To Pam with Love...

hey Pam, I got your letter and it's definitely a surprise for me! I love receiving mail although I dun receive much! Here's my reply to your mail!

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Wow... it's been such a long time since I last updated! Let's see... I missed the Xmas , New Year and now it's the Lunar New Year in Singapore... Lots have happened since then... let me do a quick recap...

I had gone on a short getaway to KL after the staff retreat with my aunts and my mom... it was a bit bleah due to the differences in shopping style but I'm just glad that my mom had a great time and the whole purpose was to bring her for a holiday and I'm glad I did it.

I had a lousy Xmas cos I was running a fever and some other nonsense, missed a lot of luncheons in the office and even had no appetite for Cubix's sponsored Xmas lunch... but despite it, we had a great time on Xmas eve and even took some 'scandalous' pics... Not many xmas presents.. ray got me a humidifier which was a surprise for me... and the office peeps had left tons of candies on my desk during my absence... which i was more than glad to chuck half of them to other ppl.... am trying very hard to get junk food out of my drawers...

New Year's Eve was also spent with Cubix... we had a great time shopping and got a lot of *ahem* clothings...it was a great shopping trip... esp when you know you have slogged the year away... I didnt do any countdown this year... I spent a quiet countdown with my two kids... both of them are turning 9 this yr and they still never fail to amaze me everyday... * I will get to my New Yr's resolutions later*

I took time off for the week of Lunar New Yr and although I was supposed to go back to work today, I was down with slight food poisoning... despite this, CNY was great as I had spent catching up with my relatives, including family gossips... so & so married so & so and so & so divorced... blah blah blah.... Although I was supposed to be on MC today, I made a quick trip to Ikea and got some stuff for my room, went for a swim, brought Xaviar out on a short shopping trip for books and spent more time with my cats * erm, they were sleeping the whole time though*

Now for the different aspects of my life...

During my absence from the blog, most of my time were spent at work.. trying to avoid arrows that seemed to be coming my way, trying to pluck out arrows that were stuck at my back and also trying to shoot arrows at people... work environment is a complicated place and to survive you need to outsmart all these peeps, observe what is happening and decide who's camp you wanna be in... nobody really cares if you finish your work or have you taken the initiative to get something done. The focus is always what you have not done or done insufficiently. There are days I go home, almost ready to get myself out of this craziness but for the sake of other priorities and dreams in life, I got to stay put for the time being. How long, I dunno... Cubix has thrown in the towel, partially because hubby has found something better and she needs to be the Minister of Home Affairs and also due to the craziness in the office. Of cos, I got to take part of the blame for pulling her into this... but when she made up her mind, I'm glad and deep down, I'm counting down to the days she finally can leave this mad place.

On a personal level, my sideline is starting to kick off... as with every year, I want to jumpstart it... but the energy fizzes out the moment my $$ runs out... but this time it is different as we have potential clients and we are in discussion for exclusive provision of services which is a huge thing for a small setup like ours... the current job pays me well enough to set aside $$ for the company and this is one main reason why I am still in the midst of the craziness and even resorting to different means and ways against my own wishes to survive.

My love life is still a blank at the moment as I'm more focused on my career... over the last CNY, relatives have been asking when am I finding myself a good man and stop collecting ang bows... i would just smile and rub it off... besides, I enjoy the life now.. no shared house, no shared bills, no burden and all.. of cos, I really wouldnt mind if I have a non committed relationship... like what a friend tells me, one which is like a relationship of companionship. Good enough for me.

To recall what were the accomplishments in 2010, the list is a bit long.. but definitely a fulfilling one:

1. Organised OCBC Cycle Singapore 2010 - despite a broken leg and upsetting situations, I'm glad I did it at least once. NO MORE!

2. Did F1 Singapore 2010. Managed a bunch of kids, rude and unhappy public during the 3 day event and yes, I was proud of it.

3. Travelled twice to Korea - The biggest reward I had for the 2 trips was knowing Min Yong, Jason and got to feel the true warmth of Koreans and of cos, not forgetting watching World Cup 2010 with thousands of Koreans and cheering for the Korean team.

4. Found myself a permanent job - despite the craziness... it paid the bills and let me survive...

5. Contributed more towards my alma mater - took the time to sit in the organising committee for QSS alumni dinner and we managed to pull off the event for 270 pax. Although I was a little disappointed that none of my classmates turned up to support, I was happy that I contributed my little effort. This year, it will be the school's 50th anniversary and I sit in the organising committee again, organising for 1000 pax.

6. Had a stronger relationship with Cubix. of cos I felt bad about putting her into the shit hole but I'm glad she knew that it was out of good intention for her to put bread on the table. When she broke down over the phone, my heart broke and the sense of guilt got heavier. So when she finally made the decision to go, I was relieved that she didnt need to go through all that anymore. Despite all that we went through, the two of us can still raise our glasses and drink to the strong friendship forged over the years. For somebody who has been betrayed by so-called BFFs since young, this type of friendship is almost extinct in my world but Cubix made it happen again.

In fact, in 2011, I want to accomplish lots more... including those that I did not manage to accomplish in 2010. Here's the list:

1. learn Korean (enrolled in classes starting on 19 Feb)

2. learn how to drive ( erm, still pending cos I'm really looking for a chauffeur)

3. Start my own business ( with a great ka kia (underling) I foresee this happening )

4. save more money (yes, my bank was looking a bit happier until my shopping horns decided to appear)

5. travel more (planning more short trips to recharge myself, maybe taiwan, korea this yr)

6. exercise more (yes yes yes... it has always been there in my list)

Hopefully, this time round, by 2012, I can accomplish more than this list of items.

Now, here's Meow Meow & Boy Boy wishing you a happy new yr!

