reacted that way and moving forward... however, the more i thought of what i wanted to write, the less i felt i had to say... now it has come to a stage where i dunno what else to say to him... i have to admit, yes, i am still waiting.. for him to open up as a friend to me.. but i guess i am no longer looking for an answer... of cos i wished he would tell me what happened, but if he didn't want to, only time will tell what has happened then... and in his own philosophy, only time will justify his actions... and yes, i agree...

the other day, i saw his msn handle.. he's not well.. my heart missed a beat... but after a while, i realised he is responsible for himself.. not me, not his mom, not anybody else... but yet, as a friend, i told him to take good care of himself. even if we didn't end up together, i know we will end up as really good friends, if he wants to. some ppl are better off as friends than being a couple.. he is one of them.. looking back, my happiest times with him were when we are still friends... as a couple, i had too many things i realised i couldn't share bcos i was worried how it would affect him... maybe our timing is still not right...

i was on a half day sick leave this afternoon.. had a strange bout of flu that came over me in the morning... i didn't want to take any chances.. workload is significantly picking up... the new trainee can't really cope on his own, one colleague is going on marriage leave and the other is on a 2 weeks leave... i wanted this bout of flu to go away... i can't afford to be sick all the way till 2nd sept... as i slipped under my blankie and slept my flu away with boy boy, it felt like the first time i fell sick after i broke up 6 yrs ago... but this time round, i didn't hurt that much.. not even a single drop of tear... i thought about it and fell asleep... i'm on the road of recovery i guess...

i must start planning for my career i tell myself... i still have lots of things to do before i turn 35... i wanna learn how to drive, wanna work overseas, wanna have my own pad, wanna have my own business... i need to be stronger than before... at least one person believe that i'm strong... and yes, that is enough...

The Silence

2008-07-08T22:53:00.003+08:00

The Silence is deafening.. can you hear it?

I can't hear noises around me, bustling streets, talkative friends, colleagues, laughter and all...

Why do I hear only the Silence?

Why do I only feel the Silence in my heart?

I have learnt to let go.. I have learnt to be on my own...

Why does the Silence follow me everywhere I go like a thunder cloud?

Why does it seem to envelope me like the morning mist?

Because of You...

Because of your Silence, I created my own Silence...

I lost the ability to laugh, the abilty to create noise, the ability to be myself.

I hate the person I am now.

I wish to be able to ignore the Silence.

I am still weak, I am still enveloped by the Silence.

The Silence is deafening, can't you hear it?

Do what you feel is right...

2008-06-30T20:33:00.002+08:00

I've had a long long weekend... A few ex colleagues from HP was in town for work... 3 from India, 1 from Philippines... Elen from Philippines knew I was bothered and asked me to bunk in with her so that I could get away from all the hustle and bustle at home...

I've had a nice time catching up with them... we had a long drinking session on Fri night... it is one of those things which I felt I couldn't do here. People here would choose where to go, who to go with and all for just a simple drink... yet these friends will just pick a place that is nearby, drink and chat about everything under the sun and just be merry... no pressure, no stress... that night we chatted until 3am.. with a few drinks in my bloodstream, it felt good.. since the incident happened, I wanted to drink... but the lack of the right companions and the worry of being drunk on the streets made me stop myself... yes, that night had felt good... like the good old days i had in HP...

Of cos, during that session, we spoke of somebody. A lot... I had to pretend as if nothing has ever happened. It hurts badly no doubt.. but no, they do not need to know... they should not know. After they left on Sat, I filled myself with activities... meeting with SYMC colleagues, meeting with YB... I made myself exhausted... as I carried my almost empty shell along from one appointment to another, I told myself, I needed to smile.. be happy, so that these ppl will not worry for me... I can survive it.. I just need to be patient... but yet, this is my biggest weakness...

I spent my Sunday mostly in bed... I struggled out of bed for dinner and made myself sit in my own room to watch some dvds.... watching the sex and the city season 1.. there was this one episode that caught my attention... when Mr Big introduced Carrie to his mom as his friend... sounds familiar? I wish I had more wisdom to handle this kind of issue... I wish I had more understanding for him... now I am just filled with regrets... I must learn to be patient, i tell myself... I haven't been fair to him, somebody tells me... I didn't ask the most fundamental question.. I trusted ppl whom I shouldn't have... I killed it myself.. thus I am facing the consequences myself.. alone... I shut down my laptop and slipped myself back into my little comfort zone again...

