"Me" time

These days, I've been spending a considerable time with myself... going swimming, going out on my own, not replying sms-es, not replying emails.. i think my mail box has busted liao... i dunno.. i think i dun wanna talk to anybody except my cat... wish to spend more time reading and thinking...

so because of my part time hiatus, cubie called me a couple of times, left voicemail and sms.. but couldn't get me.. so did gary... but sad to say, gary managed to wake me up with his consistent or should i say PERSISTENT!! calling... we managed to have a chat last night...

he asked me if i wanna go over to his place for a short trip and he can pay for my expenses and air ticket over there.. i said no.. i dun want somebody to keep nagging at me all the time over there... =p

he asked about my job searching... my little self struggle... and my non existent love life... i managed to find something i like this morning... although it is only temp and the salary is not fantastic, it is still with a reputable conference company, enough to survive but not enough to save... but the main thing is the experience it will provide me.... it is something i had always wanted to achieve... i believe this is what i have been struggling for... this is the beginning i need... so at least i feel a little bit better than past few days...

then i told him about my little investigative work... a couple of my friends seem to have gotten together... but yet they might not want to share with the rest of us... yet, the little hints they drop all over the place makes more suspicious... it's so funny sometimes i think... i always felt such things belong to the teenage yrs where you do not wish to let ppl know.. so you keep your relationship under wraps but being young, you carelessly drop hints all over the place.. *oops!* friends around me will happily tell me that they are together with XX and then the next week, with another person... as a friend, you feel happy cos your friend prob found happiness... if i were to get attached, i would share with the world.. cos i like to spread happiness... but of cos, there will be people who like to keep it private... it's ok.. as long as you dun drop such careless hints and makes it so obvious and when questioned, you keep denying it, taking me as a dumb idiot... then i might really feel offended... heee... gary said it's their own issue... i said yeah... oh well, it's not the first time it has happened so i dun really care...

gary asked me if there's any improvement to my love life.. *looks left and right* i dun think so leh... shirlyn say wanna introduce me some guy.. but i shall just wait and see if that happens... i told gary, even if i dun find somebody, i know he will still take care of me.. so dun need to worry if i grow old alone... i'll make sure he gets midnight calls from me to ask him to wake up and go to the loo... hehe... because of this, he tells me, nope, not gonna let you have the chance to, so pls go find somebody who can tahan that... *that's his true colours!* till now i believe in being with somebody whom you really love, not finding somebody to fill the void or loneliness within you... because such relationships dun last... at least not for me... but of cos, the person doesn't have to be a spouse or life partner... i believe some people are destined to be alone but in their lives, they have other people who they can share their love with... let me share this story with you.. many years ago, as a young christian, i was told that God has plans for you when it comes to love and life partners... to me, it was an assurance that somebody will come along eventually... until i met this lady at work who is a staunch christian... she tells me yes, God has plans.. but if He believes you can share your love with more people and feel happier, His plans would be that way.. that is her explanation on why she is still single... she has struggled to come to terms with singlehood and she managed to have found peace because she has a wonderful immediate family, a handful of nephews and nieces who loves her, she is also an active volunteer for the church and lots of ppl love her there and most of all, she knows He loves her... so much of love, lacking of one life partner doesn't seem to make much difference... =)

these few days, i spent a lot of time swimming... as long as the sun is shining brightly, i'm out in the pool.. alone... it's therapeutic for me... to relieve stress and to forget all my troubles temporarily...

btw, nitin says he wanna come over for xmas cos i'm stuck here and he's out because of shutdown period... i told him we shall see if he will appear in front of me in singapore... i wanna have a different xmas... initially had wanted to have a white xmas with cubie's family... sigh.. wat to do?