can i cry?

should i use the word burnt out to describe? after three days of hard work, it is finally over... but lots of other things are just on their way... several times during the three days, I felt so much like breaking down and giving up.. i surrender, i would wanna shout at these ppl.. several times i was on the verge to break down and cry.. especially when i start to question why am i doing all these on my own? carrying all kinds of silly things like shirts and all.. yes they make money but at the end of the day, what happens to all that money i dunno... i sent a kitten to one of the foster and she actually wanted me to pay for the kitten and stated a price... i was baffled... while i am there under the hot sun, working my butts off and all you could tell me that if i want her to keep the kitten, i'm gonna pay for the lodging... there are so many cats that we want to save but yet, due to the lack of space and all, we chose to give up the cat... is that how cheap a little life is? we choose between a fierce cat and a friendly cat and we would take the friendly cat... cos the chances of adoption is higher... but it's not the other's cat fault to be fierce... all that makes me wonder why do i need to work so hard to earn all these money... all the time i go for events and i see all the people who come and mess things up in the box and all, i get so pissed that i feel so much i wanna scream the shit out of them.. what the hell do u think you are doing? it took effort to pack all these and arrange them according to sizes and with just one push and you mess things up and leave things that way... excuse me... how are we gonna work that way? I dunno.. but i kept quiet and i moved away in order to keep my temper in check... i arrange for somebody to come take over my shift so that i can go for my kickboxing class, but the person was late.. and i've missed my class... did i not say that i was attending class and we only have one person there??? angry as i am... i could still smile at her and welcomed her... what the hell is the problem with me? why is it that i can't just tell them off and show them a black face? excuse me, i'm manning a huge group of things here... be it shirts, designs, printers and all... and i do events every other week... i can't be smiling for every event whenever i am angry...

everytime i wanna find somebody to talk to, we always end up talking about other stuff... does anybody actually understand that in order to sell a mere 400 xmas cards i have to talk so much to a lady, hoping that she will give us more orders?? all these to correct the kinds of mistakes that we have made in the past, to clear old stock and hopefully with all the stock cleared we have money to get new stock? why is it that i would agree to do almost every event in the hope of getting more funds and more awareness for the society? even if i am occupied that day, i would also call to check if things are ok? does anybody hear me scream??? does anybody see the fact that as a comm, you ppl are not helping each other??? you are not working as a team? you do not understand your counterparts or your combat mates who is in a constant battle with the govt policies and all in order to save every single cat that we could? i want to get my point known but a lot of times you guys are so preoccupied with a lot of things... a lot of merchandising plans that will succeed and will give us a boost were not heard cos u guys do not place enough emphasis on what me and serina wanna say? you guys would just say that you wanna sell off the stock but i gotta need ideas to sell it.. if i could i wanna give them away to the lesser fortunate... to those countries who do not even have proper clothes to wear, proper mugs to use rather than sell it at such low prices and keep pushing to sell it... it's just a matter of us helping others, just the way others have helped us...

but in the end, what's the point of saying so much... it's not gonna be heard...