I got busy at work... or maybe I made myself busy...I missed those guys whom I met over the weekend... I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to talk about it... yet the inevitable happened... colleagues over lunch asked..." so your leave confirm for july already?" I froze... I got reminded of the intended trip... *bang!* my emotions started to go out of control.... I said no and all of them huddled around me to ask what happened... I have no wish to talk, no wish to share...

By the time I had finished all the stuff that's pending, my mind started to relax... and emotions start to go crazy again... I spoke to Piglet briefly... apparently, no matter how much I tried to hide my emotions, the guys saw through me... they just never asked... I dun wish for anybody to come telling me that it's not worth it, he's just a jerk.. because to me, he isn't... because to me, he is somebody who needs time to sort things out... because, I've been mean too, I've been immature as well... ppl tell me to move on, stop staring at the closed door... I simply refuse to listen... I made the mistake once of listening to the wrong ppl.. i didn't listen to my heart... deep down, I trusted him... but yet my actions did otherwise... now I can only say sorry and wished he could hear me... ppl tell me he's gone, we've got fate to meet but no destiny to be together, I hear all that, I understand... so stop telling me all that... it's time I learn to listen to my heart...

Colleagues told me of how women should find a man who loves them more than they love him... they claim this is selfish but it helps to protect themselves... I chose all the time, men whom I love more... because I dun want to be the selfish one... I didn't mind giving more bcos giving gives me more happiness... just like giving of xmas presents... as long as u see the recipient's face light up, you will feel happy... thus I still stick to finding the man whom I love more... so no flower guy, no ex bf... my heart is still yearning for the one over at the other side of the world.. even if I am just looking at his back... even if in his eyes, I'm no longer there... this is the silly me... have always been this way... I've just been afraid of how ppl see me... in this relationship, I couldn't find strength in myself because I didn't want ppl to know I am the giver..

From now on, no more hiding behind my own wall of defence... no more pretences... I shall just be me... even if it means missing more ppl who comes with flowers, I shall follow my heart... because deep down, I still believe you are a good man, i still believe you are there... we just need more time... when it is time for you to open up to me, you will find that I am still here.

To myself...

2008-06-22T12:55:00.002+08:00

All of a sudden I didn't know how to laugh again... eyes puffy from tears... it's the situation i got myself into six yrs ago... maybe it's retribution i tell myself... i had other choices i didn't want to take then... i chose to reject the good guys on the pretext that i wasn't ready... but yet when i was ready, it turned out not the way i wanted...

i was out with the girls for shopping... they wanted to cheer me up... but all the labels didn't make me smile.. all the stupid jokes they made made me laugh but i know i wasn't laughing from deep down... and i know they could feel it... why torture yourself like this? if you chose to believe and love him for who he is, you should have expected such results... all relationships have a chance of having that ending.. and u know for yours too...

from the day u chose to be together, u know what u were getting into... u chose to let others influence your trust in him... u chose to distrust him... it is your choice...

as i move from one appointment to another, i put up a brave front... ppl who knew and ppl who didn't know.. all sensed that something is wrong with me... classmates from school were concerned why i was quiet... i did the same thing i did in india... i drank and be merry... i didn't want ppl to suspect something was wrong.. i was successful this time... we talked about how difficult we felt during our schooling days.. how much we wanted to give up the course.. and how each of us managed to hold onto each other and made it thru... deep down, i was grateful cos during the most difficult times in my life, he was there for me... no matter is it when i decided to move on from hp, when i took up the course, when i felt i was running this race on my own or when i felt i was gonna lose my dad, he was there... u know, i still remember one night after class, i was taking a long bus ride home after i rejected a classmate's offer to work for her company, i sent him a text msg saying that i must be mad in one way or another... i told him everything was wrong and i prob have lost it... he replied saying that he believes in me and everything is gonna be alright.. somehow, that gave me strength to believe in myself again and move on...

kate ang.. u some how manage to screw everything up... work, school, relationships.. almost everything... u're getting good at it huh?

From me to you part 2

2008-06-20T13:59:00.003+08:00

I heard more from her last night... as I sat down at Macdonalds trying to complete my work at about 12 midnight... i stared at the screen for a long long time... not knowing what to respond other than the normal ok and alright... i tried to use the most rational me to find a reason for whatever she has been telling all these while... i tried hard to dismiss it... i really did try... i heard what she has to say.. i didn't choose to defend or further explain anything...i left the conversation... i needed to be alone...

I must have walked for a long time on the road... my vision blurred as my tears flowed... yes, the hurt is real... so real that it hurts badly... real bad this time... have i been too silly all these while? you chose not to answer my question on msn the other time and i have guessed it should end up this way... yet i chose not to force an answer out of you... i felt you were old enough to answer to me honestly... i dun want to hear things from a third party's mouth.. i wanted you to tell me.. be it good or bad... it's tiring to fight a lonely battle... prob even so when you have rumors of your general have the intentions to move to another army... it's a lonely battle...

here i am now, broken and exhausted... where are you now?

