Dad is sick so am I

Dad was sick last night... nose bleed all of a sudden, and non stop... and it is quite scary cos his shirt was also stained with huge patches of blood... u know how ppl have internal bleeding and suddenly have nose bleeds? that's how it is.

Sent dad to the nearby clinic and the doc applied some medication, hoping to stop the nose bleed... dad has high blood pressure and so this is part of its complications.. nose bleeds dun stop... seated outside the room, waiting for doc to see my dad again, i imagined the worst... imagined that they detect that he might have nose cancer or other illness that might take him away almost immediately... my brother was not there yet and i was alone with all that imagination running like a mad train in me... not exactly the best feeling in the world.

Mr sharma assured me that nothing will happen... doc sent dad home after the bleeding temporarily stopped... said to monitor him for the next 24 hrs... if it starts again, we need to send him to hospital immediately. I couldn't sleep the whole night... keep waking up to check on dad to see if he is alright... i wanted to speak to someone and the only person that came to mind did not respond... prob because he's had a bad day too...

i've had my migraine for the past 24 hrs already... it's hurting rather badly and i couldnt eat much food... and the lack of rest made it worse... i slept for 3 hrs when my mom was awake to look after the kid... at least i know somebody was there in case anything happens... brother has gone to work and it's just me left... all of a sudden, i felt alone...

When money rolls...

Got the news from my sister in law that my second brother is in huge debts... so much that lawyer letters are coming... and he has gotten to a stage where he has filed for bankruptcy... at first when i heard it, it's a shock..although i know he is in debt, it always appears to me that things are getting better with the new job he is holding... i started to worry how my parents would take it once they know the news... they have always doted on my second brother, felt that he was their pride and joy... now such things happen.. i dunno how it will affect them... money wise, things are not gonna change much.. once i get a proper job after my internship, things should be better....

after seeing my brother at home, taking as if nothing has ever happened, i'm starting to think to myself, if he himself does not even worry, who am i to worry? afterall, i have already asked my mom to withdraw all my fixed deposit to pass to him, hopefully, it helps in one way or another...

but knowing my brother, he will choose to keep everything to himself and then let the whole world worry for him... if not when you ask him if he is doing alright, he will tell you his favourite phrase, " why you bother?" i wonder why he and my dad are all like that... they refused to ask for help when they need to and then think they are almighty and can handle all sorts of issues by themselves...

sometimes, looking at myself, i think i am like that as well... i refuse to ask for help although i know i will get help with a snap of a finger... which is why sometimes i wish for somebody to just do nothing but listen to me... no need to offer help... no need to pity me but just listen without any judgement.... everyone would have their fair share of judgement and how i should go about doing things... but they fail to realise, all i need is just a listening ear...

with my brother, i dunno what to do... he chose to go for bankruptcy at the time where i am learning to pick myself up... all i can do is to spend more time at home.. pamper my parents much more cos i think they will be more heartbroken than any of us siblings...