To run away...

from everything literally....

It's been 3 weeks since I started my non-events life... it prob explains my 3 weeks of explosive and evasive behaviour... first week was trying to get used to the environment, second was trying to get some work done, however, having most of it sent back due to minor problems... never put full stop, comma, forget one line etc.. you get the drift... third and current week, i spent my first day of the week trying to get used to sitting in the open office where everyone can see what you are doing... my only form of release for my excess energy which i gathered from events is to keep walking all over the place.. to go get print outs, toilet, get water, look for my boss... it was a torturous tasks... and there are times I truly wonder why did I make such a choice... I got irritated by the tons of paper that this whole company of 40 people use on a daily basis, the tons of weird print outs i need to print in order to protect my own ass... i really got fed up one day and I really wanted to call it quits cos I simply cannot stand the paper wastage, the backstabbing and the old ways of working... i really wanted to give it all up...

on top of that, i had to listen to the complaints that my friends had...bah.. who is gonna listen to me then? i dun care if you dun get enough from your bonus, u dun get a fucking job and you have problems with your bf/hubby/pet or anybody else... i dun really want to be the superwoman who listens to it all... i tried my best to listen and offered my best advice, take it or leave it... i'm also struggling too here... i'm trying to find time to do business development for my company, do F1, try and earn a bit more cash on top of everything... sometimes i just wish i had the same luck as i did when i finished my internship... to be placed on a plane to somewhere and truly be free for 6 days... i miss those carefree days... i dun have to think of anything else, just be myself.. drink and be merry... despite whatever happened after that was not pleasant, i still had fun during those few days... while korea was fun, that trip was different... but oh well, that's all in the past.. nobody is gonna do that anymore and we have all moved on...

in addition to all that, as if it's not enough, my poor broken leg seems to decide that it does not want to be nice these days... I might have to go back to the hospital to see if the bone is fully healed and wonder if I need to do anything more to it? because of the poor leg, i'm not even able to walk in my heels now... i got to hang up my heels and my ever so pretty heels... those who knew me for a long long time would know i love my heels... i hated the ballet flats... they make me feel shorter than I am.. bah!

Whatever happens, I gotta hold onto my dream... be it what others say, be it how others put it down...i know some of my friends have been trying to share job opportunities with me... thank u for your kind offers but no thank you and pls bear in mind, i need more support in finding business opportunities more than job offers... while you are happy earning your own keep each month, i'm happier trying to challenge myself to bigger things in life and see how far i fare...

at this moment, I wished for somebody to be seated next to me while I blog... although the seat is empty, it is good enough to know somebody is here with me, walking with me every step I take and being my anchor, making sure I stay grounded. Thank you.

Biased...

When u dislike somebody, everything about that person becomes a negative..... even the way the person smiles becomes wicked to you...

i realised it this morning.. i have been complaining about this person for a long long time.. but it didn't dawn on me that it is because of the distorted image that i have for this person.. maybe it is the feel this person gives me, maybe it is the argument that we had, maybe it is the constant nagging, maybe it is just wrong from the beginning..

no matter how hard i tried to accomodate, to learn, to listen, it's just plain waste of effort... utterly revolting...

so i say, do not try to change the way i do my stuff, i live my life the way i want... i talk to ppl the way i want it... dun give me the shit about how i should treat some ppl and how i should talk to them...leave all those philosophies to yourself... Excuse me, this is Kate Ang you are speaking to and not some clone of yourself... so leave me alone...

hmmmm....

this 2 weeks have been a tough time... although we had chinese new yr, we also had a funeral to attend to.. besides that, i also had some personal stuff to attend to...

work wise, things have been fine other than some gossip that have been floating around regarding the last event i organised... well, while gossips have always been around, it's such a shame that gossips even travel all the way to other departments, other clubs... to me, gossips are entertainment which should be contained within the department becos with other departments around, you should always been seen helping your own teammates and not stabbing them with a knife... such a disappointment...

i toyed with the idea of moving on... i couldn't take the gossips as well as the ridiculous procedures they have in the office... i spoke to my manager and some other colleagues about it... and the next min i know, somebody else from another department asked me when is my last day... wow.. the abused power of communication...