From me to you...

2008-06-18T23:42:00.004+08:00

I remember this story I read many years ago as a child...

A child was lost in one of the province in China.. when found by the local magistrate, two women came up and claimed to be his mother... being young and confused, the child is not able to recognise his real mother. Thus the magistrate ordered the two women to tell what they know about the child...

" He has a mole on the right shoulder", shouts one woman
" He has a scar on the left calf", shouts the other...

Both of them were correct.. the magistrate scratched his head.. how to decide who is his real mother? His advisor came to him and gave him this idea.

"Each woman will hold one arm of the child and pull, whoever pulls him over to her side will be the real mother." the advisor says..

As both women starts to pull, the child starts to cry as they were hurting him. The crowd that was watching this trial could do nothing but watch the poor child cry in pain.
Suddenly, one of the women let go of her grip on the child's hand, fell to the ground and wept. The other woman jumped for joy upon seeing this.

" This woman is the real mother of the child" the advisor says as he points to the woman who is weeping bitterly on the ground.

"WHY? I pulled the boy over!" exclaimed the other woman

" A real mother will not want to hurt their own child, you were only focused on winning and oblivious to the cries of the child, thus you are not the real mother." explained the advisor

Upon hearing this, the crowd applaused at the wisdom of the advisor.

I was told about the tradition of having to marry your own race. Upon hearing that, I remembered this story. I didn't want to be the one causing you hurt. I would choose to let go.. i said..Not that I do not treasure the relationship, I just do not wish to hurt the one I love.

I didn't speak to you for the past 3 days.. during these past 3 days, I thought about us... I heard a lot more about you, I'm not sure if I'm a good friend like all the other females are or am I somebody closer to heart... i thought of all the happy times we had.. be it whether when I was physically next to you or whether there with you in spirit.. those are memories which i will treasure for life because they have been incredible..

after speaking to my little bird for the past one week, i start to wonder if our trust is there in the first place... thankfully, whichever little thing she told me, you told me as well. at least you still turned out to be the person that i first knew... it is thru her that i realise how adorable you are... i've slowly forgotten all the negative side of you... the non responsiveness and all... i saw the change you made on me... the fact that just one response from you would just make me forget all my frustrations.. u would never know how happy i am receiving your response.. no matter how short...

she was telling me that i should be firm in getting an answer about my status... i thought about it for a while.. i thought about you as yourself... i felt that was a wrong approach... i felt u needed the time and space to think... not to be squeezed in a small corner..

whatever the outcome is, i'm just happy that we have shared memories... no matter how few...

Weekend...

2008-06-14T13:59:00.001+08:00

I slept late last night... really late.. was chatting online with a friend from india till almost 2am... then i updated my blog and decided that i didn't want to sleep yet *STILL!!* and I was waiting for somebody to call... but knowing full well he wouldn't call back, I called Gary instead... chatted for almost 2 hours before i called it quits...

Did I say I met Raymond for dinner and got home at about 1030? Then I got this sms from the flower guy... "Are u sure you do not wish to give us another shot? Flowers are still there for u" *sigh* I spoke to the friend from india and asked for advice... of cos, now my career comes first, i can't say i'm comfortable with the way my relationship is turning out now, but at least i can say i'm learning how to be a good gf... somebody has to give in more than another i guess... so although i feel i am putting in more now, i'm alright with it... as long as he knows, i'm fine... of cos there is also a limit... i wouldn't want to be doing everything for him.. a man has got to do what a man needs to in my belief... ironically, i read an article this morning saying that if ladies were to do everything for the guy, they would feel as if they are useless and it harms the relationship... anyway, i haven't replied him... not that i dun have a decision but i just want it to be a quiet decision which he can accept on his own...

I called gary and didn't say a single word on the phone with him... i just knew he was there and that was enough for me... it was support for me i guess... he went on talking rubbish over the phone, telling me about how Mabel nagged at him the other day for spending a lot of time at work, how his project is delayed bcos of a tiny glitch that happened... i know what he wanted to do... to fill the space or void that i have now... when i finally spoke, i broke down... i was upset at the death of a cat feeder lady sometime this week, worried about the cats, freaked out at the encounter with the spirit of the cat feeder lady one day after she was cremated, stressed at work but kept a bravefront, hated the fact that i couldn't say no to the flower guy to the extent that it hurts him bad enought to back off and i just needed somebody to give me an outlet to break down... he listened to me for the next 45 mins.... just for me to rant everything out... yes, this is how we communicate sometimes... we take turns to talk...

i woke up this morning to find this fella in this sleeping position...

