Late nights....

Gary called me this late night... the call came after I finished watching my favourite Wong Hei drama serial.. * nice timing* It's been some time since the both of us talked long... but since the time he found a job, our calls have been frequent but short... cos he's paying for it... he constantly calling me to ask if his parents are doing fine... definitely they are fine... :o)

tonight, i really needed somebody to talk to... and yes, i think it will cost a bomb cos we talked for almost 2 hours... maybe we should change to using Shyke.. free calls... these days i've been thinking a lot... be it jobs, relationships, volunteer work and all... been thinking a lot about them...

with my money running low now, i really need to look for a job... anything that pays... i'm willing... gary wanted to loan me some cash but i know he needs it over there too cos he's tight as well... thanks but no thanks... my own difficulties, i gotta overcome them myself... truly, i hope i get a job soon... a few interviews are coming up and hopefully something comes along soon.

finally, i managed to tell gary about XXX.. not that he didn't know about him but in drips and draps... i told gary that i'm not even sure if he is interested... but there are times which i just wanna make the first move... but i'm just not sure... if he still thinks that i'm attached and that's why he's backing off, i really think he's dumb... i need a courageous man... somebody who dares to tell me how he feels, if he likes me, tell me.. give both of us a chance.. if things dun work out, at least we are still friends... if he doesn't like me, then say so... i can give up all the hopes and move on... i can't read minds... the other day when i went back to visit, i tried to act as if i didn't care but i know it all looks too fake in front of those few who knows me... i had the xmas present that he gave me in my bag... not sure of whether i should bring it out and hint to him that i like it very much... what more can i do? he knows the blog address, my Hp no... he knows who to ask to find me, he knows i'll refill his cup of warm MILO if he has run out..... what more can i say? gary asked me to wait... he says smart men needs some time to understand what women wants... dumb men needs even more time... gary says he sounds dumb... so two weeks might just not be enough.... maybe....

gary asked about my volunteer work... he knew something was wrong when i haven't been mentioning about it... i do feel helpless in that situation... not sure of what to do and where am i heading... it's not the kind of work that i wanna do... gary said maybe it's time to let go... move on... gary has always got this thing in him that touches my heart... the things he say are always so gentle but yet right to the point... our relationship is so unique that i can't even believe... most ppl who read my blog would think he's my bf... but he's my ex.... but i like this kind of relationship... simply platonic.... anyway, i did tell him about my involvement in SOKA.. he's happy for me... although it will take up every sat from now till july... which probably means i can't go out on sat nights, it's meaningful work... it's something different...

i wish gary was back here in singapore... then we could spend the nights talking under my block and going for breakfast... sometimes a woman gets too emotional late in the night.... but it's also in the nights that i bare my soul to him, telling him my darkest fears and secrets... truly, he's an angel in my life... :o)