i went out with my ex colleagues from symc last night... went to get my skates before going for dinner... will be going to learn inline skating which is why i need to get my skates... dinner was ok but prob because i have really detached from the corporate world, i didn't really have anything to say... maybe we just grow apart...

after dinner, we managed to go river hongbao to visit some of my old colleagues... some of the china students were there working and of cos, sharon is still there. this yr is relatively smaller than the previous year, pretty much same concept but i guess it's more managable... all of us had either toe cramps or blisters walking in our covered heels... hehe... the trip home was also a rather quiet one... oh well...

anyway, ppl change and ppl move on... something that malcolm taught me... change is the only constant in this world.. how true...

Breathless...

My first event is finally over... but not without glitches... first my logistics person didn't not to show up, then the venue decided not to let my vehicles in and caused major delay and somebody decided to break his arm at my event. However, thankfully, the weather was so good that most of us got sunburnt... or is it just me?

Honestly, I thought I could have a short break before running back in the race... well, i guess not... we had some probs internally and honestly, it was a stupid mistake to have in the first place... while i brought it up before, it was turned to deaf ears and now it has become a big issue... but it is also through this prob that i saw how cold blooded some of these guys can be... i wondered to myself, who am i working for? a bunch of idiots who loves to play the blame game or ppl who loves to find fault with others?

I took a short break this morning...wanting to go visit uncle this morning... i haven't visited him since i worked hard at hot & breathless... he's been in hospital for a while and the last i heard, he is just buying time... he looks frail and can hardly talk... unlike the uncle that i knew almost ten yrs ago... the one who cooked fabulous food, loved a good laugh and shared my passion for good food... he knew his time is up... he can't see his grandchild grow up and nor hear him call him "ye ye"... and yet, while at the hospital, i kept having msgs from my bosses to go back to office for a stupid overdue department meeting... i wish i could lashed out at her.... i wish i could have just taken more time off to spend time with uncle... but i am so tied up at work that I am just not able to...

sometimes i wonder, which is more important? family or career? i fought hard for my career last time...only to see it crumble... i neglected my family at that point in time... only thinking of bringing in money for the family... until my uncle passed away then i realised how much they are important to me... now that i have the time for them, i have a irritating boss who doesn't see that as my priority... while i give all my best at work, it seems to her, it is not enough... so yes, working there sometimes can be breathless...

i wish for somebody to be by my side now... yes, i have to admit, i still miss you... no matter how much u have hurt me.... but time will heal wounds... but time will not erase my memories of you... btw, happy belated birthday...

Microsoft word has got spell check...

Just had a long exhausting day cos I was sick... like really sick with a pair of inflamed tonsils and a fever... * damn the tonsils!* I had been rushing for my school project till 4am for two days and then waking up early to get other work done... prob that's the reason why the tonsils found the right opportunity to attack...

While I thought my project was almost over, just a little more to go.. hiccups came along... the team lead didn't managed to see my piece of work tht i spent a whole load of time on.. and he handed in something which i am not sure of whatever it is.... upset about it cos if he didn't manage to see it, he should have contacted me and asked if i had sent it over or not. you know what is the most upsetting bit? he had called me during the day and asked me about the stuff and i told him about it... i felt it was ok to tell me that we're not using your copy but i guess at least tell me and not just scrape it off like that.. let me learn what is not right and so i can learn from my mistake....

subsequently, he decides that he dun have time to do his presentation slides, he wants to chuck it to other people aka me... and shoved me the word doc which he intended to submit to the school as a proposal for the REAL event that we will be holding... imagine, every single line contains at least one spelling error... hello.. there is a F7 button that you press for spell check... dun send in a sloppy piece of work simply because you dun have the time... it reflects badly on yourself and dun drag the rest of the team mates in....

i spent the past one hour trying to change the format and correct all the spelling and sentence structure that he has in the doc... the more i do, the more frustrated i got.... BAH! so much for trying to rest!!! Next time ah, dun work with ppl like that!