Meow : *opens one eye* meow~~~

Boy: MEOW!!!!!

Reliving breakups

I fell sick 2 days before Christmas.. high fever with an inflamed throat... I managed to crawl to the doctor, almost fainted at the door step of the clinic... managed to see the doctor and got sent home with some medication. Slept the whole day and that drove away the fever and I was wishfully thinking that I would be fit for work the next day....

Cubix and I went on to enjoy a delicious Christmas lunch at one of the hotels... though my throat was painful and I could hardly even swallow, I made myself eat a fair bit of amount of food... some how in my tiny brain, the only thought that came to mind was that I had to eat to get better... when I got home, fever came back and I slept through Christmas, despite the thought of sending christmas wishes to my beloved friends... I was too sick...

I met Bev and another colleague for dinner the next day... got drenched in a bit of rain.. and i got my hands on the TVB series "Mysteries of Love" by Raymond Lam.... I spent my whole weekend watching it.... what captivated me was how heartbroken the female lead was when raymond lam broke up with her and how she coped with life after that. And eventually, when Raymond Lam decided he wanted the relationship back, the female lead showed him the scars that she did to herself in order to forget him... that struck me hard...

it brought me back to my last breakup... where no amount of crying could help to bring the relationship back, where it hurts so badly that even breathing was painful... what was different was he never knew how hurt I was and how much I missed him during that painful period, how much I yearned for him...

As I laid on my bed, struggling to get well, the pain of being alone and sick came back to me again... I dragged my broken body to work this morning, only to find out that my network is not working and my migraine had been triggered as I pushed myself to work so that I could block out all other thoughts... Resigned, I went to the doctor again and this time with 2 days of medical leave. I came home and went to bed again... and thoughts came flooding again...

Although it has been 2 years ago, sometimes the hurt comes back to haunt me... and like what my friend tells me, " it's time to let go, find somebody else new", you wonder when will that somebody new come along... even if they stand in front of me, would I be courageous enough to accept it? I took a leap of faith when I started another relationship and found myself full of wounds in an abyss.. would I be that brave to take that leap of faith again?

Long busy week...

It has been a long and busy 2 weeks... with the skin allergy that I had, work has been delayed and I did all I could to clear all the work that has been sitting on top of me when I'm busy scratching...

I spent the last thursday and friday clearing everything... I sat down and quieten myself to work... By Friday night, I cleared almost 90% of my work... I left work at 830pm, happy that I managed to finish majority of my pending work. Despite missing some of the deadlines, I'm still glad I made it by Friday.

I realised that work has been alright for me although I have been upset over certain reporting structures and other nitty gritty... I also realised that in order to survive in any place, you got to tell yourself to stop hearing all the negative things in the office... so and so is leaving, so and so is unhappy, so and so is .... when I started this job, all I cared about was the money and the fact that it allowed me to go home on the dot so that it allows me to do all other things that I wanted to. I didnt know what has changed.. maybe it was the permanent position or the added responsibilities, I get easily swayed by all the negative things that people are saying into my ears...

I learnt my lessons well.. i left a lot of jobs in the previous companies due to such negativity... but i realised when you listen to such things, you tend to forget the main motive of taking up this job... i left events to do an admin job... but yet, giving my past experience in events, i'm tasked with almost all their events... be it good or bad, i'm glad because there is still a small relevance to my passion... my bosses see me as somebody who can do bigger things in the job and i see everything they task me to do as a form of training for the bigger things in life... if i cannot even handle such a tiny thing, how else can i handle a bigger job? So when my neighbours are complaining of overwhelming work, unreasonable bosses and all other sorts, i'm just glad that i have this job that pays the bills, lets me expand my potential and even let me do a little bit of events...

Of work, allergies and all sorts

It's been a long time since I blogged... the last post was in Aug (eeps!) I've been super busy with everything in life.. and of cos, there have been times I picked up my laptop trying to put in some lines for my blog.. but some how, the inspiration flies away the moment I hit the second line...

Here's my little update...

I finished my stint with F1 Singapore 2010 and had a fabulous time! The sound of the engines, the burning rubber smell and of course, the crew that were under me and the counterparts that I had worked with were simply unforgettable. Despite not able to get to do events in the pit building, being on the ground with the foundation people who made F1 possible is a great experience for me.

I started on my temp job when I came back from Seoul..cubix joined the company soon after that.. the company has since converted me to their full time staff, complete with benefits and yes, a great pay. A lot much more than what I imagined or even wanted. Maybe because my greed was insatiable... I wanted to justify to myself that the work or shit that i will be doing for them is worth every single cent that I see in the bank account. The environment is political with lots of undercurrent and gossips. The one whom didnt like politics in the past has learnt to make full use of my innocent looking face and make such politics work for me in order to get what I want.. sounds evil but I see this as how one needs to survive in such an environment. So far, I'm surviving and I want to survive till I get promoted to the deputy manager position and lead my own division. As for my passion in events, it hasnt fizzled out. In the course of my work, I'm still helping to plan major briefing sessions, retreats etc. This helps to keep me in touch with the industry and lets me keep my passion going...

In the meantime, I'm also helping my school to organise the alumni dinner... the first time I have seen my own photoshop work being printed into a huge poster and used as a publicity material... yes, it makes me feel proud.

I had a busy work week 2 weeks ago and went back to work last sat to clear my work and decided to help cubix buy a marimo (it's a japanese green algae ball) for her to relieve her stress... but the boo boo me accidentally slipped and fell and sprained my ankle (again!). Went to the chinese doctor to get some medication and there I go again, got allergic to the medication and my skin started to have ezcema again... now my left leg looks like a puffer fish due to water retention and the broken skin...sigh.... my kitties look at me and sigh, shake their head and walk away... as i hop to work almost everyday and struggle to do everything and refuse to let anyone take me as an invalid, it's getting better now... skin seems to be healing and all... hopefully by mid of next week, it can fully recover...

next week is going to be another busy week... lots of things to do and follow up, especially when I have not done much this week... let's hope for a better week..

