angry, angry, angry...

Ultimatium has been given.... I have one month to prove myself.... one month to show that I can lead my country....one month to stop being friends with my partners and counterparts but yet appear to be superior to them cos I am from Asia Pacific...

I felt so much like telling my boss that I simply detest the way things work over here.... I dun like to be superior to be anybody but just want to be friends with everybody i work with.... i didn't have a proper handover, and thus half the time i'm not sure what is going on... is that an excuse to you? yes, i've tried asking but most of the times, they would just tell me.. they dun support my country thus they do not know what is going on.... is that my fault as well? Now you tell me that they are a friendly bunch and they are willing to help... excuse me... i'm seeing different things over here.... i dun have a mentor who is there all the time to slowly coach me things and tell me how things go one by one... i have a mentor who is not there half the time and just briefly goes through things without going into details and thinks that i can manage it on my own while he has moved on.... i'm not saying that he is not a good mentor... while he was coaching me, he's very patient and very nice... but the fact that he is not there most of the time doesn't change and this is one main reason why i dun catch on things... suddenly, he remembers something and he will say.. if he dun remember, i wouldnt even know what is going on.... that's how i realise a lot of things were missed out and i'm like an infant, learning how to crawl and here you are, asking me to fly....

of course u have your own expectations and i accept that... but excuse me, how much can you expect of me when two weeks into the job and you tell me everything is shifting to india?? how much of motivation do u think i should have?? i'm sorry to tell u.. it's none... none at all.... i'm working now cos out of responsibility... cos i dun wish to just pay off one month's salary and just walk out of the office like that... let my country be left with nobody to help them... i am working out of responsibility to my country and not to you or your team... i dun quite care if your team mates are down by one or the whole team goes... i dun quite care... i dun even give a shit if you get into trouble and all....

u want me to ride above those guys in the country..cos u want me to lead them by their noses... not let them cheat me... not let them sweet talk me... but why do i feel that they are sincere in their speech towards me, in their actions towards me? i treat them as friends, and i always will.. cos during times which i knew nothing and needed help, they were there to guide me and give me background information... during the late nights in the office, struggling to finish the work, they were there with me... they were there to help me chase partner's files, help me scream at partners when language was a barrier, help me work things out with partners when files were held up and u want me to be superior over them? if this is the way u want me to be, then i'm sorry.... u might need to find somebody else... find somebody to replace me to be a superior to them... cos to me, they are ppl whom i wish to remain on the same level with... not be a superior to...