He was happily sleeping on my leg, using it as a pillow.. although i think it is rather hard... but as long as he's happy...

start of the weekend babe... time to spend more time with yourself... who cares if he doesn't call or sms... it's not as if i will die without him around...

Work & me...

2008-06-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

I've had a long week at work... most ppl too... preparations for the event is going on track... everything needs to be set for the big stage... 6 weeks more to go for the event... my first event on my own... i tell myself i need to learn everything that i need quickly and apply it on this project... i'm glad that i have my colleague and director who believe in me... they let me persist in my own thinking and explore various options, guide me when i need some light at the end of the tunnel... i'm sure i'm in good hands... and unless something major crops up, i'm sure this event will be a great success...

i've been told not to work so hard since I'm not a full time staff... just do what my little bit of salary warrants and get home to rest and get a life... oh well, different schools of thought i guess... i'm a workaholic...i know that for a fact.. although i can be a professional bummer when i want to, however, when i start to work and focus on the job, i'm like a crazy bee on a rampage... i hunt the ppl that i need down and work till my last drop of energy... i basically like to put in my best effort for everything...

something strange happened this week as well... i was fighting against time for some schedule to be produced and was cracking my brain on how to solve the problem i had on hand... all of a sudden i stopped in my tracks, took a deep breath and told myself, maybe this is a good time to have a ciggie.... suddenly i understood why smokers need to smoke, suddenly i understood why the last ciggie was hard to quit for some of them, despite trying probably zillion years... it's a weird feeling to get for a non smoker i guess...

I took a longer lunch break on friday... i went down to meet wendy at church st... it's the big day for our beloved jun ki... his photos will be displayed at the Korean Tourism Office... and he is the first actor to have their pictures displayed.. and it's not just 4R pics, it's a huge poster stuck to the wall, mind u... here's some of the pictures i took...

wendy and I took some pictures and it felt so good to meet her again since the last gathering we had... we had our lunch at the TCC cafe next door and i gave myself a little treat...

a cup of Blue Mountain coffee... it's something that I have always loved but felt it was expensive... so i only have it when i need a little pick me up... I sent this pic across to somebody whom I felt needed a good coffee break as well... not sure if that person understood my intentions or not though....

it's definitely a good break... i gone back to work and went flying around the whole office looking for my marcom ppl for their advice on some issues i'm facing... time passes faster when u need them the most i guess...

Women & labels

2008-06-13T00:42:00.002+08:00

I was out with my girlfriends these days... great singapore sale is here again... so the girls have decided to go out and swipe some cards and do some happy retail therapy... I can't afford to do it now although I used to when I was still working for corporate... but my retail therapy consists mainly of small items like earrings, bags that hold all sorts of things and sometimes shoes that dun give me blisters or strain my calves when I walk in them for a long long time...

As I spend my time with my girlfriends, watching them swipe their cards in various places- Gucci, LV, Hugo Boss, Long Champ etc etc.. I begin to wonder why would anyone pay so much for a label.. my little question became a discussion topic as we sat down for a coffee to rest our poor feet...

Some say it's due to the nature of their jobs.. I remember a girlfriend telling me that if you work in financial sector with an office in Shenton Way, you need to deck yourself in labels.. it reflects your status... some girlfriend tells me some ppl just like buying branded because it makes them feel good... holding a latest LV bag, make it a special edition bag would make them feel stylish... some just love swiping their card in some branded boutique...

I became their focus after a while because they realised I dun have any labels on me, no shopping bags that belongs to me, nothing... my most branded stuff that I have on myself is my Ipod Nano... of cos, I have told myself that once I have made it in the events industry, earned my first S$7000 per month salary, I would get myself a Kate Spade bag... I love it not for the label but because it is classic.. it feels like me...

The girls suddenly realised that I dun feel like a normal girl... somebody who dun have make up on whenever she goes out during the weekends, no ladylike bags, no high heels when going out shopping... they were wondering if I would ever find somebody in life if I carry on not knowing how to dress myself up... I shrug my shoulders.. i dunno... i'm just not into labels cos i dun appreciate paying a few hundreds for a tiny wallet... i could put those money to better use...

To me, jeans and tees are my regular clothes, haversacks are the best bags around cos I can carry everything with me, normal sneakers are good cos I can walk as long as I want in them without feeling the stretch in my calves... maybe some women like to be decked in labels, one outfit could probably cost S$10,000 and they would be strutting on Orchard Road... I prefer to have that money in my bank....