Happy Diwali! I miss you.

Me and you...

I think it is just me...

I tried to help you to find something that helps...though not a lot but it eases the burden a bit... but why do I feel as if this is not something you were looking for and it's as if I forced it down your throat? Why do I heard grumblings more than sighs of relieve? Was I wrong?

Now that we started on it together, why do I find it hard to tell you that during the past 1 month I have felt enmity from some of them and I push you away from me because I didnt want you to have the same fate as me? Why is it hard for me to explain to you that you and I have a difference and the difference separates us in the eyes of others and it impacts how others see you as well? Some things which I have overheard in the washroom, corridors and all, how should I share it with you to explain why I am so indifferent at work?

I wish you would just understand and yet dun change our relationship... while I try to be nice and non political, I have learnt the hard way to play this game... if you choose to be nice, you only stand to lose this game and lose it badly... survival of the fittest, I have learnt it well... keep myself away from prying eyes and only in those who will pull you in times of danger... only then I can safeguard myself.... there are times, I hate myself for putting on a mask but this is the way I survive through the jungle where everyone is ready to bite and swallow you whole in my previous industry...

I wish somebody else was here to share this burden with me.... it is only such times that I think of him... I'm sure he will teach me how to handle such fragile relationships and yet grow from it... without him, i just got to learn how to protect myself by myself...

Growing old...

As much as I dun wish to admit it, I'm growing old... I spent almost 30 yrs on this planet, enjoying all that it has got to offer... and it's only the past 2 years which I truly enjoyed myself... what do I mean by that?

In my first 21 years, I was bothered by exams, tuition, childish things such as "I dun friend you anymore!"... then the next 6 years, I was bothered by weight, career, life partner issues... by 27, I was thrown into another dimension where I decided to pursue another career and re-start everything in my life again... the next 2 years, I spent energy on learning the tricks and traits of the industry, sometimes even wondering if I am suitable for this industry at all. Of cos, in the midst of it, I spent time wondering about marriage life, love, friendships and what am I gonna do for the rest of my life.

Ever since the starting of my own little setup, I was more settled.. a lot of people looked at my resume and said, " are u on a lookout for contract work constantly?" I used to be bothered by it but I guess I should be thankful that all these temp/contract jobs gave me the experience and contacts that I needed within a short period of time.... also because of the nature of the work, I have more time to pursue things that I really want to do such as learning photoshop, contributing back to my alma mater, spending time with my family etc... things that matter to me... as long as there is enough money to go around, i'm grateful. of cos, there are good friends who know I am cash strapped sometimes and stuff things down my throat, be it an incentive trip or cold hard cash, it is their way of caring... and while sometimes my pride gets the better of me, i'm grateful for such friends around me...

Now, I no longer want to be part of the 'in' group, i wanna just be myself, be comfortable in my own skin... without conforming to the society's views of how a 30 yr old should be. who says a 30 yr old should be married with kids now? I'm just looking for a companion.. as long as we are happy together, it's good enough for me. if we want kids, then get married when we are ready.. go with the flow of things and not with the number of years...

recently, a conversation with another friend made me realise that another friend of ours was one of the most hated person amongst the few of us... they didnt like the person and pretended to be on good terms... I found that to be quite sad... imagine a few yrs later, i will grow to be like that... oh man... imagine if that friend knew the truth... how devastating would that be for the person? I just want to treat everyone with a genuine heart... be it whether you have hurt me or loved me from the bottom of your heart... I just want to be true and real and I think so far, I have done well in this aspect...

Reaching 30 in a few mths will be another milestone for me... another new chapter of my life... more adventures to come and more great things to come... here's a toast to life, toast to me growing old!

Run your own race...

I've been meaning to write this long long time ago... but never managed to until now...

I overheard this sometime ago on a bus, " you know, xxx came from raffles girls' school(one of the top school in singapore) so of course she gets ahead better than us who went to neighbourhood schools la..." it was something which was in my mind for a while... i remember my idiotic friend also said something similar when i shared with him the success story of our old school boys... at some point, i felt he was demeaning himself as a neighbourhood school graduate... he lamented that he could have done better if he went to a better school... I remember this instance where I just got into the business of helping the alumni manage their school events, I was optimistic it would lead me somewhere.. he frowned upon hearing that and said i was wasting my time... he didnt really want to have anything to do with this neighbourhood school.. anyway, i digress....

so from the various success stories i have heard from school, from a person who wasnt sure if i can make it in the events industry to somebody who is knee deep in it, i believed that hardwork pays off. I asked Shaun one night about this (he comes from the top boys school) and he says, " well, it does help in one way or another" maybe you will have richer friends or friends who has more connections or the school preps you much more for working smart...but no matter what, how much you success in life, it depends on how much you work hard for it... most successful ppl will tell you that they spent hours at work and sacrificed a lot of other things. You hardly will hear ppl say they got lucky and they could get successful with only 2 hrs of work. BS.

So I concluded that hard work pays off but everyone's timing is different and some people just need to give much more hard work than others but they all work hard.

So sometime even closer to the present, I read in one of the magazines/papers that female tend to compare with their peers more than males. Which is quite true in my case. We always compare with some other lady my age and her title in the company with mine... and let's say if she's married with kids, I'll calculate when she got married and when she had her first kid mentally in my brain. Same goes for some other ladies who are older than me. Just to see if I match up or not. I remembered the bit about hard work but I wondered also when is my time to shine gonna come or is it ever coming at all?! FYI, most of my peers are either married with kids, or simply single with a long suffering boyfriend. I'm pretty much the only one who is still a swinging single.

