Is life really dirt cheap?

I'm sorry if I snapped at anybody.. be it in the office or at home...there are somethings which is flying in my brain which i cannot sort out.. i didn't understand why would she wanna die so easily when things are not going straight.. when she refused help and just hope that things will get better on their own... i didn't understand the way God makes his plans for us which causes us so much of heartache and pain... sometimes I understand while sometimes I dun... God made me stay with a guy whom didn't love me for so many years, loved him with all my heart and in the end, realised that he didn't love me and he's a beast... life was dirt cheap at that moment... many attempts to end my life have come to a null.. and I promised that I would try my best to help people in need of help.. listen to them and help them.. that's why i joined a particular group to be a befriender... training's tough and gruelling.... had to face a whole lot of fears but I have always remembered my promise to help and listen. In my prayers, I thank the Lord for every single new day that I see.. every sunrise I see to know that I am still alive and not dead... I'm grateful for the fact that I do not have the thoughts of suicide each day... as I walk out from the pain and everything, I find myself facing with a whole lot of difficulties, rebuilding my family, catching up with friends, getting my life on track again.. it's not easy... but as the days go by, I learnt the Plan which the Lord planned for me. It is through all these that we can live life to the fullest.. understand the simplicity of life and how precious life can be...

when she told me that she refused help.. she is in question and in doubt... she's not healed from the loss of her child and she is on the brink of death... i wished i had spent more time, bringing her to church and everything... talk more to her about plans and obedience... she seems to have moved out of reach altogether and it hurts really badly to see her walk through the same path I had gone...I wanna reach out but she is not reaching out.. My Lord, what can I do for her? My Lord, you taught me so much during this one whole year and it has been tough.. you touched me the other night and told me that I am strong enough to withstand any challenges. The Holy Spirit came and comforted me when I was broken and down and when I was locked in my own pain and suffering. Why is it that you are unable to do so for her now?? Why am I not able to reach out to her now? My Lord, if anything were to happen to her, I would never be able to forgive myself.. for I was not there when she needed me. My Lord, I'm crying out now for help, for revelation, for teachings, when would you reveal to me?

Last night, i wished for malcolm to call... somehow he was the only one I thought of when I needed support in my Christian faith... not sure why.. but he didn't call... went home, got hold of my bible and read my bible, prayed and sat in the room till really late.. things have not been going well for my friends, i prayed for them.. one by one... my longest prayer ever... praying that Shi yin would not be silly to take her life, Cynthia would be able to make it to Sept, Victor would be able to withstand till the end, Jesline would be able to find a job that she really likes and her boyfriend would be home soon... Yuanbin would be able to find a job soon.... Wenjie be able to find a course that is within his financial limits... peijun to be able find some direction in life...jarrod to be able to find his peace... verg's husband able to find a job... malcolm able to withstand the gruelling training in NS.. so many many friends whom I care and love...

to my closer friends, just leave me alone for a couple of days.. dun question me and dun expect me to tell u anything.. just leave me alone..