我相信。。。

2008-06-08T01:31:00.003+08:00

今天晚上和XX聊起了你

他说对我们没有信心

从一开始就不看好我们

说他对你的国家，你的宗族不喜欢

但他不是第一个对我说这些话

更难听的话我也听过

我会慢慢的把它从我的心里抹去

不被祝福的恋情是很心疼的

但我告术自己我要加油

要更珍惜我们的爱情

因为我们好不容易才在一起

因为我们深爱着彼此

我相信我们会有开花结果的一天。。。

International Museum Day

2008-06-06T20:30:00.002+08:00

May 31 marks International Museum Day... and some museums in Singapore have free admissions on this day... so Carol and I decided to pop by the Singapore Philatelic Museum for a visit... we met at YMCA for lunch and then took a bus to the Musuem...

The moment we stepped in, we saw this:

Tikam Tikam, a game very popular during the times before I was born... you pay a certain amount of money to pull one strip of paper off the board and the number written inside will mean you have won a certain prize... it's like a sure win game lor!

At the museum, they're showcasing Vietnam and they have this Vietnam food tasting session... well, I think Carol chose this museum because of this... hahah

Vietnam salad

Vietnam rice paper roll

Postcards from Vietnam.. pretty and colourful!

Me & the mailing post from Hong Kong.. I like them for some weird reason...

Carol with the traditional hat from Vietnam...

Besides the Vietnam showcase, they also have the Rats exhibition that's ongoing because it's the year of the Rat...

We found this adorable little fella talking to us as we were climbing the stairs...

He's walking a bit too fast for us to catch up!!

But we still managed to catch up... phew!

The start of the exhibition

Oops, meow meow and boy boy can't come in!

The set up

We saw some mice watching our every move...

We wandered out of the exhibition and move into the rustic feel of this...

And we found the old style uncle barber...

Oh, we managed to find some new shoes there too...

Before

After

We did more wandering... and found another mailing box!!

Then we found this adorable scooter that our uncle postmen used to ride..

Then we absolutely loved this stamp machine!!

The mischievious look

We can be demure too...

And I found this shelf of international mailing boxes for sale!!

So we shopped around the museum for a while and it was pouring... so we called a cab and got on our way home... We shall go the coming year again ya?

Bad meowmy!

2008-06-02T23:45:00.003+08:00

This is Reporter Meow Meow doing live reporting at home...

Meowmy has been going out of the house very frequently these days.. she met my ex daddy on Mon and made some other guy very angry... serve her right!! We dun even remember how our ex daddy look like already... still want to go meet him... sometimes my meowmy is nuts...

Thursday she went out with Uncle Ben... say go find some event place wor... then i tell meowmy, " you sick wor.. u still want to go out ah?" she say just go out for a while... ok lor.. her a while very long one... then she come back she told me and boy boy that she found very nice places for event.. then had some really good beer as well as food... but her throat is getting bad... serve her right again!! meowmy took fever medication that night but still never sleep early wor!

Friday leh, meowmy went out for the whole day again.. dunno go out do what... then she come back she say she enjoyed a very good cup of coffee... me and boy boy ignore her lor.. cos she never share with us the coffee lor... only tell us how good it is then make boy boy drool all over the floor.... that night, she also took the medication lor.. but still never sleep early!

Saturday meowmy and auntie carol went to see dunno what museum... then come back with so many pictures.. she showed me and boy boy... we not interested lah... no food one... then even got food also not tempting enough... but ah, we saw this picture which we dun like at all lor..meowmy say she will put it up in the next post...

then she say she caught in the rain with auntie carol... that day got thunderstorm at home mah.. me and boy boy happily tucked in bed but meowmy outside... serve her right again!!! wahahahaha!!!

meowmy only good girl on sunday lor... she stayed at home... but she never spend time with me and boy boy ah.. she say she messaging uncle nitin... then uncle nitin respond so slow until she took a 2 hr nap still no response lor... eh, i tell u ah, uncle nitin handsome leh! that day i saw his picture... meowmy dun want then i want....

meowmy didn't sleep well on sun night.. keep waking up for dunno what... up and down... then in the end leh, today the face green green... woke up in the morning vomit... then she went to the doctor... she go very long leh! i wait at the door until i so tired... meowmy came back only in the afternoon... never even say hello to me and boy boy then went to sleep liao.. i think meowmy sick until blur blur already... she actually quite poor thing la.. these days keep getting sick... then today she sleep a lot lor.. but that stupid boy boy took meowmy's blankie and then cannot sleep lor... he always like that one... snatch ppl's things... last time he also snatch my chair, now snatch meowmy's blankie.. one fine day sure knock his head hard hard ah...

meowmy just now say she miss uncle nitin... i told her i also miss uncle nitin... oh well, uncle nitin so far away.. i think when we talk about him, he sure sneeze like mad ah... oh, meowmy going to sleep already.. i also better go sleep already... this is reporter meow meow signing off!!