Now, sometime this week, I heard this podcast by Robin Sharma who shares the idea of running your own race. Successful leaders focus on their own goals and ignores what their competitors are doing. They stay focused. So coupled with hard work, you also need to stay focused and block out what others are doing... because, only you can measure yourself on whether you are successful or not or are whatever that you are chasing after is really part of your successful matrix at all. So I guess it really boils down to what you are really after.. be it money, fame or just plain happiness. Only you can judge yourself and not the people surrounding you cos only YOU matter.

Love Rain - Kim TaeWoo

To run away...

from everything literally....

It's been 3 weeks since I started my non-events life... it prob explains my 3 weeks of explosive and evasive behaviour... first week was trying to get used to the environment, second was trying to get some work done, however, having most of it sent back due to minor problems... never put full stop, comma, forget one line etc.. you get the drift... third and current week, i spent my first day of the week trying to get used to sitting in the open office where everyone can see what you are doing... my only form of release for my excess energy which i gathered from events is to keep walking all over the place.. to go get print outs, toilet, get water, look for my boss... it was a torturous tasks... and there are times I truly wonder why did I make such a choice... I got irritated by the tons of paper that this whole company of 40 people use on a daily basis, the tons of weird print outs i need to print in order to protect my own ass... i really got fed up one day and I really wanted to call it quits cos I simply cannot stand the paper wastage, the backstabbing and the old ways of working... i really wanted to give it all up...

on top of that, i had to listen to the complaints that my friends had...bah.. who is gonna listen to me then? i dun care if you dun get enough from your bonus, u dun get a fucking job and you have problems with your bf/hubby/pet or anybody else... i dun really want to be the superwoman who listens to it all... i tried my best to listen and offered my best advice, take it or leave it... i'm also struggling too here... i'm trying to find time to do business development for my company, do F1, try and earn a bit more cash on top of everything... sometimes i just wish i had the same luck as i did when i finished my internship... to be placed on a plane to somewhere and truly be free for 6 days... i miss those carefree days... i dun have to think of anything else, just be myself.. drink and be merry... despite whatever happened after that was not pleasant, i still had fun during those few days... while korea was fun, that trip was different... but oh well, that's all in the past.. nobody is gonna do that anymore and we have all moved on...

in addition to all that, as if it's not enough, my poor broken leg seems to decide that it does not want to be nice these days... I might have to go back to the hospital to see if the bone is fully healed and wonder if I need to do anything more to it? because of the poor leg, i'm not even able to walk in my heels now... i got to hang up my heels and my ever so pretty heels... those who knew me for a long long time would know i love my heels... i hated the ballet flats... they make me feel shorter than I am.. bah!

Whatever happens, I gotta hold onto my dream... be it what others say, be it how others put it down...i know some of my friends have been trying to share job opportunities with me... thank u for your kind offers but no thank you and pls bear in mind, i need more support in finding business opportunities more than job offers... while you are happy earning your own keep each month, i'm happier trying to challenge myself to bigger things in life and see how far i fare...

at this moment, I wished for somebody to be seated next to me while I blog... although the seat is empty, it is good enough to know somebody is here with me, walking with me every step I take and being my anchor, making sure I stay grounded. Thank you.

Day when I AWOLed

For my overseas friends: AWOL - Absence without leave, a term we use for local guys who enter into army and go missing without telling their superior

So this is what I did this morning... I was supposed to have a site recce this morning... I took off... I guess I really needed time to do my own stuff instead of going for a site recce, imagining what would be an overhead bridge and some other stuff on the road when it is not even built... makes no sense to me... so i took off...

I had a lot of things which I need inspiration to do but yet have nothing at the moment.,. it's quite a frustrating thing when inspiration runs away from you the moment you need them the most... I need to do up the poster for my school alumni dinner, the email to my potential clients, promoting them my new company, do more for my website.... the list goes on... now with regular work on weekdays, either weekday nights or weekends are the only time i can get to work on other stuff... not to even mention to spend time catching up with my friends, doing stuff for f1, catching up with my korean wave and spending time with my family and two cats... i used to be able to manage all of them.. but these 1 mth, i'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed... i suddenly just stopped doing everything altogether... no more drive, no more urgency to get things done...

it took me a whole week to get my website done up when it could have just taken me 3 days... and still, i'm not happy with it even though my partner just felt it was ok to his standards... i blame the inspiration that run away from home...

initially, i wanted to carry on rolling on my bed when i made up my mind not to go for the recce... then i told myself that maybe i should get up and get out of the house and do some stuff... i took my laptop and landed at coffee bean...now waiting for shaun to appear and spend some time with me, motivating me and pushing me to work.. haha... slavedriver shaun i call him... but the soft and slittery me who can almost slip off any chair cos i'm so unmotivated, might just not even budge at all...

A different kind of event management...

Having attended so many school alumni meetings and done event management for a couple of years, events management, to me, takes effort and is time consuming.. maybe because I'm a virgo, I like perfection and try as much as I can to drive everything to a perfect ending... of course, there are also times which perfection also ends up in a disaster...

anyway, my school is organising the annual purple nite dinner and we skipped last year due to the flu bug and so this year, we're planning it again and with more people coming in to help out, things seem a bit easier. As most event professionals will tell you, you start with budget, timeline and all other nonsense and then you do milestones tracking.. blah blah blah.. and of course, not forgetting the numerous meetings that you need to attend to discuss the various problems and possible solutions that you have... and one to two weeks before the event, you spend sleepless nights in the office trying to cover all the loopholes that suddenly popped up and scramble for all other nonsense that can only be done a few days before the event... almost all the time, you would be so dead tired by the time the event is over and all you can think of is your bed...

