the best thing to do is to let go....

It has been a while since i updated the blog.... been busy with work as well as personal issues....

i've been offered to take back my resignation and i did... somehow, although i should be happy cos it pays the bills and all, i'm just quiet about the whole matter.... didn't tell anybody... just kept quiet.... somehow, i just didn't want to speak anymore at times...

gary is coming back soon in mid july... a lot of things have happened since the last time i talked to him... i called him the other night.... to confirm when is he coming back and for how long and all... somehow, i think gary reads me like a book... he didn't know what was happening to me cos i didn't update the blog.. but he just told me, give myself a break and the best thing to do now is to let go... i asked if he knew what was happening to me... he said probably it's friends... how true....

i'm over and done with the guy of my dreams.... the one whom i am waiting for and the one who claimed to have a liking for me.... i've turned down the friend who claims to have a liking for me cos i didn't want to deceive myself and let myself try a relationship with somebody i have no feelings for... i have also given up the guy whom i am waiting for... hints have been dropped but yet he couldn't get it, so be it... i take it that he is not interested.... so we are just good friends now....

recently, my friend is suffering for a breakup... a terrible one in fact if u would to stand in her shoes... somehow, looking at her, it reminded me of the past relationship i had and my six month confidence building after breaking up.... but somehow, despite all my efforts to help her, be it going out, listening to her, telling her the truth, and all sorts, it didn't seem to help.... in fact, i was scolded for being too frank with her... and maybe to my friend, it seems as if i am not much of a help but maybe her other friends were... something which i am struggling with... the pains of my own breakup... the past... the operations... all came back to me.... of course, i can easily move away and just not let the past come back to haunt me.... but i chose to be a friend... be there when she cries... be there when she needs company... this is what gary means by letting go, i suppose... maybe to her, the whole world is obliged to be with her when she is down... but when i was down, not many friends were there and some had even told me that hey, look, i'm busy with my exams, so just get over and done with it... am i supposed to deal with that? i'm tired.... maybe letting go is indeed the best choice cos it helps to let her make her own decisions and let her grow up.... let her see her own faults... let it go.....