Rain & Coffee

2008-05-30T22:33:00.000+08:00

I was in Starbucks surfing the internet on Friday when it started to rain heavily... armed with my cuppa coffee, i sat outside at the balcony watching the rain fall... feeling the cold wind in my face... I have always loved rainy days with a cuppa coffee in my hand.. it gives me a warm feeling...

I remembered the first time I had such a feeling was when I was in my uni.. I was studying at starbucks.. and back in those days, starbucks were empty in the afternoon... I was the only one there then I remember stopping my mugging for a good 20 mins to enjoy the storm outside... it was just so simple back then... fast track till about 8 yrs ago, it was also a stormy day when I was at my ex bf's place... and we enjoyed the rain with a cuppa in our hands as well...

Sometime not long ago, I had the same feeling of warmth during stormy weather as well... it was during my india trip and we were heading to chockidani... it started to pour on the way there and he was not sure of the way so we were rolling down the windows to ask for directions... getting there was a fun journey... rain stopped when we were there but it started to pour when we were almost done... we took shelter in the pavillon nearby... at that moment, i felt the warmth beside me... now that i think back, i could still find myself smiling at the nice feeling i got...

I sat outside for a good long time... looking at the rain, i felt relaxed... it's as if it is washing away all my troubles and worries... i was worried about being cash strapped, my career, my family.. and prob when i slow down even more, i was worried about my relationship...

maybe i am getting very relaxed about this relationship... or i'm just getting laid back like he is... i think after the last outburst/negative email, i've gotten used to the fact that he is not the type to sms or call like most men i know would... i can go off a day or two without hearing from him at all... friends tell me it's not healthy, some tell me we've slowed down our relationship.. some even ask if we are in a relationship at all if this is the case... i dunno.. i only know with every relationship, it comes with challenges... just like human.. we all have our good and bad.. i can't just love him for his good points and discount him for the bad ones that he has.... he is prob just putting his work, family and friends above me in terms of priorities.. should i even demand that i be the first in line? no lor.. i dun think so... when i first knew him, he is already like that... ok, prob i like him much more when he just started with the company... but for him, he didn't know i was so needy... he didn't know i had baggage with me.. he also dunno i have my own set of insecurities...

you know.. since we're on the topic of insecurities... let me share with you my insecurities...
1. he dun need me anymore
2. he has one night stands (eeps!)
3. he gets into accidents there
4. he just wants a fling...
5. he ......

the list can go on for 10,000 items... because this is my own fears, no amount of assurance can help me now... it takes time for him to prove himself that he is not doing anything unfaithful to me... it takes time for me to get over it myself too... i mean, what can he do? even if he calls me everyday, the moment he puts down the phone, he can just go out and have one night stands w/o me even knowing... but having said that, i believe in him... silly, some of my friends say, why believe in somebody who keeps you waiting late into the night all the time?
i believe in him because we are connected... because we're not 2 individuals looking for love in this relationship, but we're one walking this path together...

that's why i say i will only think of such stuff during rainy days with a cuppa coffee... one rainy day will remind me of him and subsequently other things come in... oh well, there are so many other things you will know of me when more rainy days come along...

The day I met you..

2008-05-27T18:17:00.003+08:00

I said I didn't want to meet you again... but yes, as Fate would have, I bumped into you.. or rather, you bumped into me. Prob only in my dreams that I wanna see you... prob I didn't want to open my wounds again... You asked for my new number... I didn't agree and you got it stealthily from your buddy... Called me and asked me for dinner... can I say no? Obviously yes but I chose to agree because I felt it was a good closure for you and me.... It's not something that I can close with a snap of finger... it's six long years of my life...

I'm sorry the dinner turned out that way... I never knew you didn't move on at all... I have always thought you did.. even faster than I did... now i realised I was the one who moved on earlier than you... I was the fortunate one...

I hated the way you treated me as if I was always there for you, I hated to be taken for granted, I hated the way your hands land on me, I hated the way you shrug your responsibilities, I hated you for choosing to abandon our long relationship for somebody you barely knew, I simply hated you for every single bit of hurt that you have caused me...