Now, here's what the school alumni - purple nite organising committee will tell you. We set the theme to be purple and white, you go get sponsorship for food, prizes and other stuff that needs money.. go ask around and see if there are former students who wants to sponsor or simply make them sponsor!! Then you go print the banners, invitation cards etc. You go do the design for all the stuff. You go put it up on the publicity platforms. We go settle the video montage and programme. You go settle the manpower.. just go ask the students to help out.. carry tables and chairs la... and then we will go ask our ex classmates to come.. the end of story... simple and sweet right?

I sat there and watched as I looked at the enthusiatic former students put in place the whole event within an hr.. delegate who to do what and even settle the nitty gritty stuff... i'm amazed... although i used to be skeptical about how this whole event will turn out, knowing full well how disinterested my classmates were, i cant help but think this event will be a success in the end...

what I really learnt from this session is that, while we were taught that events management really just needs common sense, as well dig deeper and work longer in the industry, we tend to forget the basic way of working.. delegation and take ownership... no need for fanciful timelines and all, just plain old good cooperation will work its magic...

Dealing with disappointment...

A lot of times I felt I could handle disappointment well enough...I could see on the bright side of life.. laugh off whatever that has happened and move on with life...but this time is different I guess... it bugged me for a couple of days.. left me unable to work and cant help feeling frustrated... the thing is, in this incident, I learnt not to be so nice anymore... not to be a doormat for people to step on... here's what happened...

a long time school friend asked if I could do a company's logo for his friend... being a newbie at using photoshop, i told him that i'm pretty new at it and might not do a good job.. but he said he didnt mind, after all there is money to be earned.. so why not? so i said alright... and he gave me some vague guidelines with nothing concrete... and he needed in 1 days' time... and he needed 4 logos.... so i dropped everything which i should be doing for my own work to work on his little project as it takes time to create logos and even more so for a newbie like me... so after working through the night, i sent it off in the morning... meeting his deadline...

his comments came back a few days later saying that he liked 1 of the design and wanted me to do more variations for it... and when we met at night, he told me the 7 variations and he wanted it the next morning... i spent another sleepless night at it and sent it off again...

his comments came back a few days later again... and this time he was saying that it was quite ugly... i couldnt believe my eyes when i saw that msg... i sent off my design to a couple of my friends whose comments were like, " it looks good to me." I was not told why was it ugly and no further explanation was given... however, he did tell me that his friend would still pay me for the work done... so i said ok... if he is willing to pay despite not liking it, i was not gonna reject it... so he told me he could pass me the money within the week...

the week came and went... no sign of money... the next week, i asked again over messenger on mon and he suddenly said he wanted the high res file of the logo which he never wanted... something new for me... so for his demands, i had to do that for him and send it to him within the hr as per his request... and then he said he wanted more changes... and he said, " i am not happy with it, of cos I make changes right? It's such a simple thing!" I was upset and frustrated... because of his nonsense, i had to drop everything else to work on his stuff again... and it ruined my monday morning... we met that night... and his first question to me was, " why was the 2nd batch so ugly ah?" I thought it was plain rude and insensitive of him. Maybe being classmates for over 10 yrs, he didnt need to care about my feelings. I asked him what exactly was ugly, he gave me something vague and said something like, its ok, my friend got somebody else to do already.. but what was unsatisfying was that he could not even tell me what was the difference between what he visioned and what I did... so the meeting ended with him telling me that he would transfer the money to me on wed...and i told him why dun u just give your friend my account number so that he can transfer directly into it? he said ok and left...

wed came and 3 sms later, all he could tell me was he is still outside and he will transfer on thurs... i lost it... not only did i not get the money, the promise he made to me to transfer money on wed was broken... and he did not even have the cheek to inform me until i asked... thurs went as well... by then, i told myself, the $100 bucks was a small amount of money to learn my lesson... I was utterly disappointed with this friend who had broken the trust in me and still didnt think it was an issue... fri came... and i thought, well, let's try again.. maybe he was busy... and his excuse was his friend just transferred money to him... and he will transfer to me that night... and as I type, it is already sun.... i sent him an sms to ask about it... no reply...

i dunno what was went wrong... i felt, if your friend has yet to transfer you the cash, tell me upfront... dun make promises that you cannot fulfil... even if you promised and you cant fulfil, tell me what went wrong... i just felt it was not fair... the moment he set a deadline for the things he needs, i fulfil them.. and if i dun think I can make it on time, i try to ask for a longer more realistic deadline... but i still deliver earlier than my promised deadline... at least i expected the same from him... and not disappear like that...

honestly, this is not the first time he has done such a thing.. last time, i used to just accept it as part of his character... but now, I wonder if he just dun treasure this friend that's why he treats me like trash... maybe i am trash to him.. for somebody who does not even have proper career, who does not earn as much as he does... i could jolly well be trash to him... but to me, he was a dear friend whom i have know since i was 13... and such friendships dun come easy... but i guess now its the time to let it go cos i dun want to be treated like trash...but before i trash you, pay me back my money!!!!

Of laptops, friends and couples

My first laptop crashed not long ago... though revived, it needs a while before it can be powered up... though that experience, I knew how dependent I was on my laptop... not for facebook and all but should I need it for just email or checking of a particular telephone no, I cant... I seriously wondered how did I survived before I got such technology. So now, I wanted to live with my loyal, badly tortured laptop till I get enough money to buy another decent one which can survive my torturous ways. In case you need to know how I torture my appliances, you are always welcome to ask my good friend, Cubix who will tell you in detail about it. * huge grin* So Cubix, who really couldnt take all the suffering that my poor laptop has gone through, decided, one fine day she was gonna get me a new laptop... on a loan basis.

