First step...

First steps are always tough... like my little nephew who is trying to walk his first step, have his first taste of solid food... prob as he grows older, he starts to forget how tough his "first"s have been...

I realise as humans grow older, we get more afraid to try things, get out of our comfort zone, prob as our commitments grow, our level of adaptability lowers... we worry if we lose our job, we worry if we do not bring in enough money to pay off our debts, we worry about failure and how people would view us if we fail..

I had refused to reply to a simple sms from a friend on how have i been these days a couple of days back... i realised too many things have happened... internship, river hongbao, screw up of job, end of internship, looking for job, india trip, bankruptcy... where to start? so i gave her my blog add.. she said she has but no time to log on... i told her it's been a while since we last updated, so i really dunno what to tell her... besides, i had a long long day... i dun even wish to type any sms...

this morning, i went swimming and was thinking about this matter... suddenly i questioned myself as to why did i have to start all over again... when even if i didn;t do a good job, i would still be paid? why did i choose a route which i did not even know if i will succeed in? suddenly, the fear of failure comes in... all sorts of 'what ifs' came into my mind...i kept those 'what ifs' in my mind until i got home and saw my little nephew trying to walk his first step in that stroller and tried to eat his first solid food... then i remembered how we all had our firsts... first time in school, first time we lost our tooth, first time we cheated in exams, first time we worked in the real society... without people who would take the first steps, there would not be improvement, there wouldn't be new products....

i am not that great to develop something.. but i like to prove to myself that i am able to move out of my comfort zone, start afresh as a newbie, work hard as if i have no alternatives to fall back on... and in the end, even if i fail, at least i tried... prob unreasonable-ness will help me get to the end of the tunnel...