However, I am thankful for you hurting me that way... because it is only through all the hurt that I can appreciate the love that my family has showered me and the strength that my friends have given me during my most difficult period.. I truly hope you can find the girl of your dreams and move on with your life. I have moved on too far away from you to even consider reconciliation...

My exciting weekend..

2008-05-25T23:25:00.003+08:00

After a peaceful friday, I started my weekend with my aunties... *how exciting!!!* My mom and my aunties and uncles meet prob once a month to go for their regular "shopping" cum eating trip at chinatown... and me.. i'm the carrier... plastic bags carrier, food carrier and all other things that they require me to do... it's not too bad cos that's the only time i spend with them since we dun meet much... and i do get to know where are the good food in chinatown... hehe... also, i think my mom uses me to show off to them that she at least has one kid who will still go shopping with her... my cousins all basically couldn't be bothered or simply tell my aunts to pack the food back for them.. *spoilt brats!!*

So after a round of shopping for chinese herbs and stuff, I found myself at the newly opened chinatown market, queuing for the ever famous duck porridge... took me half an hour lor!!!! So we had the ikan billis yong tau foo, the duck porridge and the you tiao... quite a filling lunch...

After that, I met up with the lee junki- singapore fanclub ladies.. all four of them... we had such a happy time chatting about the funny incidents that one of them encountered when she was in korea visiting junki when he was filming... also we chatted about how fanatic some of the fans were... and also about how some of the users on the forum were fighting over some trivial issues... sometimes i think it's hard to have just a simple world where everyone is just happy with each other and just there for one motive... anyway, despite all that, we were so happy that we managed to find time to meet up and just get to know each other... imagine, we chatted non stop for 5 hours!!!

Later at home, the small one came over cos my brother was picking up my sister in law who had gone to meet her friends for a dinner session... it's nice seeing the small one grow each day... now he knows how to recognise faces and how to extend his arms when he wants a hug from me... brought him downstairs to get some ice cream... *of course not for him! It's for me!* he was so fascinated about the lights and the shop lady who was calling him... hehehe...

Sunday was a peaceful day... was meeting Malcolm in the early afternoon to visit the "cats of the world II" exhibition... really small exhibition but we had a nice time viewing the pics and admiring the cats that were featured... here's some of the pics...

If only I could reach a little more...

Cat from greece

Ugly duckling

Where are we going?

My favourite- want a cab?

Another favourite and it should mean something to somebody *check out that cat's look!!*
- Third Party

After that, Malcolm and I had a great time catching up with each other. We haven't seen each other in ages! And yes, I think we all miss the fun days when we were in CWS... those were the days....

After that, I headed to Chinatown again to pick up some stuff that mom wanted and bumped into somebody unpleasant... well, when it's over, it's over...

So that's my exciting weekend!

What's your wallpaper?

2008-05-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

I was wondering what did everybody have as their wallpaper... anyway, here's mine... as mine comes with webshots so the pictures get rotated every day...

Lee Junki- my latest korean idol

Cutsy wallpaper- consists of my favourite animals...gotten mainly from http://www.pixelgirlspresents.com/

so what's yours?

Peaceful Friday...

2008-05-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

Well, not exactly in the morning... I had to make a tough decision of whether I should reject a particular job offer...after talking to hui and vera, i decided, maybe it's best to give it up...may not be the best job I could get afterall...

Spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon babysitting little xaviar... oh gosh.. it's such a tough thing to do... the boy wants to be carried and entertained all the time and I was busy on my lappy... so tiring looking after him!! when he finally slept at 1pm, i decided it was time for me to go take a little nap too!! I woke up barely an hr later cos the boy woke up crying cos it was too hot... it's true.. even i found it hard to sleep for long cos the weather is way too hot...

I left the boy with my mom as I went out to do some *ahem* maintanence work recommended by carol... turns out i was late and missed their opening hours... so i went on a nice little bus ride.. got a bit lost in chinatown...managed to reach to ssa at 6pm to meet Vera...

After meeting her, we went down to my favourite korean food place for dinner... actually wanted to ask richard along cos they have been helping me a whole lot during this period of time... richard was working.. too bad...

we had a nice filling korean meal.. of cos, the cute korean guy was around too... that made the meal a much more pleasant one... hehe...

here's the food we have.. we only ordered one set, one soup and one side dish... and vera nearly died trying to finish the food.. heheh... too bad mayling couldn't make it.. if not, we could have gotten one more dish to try... she always misses the cute guy... hahahahhahah....

after that, I went with Richard and Vera to feed the stray cats along Pico area... it's a nice feeling travelling in Richard's van and listening to Gold 90.5... such a relaxed feeling...

went down to cold storage, wanting to get some ice cream.. but found that nothing entices me other than the drumstick that I left in somebody's fridge and was stealthily being eaten by somebody as well... :(

anyway, looking forward to tomorrow where I meet my aunties for morning breakfast and then meeting wendy ajumma from lee junki fan club.. so excited!! shall blog about it when i come back tomorrow!