So, after tons of persuasion, she literally, forced a laptop down my throat. Coupled with her ever-nice hubby, we went down to Sim Lim Square to look for my next possible victim. Once the poor victim was found, she paid and nagged at me to go get a nice looking dress for the victim... however, due to the poor workmanship, the dress was poorly done.. but oh well, it has to do till I have money for the next dress...

So yes, as I am blogging this, my new victim is starting up and loading all my needed applications and probably hearing the sad story of its predecessor... but my first victim will still be tortured by me on a regular basis as it will be good for me to do simple things on... hehehe... it doesnt really quite end there ya.. but still I am grateful to Cubix for parting with her hard earned money to let me have this luxury item * yes, it is a necessity to you*

Talking about friends, I ever wondered how it is like to progress from a friend to a couple status... cubix and her hubby were classmates before they got together... sad to say, my love stories have never really happened that way. My ex- other halves were usually people whom I didnt have a chance to know much about before we started... maybe that's why I didnt have all that awkwardness... imagine holding a friend whom you have been so comfortable with.. how weird would that be? If things do not even turn out fine, you lose that friendship too... especially for me whom I treasure friendship a whole lot, that can be quite disturbing...

I've been recently watching this korean reality show called "we got married". In this show, this couple, Jo Kwon and Ga In are singers in their real life. They lead a 2nd life as a married couple on the show. As the show progresses, they find out much more about each other and through their individual interviews, you see a bit of care and concern for each other in them. I wonder if maybe this is what I am looking for.. the type of exploration period between a couple. You know much more about each other everyday.. compared to a friend whom you know well enough, it's different... I guess for me, it's hard to make a friend whom I am close to into my other half...

Meowmy updates...

Meowmy left for her nightly shopping sessions at our local supermarket... raining some more... she took the umbrella and she left happily at 1am....

Meowmy has been busy these days... while she is at home most of the time, she is always on the laptop, on the phone, dunno what is she so busy with... looks like something on photoshop... meowmy told me the other day that she is doing some company logos for somebody... and she is being paid for it... which is good then meowmy can buy good food for me! other than spending a lot of time at home, meowmy also says she has been meeting shaun kor kor quite often... meowmy says shaun kor kor helps her alot and pushes her alot...i have never really seen this shaun kor kor but meowmy mentioned it to beverly jie jie before saying that he is big and muscular... i wonder what are they up to...... but at least meowmy has got time for us now.. not like last time where we hardly even saw her until late into the night... but meowmy say coming july till end sept she is gonna be very busy cos she took up some freelance thingy with the car racing ppl... dunno what she does too cos she never tells me much.. she says i dun understand one...

in the meantime, boy boy and me have been living our peaceful life other than once in a while the monster xaviar ang comes to chase after me... the no backbone boy boy is so chummy with xaviar ang and he just lets him touch... eeeeee... i dun want to let xaviar ang touch me... his hands are always so dirty! later he dirty my pretty fur! talking about pretty fur, meowmy say i got pimples growing out underneath my chin... she say i never clean my mouth after i eat... but ah, after being pretty for 8 yrs, this little pimple marks are like signs of aging gracefully you know... i bet meowmy cannot appreciate it... oh well, as long as i have my pretty face and fur, i will have people who love me...

oh, boy boy went to pluck his teeth the other time.. ahahhahaha.. so funny... he kept screaming for meowmy to let him go and dun bring him to see the handsome doctor... in the end, come back, no teeth... meowmy say he got bad teeth, then plucked out 7 of them.. tell me to be nice to him cos he so poor thing... boy boy came back and then so upset so he hide in his little basket... poor thing... i couldnt resist smacking him on the head! he's such a poor thing... meowmy say must clean his teeth everyday, but i think meowmy also know that boy boy dun want.. so meowmy buy him dental biscuits to let him chew lor... hopefully he got no more teeth to pluck.. the other time he pluck, meowmy got so anxious and so frustrated ah... even i had to hide underneath the bed and avoid her...

anyway, everything is very normal in the family... good la... meowmy come back already.. me go and see if she bought anything for me! Here's meow meow signing off!

xoxo,

Meow Meow

Of candy floss, balloons and flyers

How did you spend your long weekend? A lot of things happened during the last long weekend....

The great singapore sale has started over the weekend... singaporeans and tourists have gone crazy with their shopping... crowds are starting to flood into shopping malls and grabbing the best buys... a friend shared with me this quote that she found online.

"Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase."

And I totally agree with it... cos I'm a woman and also a shopaholic woman... heheh... *i bet meow meow is a shopaholic too... she likes going outside waayyyy too much!*

So this long weekend, I spent time doing a temp job, trying to earn myself some money for my upcoming korea trip.. yes again! Flyer distribution they call it... you basically hang around for 6 hours each day under the hot hot non-aircon area to give flyers to the man on the street... this is inconjunction with a local bank who is promoting their newly launched product for the kids...

It's been like 2 yrs since i did this job... especially when you have moved into the office and started doing a lot more other types of jobs, you tend to forget the sweat and hard work that goes into such jobs.. the very basic part of any event... giving out flyers...

During the course of it, we gave out balloons, flyers.. had to do sales talk to drag people into the bank for them to speak to our bankers.. be it you entice them with the sure win lucky dip or tell them that there's balloons and candy floss for their kids, you literally cheat them to go into the bank...

This job gave me the opportunity to mingle with the crowds.. be it uncles, aunties, kids, maids.. anybody... of cos, there were the bankers too...some of them nice, some of them not really... some refused to even lay a finger to help us, thinking that they are high up there, some were very humble who thanked us a whole lot for bringing in customers for them under the sweltering hot sun...

