Looking back...

Was just thinking about this in my shower just now... time passes really really fast this few months.... it was just friday when all of us were so happy that weekend is finally here and now, we are towards the end of sunday, dreading the coming of another monday... looking further away... it's almost close to xmas.. and another yr is almost finishing... then i wondered to myself... what was i doing the same time last yr? the same time last yr, i was with another job... unhappy and overworked.... thinking of leaving and dreaming of xmas... finally left my job at the start of this yr and found this current one, only to know that the team is moving operations... oh well, shit happens to me all the time....

was messaging elaine on sat night, telling her that i am craving for ben and jerry's ice cream.. * drool* now trying to reach my target of losing 10kg of weight seems so far away... fries seem to be calling, ice cream is dying to be eaten and at night, maggi mee seems to be howling at me.. not sure where i got the courage and motivation to lose 10kg the other time... of course, there was KB last time as my previous job allowed me to leave on the dot without worrying about work... now, working late, my absence from KB and my constant craving for carbs seem to have stopped me from losing more weight and toning up... ppl who are skinny or who do not have really much extra weight to lose would not really understand how hard it is to stop eating certain things that you have always loved and then to keep telling yourself that this is for your own good... sometimes you just forget all about the carbs and indulge yourself telling yourself that you are just happy being the way you are... you dun really care how other ppl look at you or even how you even look in the mirror... to me, that's self denial... if you truly didn't care, you wouldn't be dieting in the first instance... of course, after eating the not needed carbs, i would be feeling guilty and would be asking myself why i am eating so much unneccessary carbs and all the time, i could not arrive at an answer... it's stress, it's cravings... it's... i dunno... i feel uncontrollable at times... sometimes, ppl around me just dun understand the agony i guess