Love prevails, if you believe

2008-05-21T15:52:00.002+08:00

We started for a mere 1.5 months...

I know we love each other...

You know I am behind you in everything you do, every decision you make. I know you are there to hold me if I needed support...

Yet I have never written how much I love you..

I love you to bits, I learnt to love you for who you are, for what you do even if the world denies it.

It is you who matters the most to me at this point in time.

Some say, we should have started earlier so by now, you would have been here.. I say, the timing is just right because it is only now that we are truly comfy with each other...

I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you fight your battles, but you know that I am standing beside you all the time...

Although I may seem to be irritating at most times with my 1001 questions, you know I meant to satisfy my own curiosity, to know you better and to assure myself...

God knows how much of defensive things I have said to friends who tell me you are not worth the effort, you are not the one... I never noticed it myself until recently... probably only I know deep down how much you mean to me, prob only I know how much effort you put in, prob only I know how effortless this relationship can be and I am the only one who imagined it to be so tedious...

But no matter what happens, nothing means much more than a simple phrase of "I love you"

Dad is sick so am I

2008-05-21T10:55:00.002+08:00

Dad was sick last night... nose bleed all of a sudden, and non stop... and it is quite scary cos his shirt was also stained with huge patches of blood... u know how ppl have internal bleeding and suddenly have nose bleeds? that's how it is.

Sent dad to the nearby clinic and the doc applied some medication, hoping to stop the nose bleed... dad has high blood pressure and so this is part of its complications.. nose bleeds dun stop... seated outside the room, waiting for doc to see my dad again, i imagined the worst... imagined that they detect that he might have nose cancer or other illness that might take him away almost immediately... my brother was not there yet and i was alone with all that imagination running like a mad train in me... not exactly the best feeling in the world.

Mr sharma assured me that nothing will happen... doc sent dad home after the bleeding temporarily stopped... said to monitor him for the next 24 hrs... if it starts again, we need to send him to hospital immediately. I couldn't sleep the whole night... keep waking up to check on dad to see if he is alright... i wanted to speak to someone and the only person that came to mind did not respond... prob because he's had a bad day too...

i've had my migraine for the past 24 hrs already... it's hurting rather badly and i couldnt eat much food... and the lack of rest made it worse... i slept for 3 hrs when my mom was awake to look after the kid... at least i know somebody was there in case anything happens... brother has gone to work and it's just me left... all of a sudden, i felt alone...

A day as a cat!

Wish you were there...

To the peacock who lost its feathers

Soon & I

I wanna...

New Song that I like...

Taking a short break...

To Pam with Love...

Reliving breakups

Long busy week...

Of work, allergies and all sorts

Me and you...

Growing old...

Run your own race...

Love Rain - Kim TaeWoo

To run away...

Day when I AWOLed

A different kind of event management...

Dealing with disappointment...

Of laptops, friends and couples

Meowmy updates...

Of candy floss, balloons and flyers

Motivation...

You & me...

Love Song by Rain

5 things I like about...

Astrology forecast for May 2010

Hard up? I dun think so...

Me and myself in Seoul

The Mysterious You

.....

Healing feet...

A little broken bone...

When you slow down...

Boo Boo Meowmy...

Long long days...

Happy New Year!!

Taken for granted...

Work Rant & others

Quietness...

Of friends, bucket list & you...

random thoughts

Yawns... pls come quickly

Thank You Pam!

I see myself in you

Travelling with myself...

Training is good for you...

Can I really bury you away?

Meowmy fell sick AGAIN!

Vacation...

Understanding...

Mega Singing Session...

Breakfast at Starbucks

More Rainbows...

Thinker or Do-er?

Catching up with myself...

UNLV Graduation Day

Biased...

Lessons learnt...

hmmmm....

the passing of a loved one...

Breathless...

Long weekend...

*drum roll*

Sometimes I feel grateful...

Flight or fight?

.....

Expired friends..

Clubhouse life...

Bored bored bored...

Canele - where chocolate is a lust..

The story of boo boo little Kate

Appearance of rainbows

Overdue: KL trip *the good one*

Happy Belated Birthday to myself

Quietly...

Congrats to you...

Life is complete with teh-ping*

Short Getaway

My love will get you home

drum roll

Overdue: KL trip the good one