I got to know one of the bank branch manager who stood by me when I gave out flyers and dripping sweat away... the only thing that was different was that he was eating his pink candy floss while I was giving out flyers... seeing him eat his candy floss reminds me of how sometimes we forget the simple things that makes us happy...the bank manager was obviously happy eating the candy floss but yet, he was conscious of how he was perceived by the public as a grown up man eating pink candy floss...

similarly, as we passed out balloons to the children who ran up to us, I overheard this conversation:

Girl A: " Eh, let's go get a balloon leh!"

Girl B: " Siao ah, so old already still take for what?"

Does it not sound familiar? The ladies were not old.. probably in their mid twenties... but this conversation made me wonder why as we grow older, we cannot seem to enjoy the simple things that we used to enjoy when we were much younger? What has changed? Our values or society notions on us or simply because we can afford to buy more expensive things that will keep us happy?

Personally, I still enjoy candy floss and balloons... cos they have a happy notion about them and they are inexpensive... good enough for me who is always looking for cheap thrills... hehe...

Motivation...

You know how sometimes people lose their focus when things change in their lives? I guess I am going through that stage now...

Initially, I thought things will go back to normal once I am back from Seoul.. start looking at the various options I have, determine the next step in my career and see if it helps in reaching my ultimate goal and of cos, self reflection on the mistakes I have made during the last event and hopefully never ever to make the same mistakes again... that's how people learn....

I do have options in front of me now.. in fact too many which I am thankful for! of course, there are also things which distract me as well.. things such as restarting my own company, learning korean, going back to korea again and some other relationships issues...

Just over dinner the other day with Bev, I was frustrated due to the fact that my laptop had died on me and instead of offering solutions or help, friends were... let's just say, not helping... it got me frustrated as I depended a lot on my laptop... while I used it to catch up on all my korean dramas, variety shows, my laptop also helped me to look for things such as jobs, keep me in touch with the bunch of people whom I need, research on other people's events, companies etc and tonnes of other things... honestly, i was plain irritated when i met Bev the other day... oh, not including the fact that the weather was freaking hot one min and rainy the other min... so I met Bev for dinner and she brought up the idea of going to Seoul again.. I knew she wanted to go very much and so did I... so within an hour or two, we decided on the date, the flight and checked our accomodation and yes, we were going...

The next thing I had to settle was the money I needed to use over in Korea... so a frantic search for temporary jobs which lasted 1-2 weeks or even some days was what I did the whole of saturday night...

But honestly, I do have a list of things I need to accomplish before I leave for Seoul again.. but the motivation do not even seem to be there anymore... like what my gf told me last night: " You need to be focused in order to achieve all that you want." I've been quite slack these few weeks... I wanna be focused again and be motivated again.... I want to feel accomplished... Small things matter but big things matter even more...

From today onwards, I shall be disciplined and carry on moving towards my goal!

You & me...

You know something? The destiny between you and me started 2 yrs ago, during that briefing session... I was among the many of the volunteers who attended the session and you probably do not even remember me... it was probably easier for me to spot you though... You appeared with no smile, armed with that notebook of yours and looking really stern... something just told me that this guy is something different from the rest...

Fast forward to almost 8 mths ago where my ex boss hired me into the company, the money was no good, no benefits but to be near you and to get to know you better made the deal sweeter almost instantly.... but your not smiley face greeted me when I first came onboard... bah... but coincidentally, it was your birthday when I first joined... and just one yr and a week ahead of mine... hahah.. 2 virgos... such coincidence...

As the days moved on, you showed me that you were somebody who thought using your brain and you opened up my eyes to a lot more things that I have never experienced before.. it was also through you that my thinking process got a bit more thorough... as a manager, you sat down with me to go through the whole nonsense thingy despite your busy schedule... when everyone was attacking me when I was not around, you saw things in perspective.. thank you for that...

Our driving trips home together made us a whole lot more closer... thanks to you, i saved a bit on cab fare and it does help that the car you drove was a cool looking rav4.... somehow, you felt comfortable enough to share your relationship woes with me... driving trips became coffee sessions and with you sharing more... hopefully you can let the past go and move onto other stuff in your life... you shared your dreams and aspirations with me... you gave me the courage to take the huge leap in life... whether it works out or not, that's something in the future... for now, i'm just thankful for you in my life. somebody to share my dreams with, somebody to push me along...

thank you shaun...

Love Song by Rain

I still like him without the fake eyelashes... they look scary... but wooo.. check out his body... but I like the old him where he was not so 'bulky' if you know what I mean..

5 things I like about...

Seoul

1. The people aka Seoulites

A city full of warm and expressive people.. I remember when ML and I first arrived at HyeHwa station with our luggage and looking lost, at least 3 or 4 people came to offer their help on directions.. the station manager also helped and when he could help no more, he made sure he passed us over to somebody who knew...

Of cos, not forgetting Min Yong and Jason who helped us so much from the planning stage to the days when we were in Seoul... and even little things like bringing us burn cream in the middle of the night...that was so unforgettable and 2 thumbs up for service! (check out their guesthouse at this website: http://www.backpackersinside.com/ )

2. Language

It's like living in a surreal Korean drama where everyone around you speak the same language... needless to say, this sparked my keen interest to continue my Korean language studies.. which I am trying to put in 2 hrs of my time each day to study..

3. History & Architecture

I loved the palaces and the wonderful historic buildings that are everywhere in Seoul... I'm sure there are more that I have not seen in other parts of Korea... their intricate carvings and paintings makes me go wow... and I really wished I had more time to enjoy the beautiful historic part of Korea

4. The discipline

You know how Singapore trains have dedicated seats for the elderly but most of the time it gets filled up with non elderly? Well, ML & I accidentally sat on the seats when we first got on the train.. everyone looked intently at us and this lady whom we affectionately call ajumma told us to place our butts somewhere else cos those are reserved seats... true enough, as we found out for ourselves during the next few days, even though the trains are packed, those seats are left untouched and only the elderly will be seated there...

Similarly for standing on the escalators... they stand on the right and everyone on the left will be moving... seoulites are just so disciplined... *impressed look*

5. Food!

I told Min yong that I would wanna move to Seoul and he asked if it was for Gimbap?! Well, partly yes... call me weird, but for a person who refuse to eat her veggies, I will gladly swallow my veggies that are found in bibimbap, gimbap or even in stews... and of cos, it helps that the food is spicy enough to give me the warm feeling in my tummy... *drool* though I do not fancy ginseng chicken much, I love the basic food like bibimbap, gimbap and even the ramen...Not to even mention about the street food... cheap and good! they bring back fond memories.. *slurp!*

India

1. Historic sites

India comes across as a country rich in history.. I had the privilege of visiting a few of the fortresses during my short trip there... it was truly a beautiful sight... some of them gets converted into hotels and you can feel the history in every piece of brick there.. and you wonder, how did ancient people do such wonderful buildings with their limited technologies then?

2. Animals

I'm so sure a particular Mr Sharma will be giggling now... I love to be surrounded by animals.. and indeed, I was surrounded by animals when I got there... camels, cows, elephants, wild hogs, peacocks are just everywhere near you.. they could be walking right next to you, crossing the road that you are driving on.... and of cos, not to forget the bunch of cute puppies that were found near Mr Sharma's place... if he hasnt moved yet...

3. Honking!

It's a way of life there... people drive most of the time to anywhere cos their land is so huge and even if there is nothing, absolutely nothing on the road, they honk.. purely out of habit... in singapore, that's quite rude I guess.. but it's normal there... and yes, when I came back home, the roads seem so quiet... their driving skills there are also superb! Mr Sharma will agree with me for that...

4. People

People are generally nice and warm... very willing to help and full of quick ways to settle issues... I like them for the fact that they think on their feet! Typically the kind of events people you will like to work with!

5. Food!

Because the huge population that are vegetarians, meals can be largely categorized as veg and non veg... Me being willing to try everything, including veg, tried everything that Mr Sharma ate.. he's a veg and truly it surprises me on how veg food can be tasty too! Of cos, there's tons of indian sweets that I really like...

Astrology forecast for May 2010

Something I always read no matter how busy I am.. I usually spend some time reading it.. and most of the time it is quite accurate.. but I do not take special effort to remember the dates though.. Here's the summary points of the long long forecast...

Summary

The new moon May 13 will bring you sterling opportunities to travel a very far distance, possibly overseas. A partner who only wants the best for you will be the most likely one to bring the opportunity. This trip would be so outstanding that you must not use your usual excuses why you feel you have to stay back at the office. There is work to be done, for sure, but this time, you really do need to take a break. There is no value in pushing yourself to exhaustion - as given evidence by the recent position of Mars - so don't feel guilty when you pack and go. The most delicious part of this trip will be how unexpectedly it comes up and how much you enjoy your time away. You seem to have no clue it's coming. Good! Go!

This merry month of May seems to be all about tending to your personal life, for near the full moon on May 27 you'll see a home-related matter reach a lovely conclusion. If you've been wearing out shoe leather looking for the ideal apartment, a rare piece of furniture, or a new roommate who doesn't gobble up your special stash of chocolates - look no further. A perfect solution is near - you'll love the outcome of this full moon.

Romantically, your partner is providing the momentum to your relationship. Not surprisingly, you've been content to sit back and see what happens. When Neptune turns retrograde May 31, if you want to continue the relationship, you'll need to take a stronger role and show more interest to keep things moving forward. Your more active role will continue until early November.

If you are not attached, however, you should find your social life to pick up speed in a very noticeable way, from now through the rest of 2010. When it comes to love, admittedly, you've had a number of false starts. That was because Saturn has been in weak state, but now will turn on the power at month's end. In all ways, life is getting better.

Dates to Note for Virgo:

* Travel is written all over your chart, and trips you take both at the start and middle of the month should go well. The new moon may send you off on a trip abroad, and if so, it's the right time to go.

* With Venus in Gemini May 1 until 20, travel done for career would go exceptionally well.

* Mercury, your ruler, will be in poor shape in the start of the month, but after Mercury goes direct May 11, you will see events go forward rapidly. You will be able to announce agreements and sign contracts from then on (wait until the new moon May 13.)

* Venus in Cancer from May 20-June 13 will allow for much more fun with friends, and allow you to catch up in many ways, from shopping to lunches and dinners, outdoor parties, and weekend trips.

* A partner, agent, broker, headhunter, or other middleman could be very helpful to you on May 17 and 20.

* Love could be tender and comforting May 18 if you are attached to a partner in a long-term relationship. Make plans for the distant future.

* Uranus, planet of unanticipated events, will move into one of your financial sectors on May 28 and will bring changing conditions to your finances. Fortunately, Jupiter, the lucky planet, will join Uranus, in early June, so in the coming months, your money picture will brighten.

* Your love life will become smoother and gain momentum once Saturn moves forward on May 30.

* A home-related matter will be completed within five days of May 27. You may move, paint, renovate, clean, or do repairs, or you may find a new roommate, as some examples.

* Any matter related to parents will also get a big push ahead May 25-31.

* Does motherhood beckon? From May 30 on, wishes may come true.

* Your most romantic dates will be May 2-3, 7-8, 12-14, 17, 20-21, 25-26, and 29-30.

Source: Susan Miller, www.astrologyzone.com