The root of all problems...

I've been going through a bad patch recently i feel... everything i do seems to be wrong to everybody.. even myself...

it started with me lending money to my brother... then the end of pico internship where i made a wrong move of rejecting the offer which i didn't want and thus no more jobs from them... got myself so cash strapped that Nitin had to pay for everything to fly me to India for a short getaway... when i came back I thought, i had found a great job that expose me to event logistics... truely the stuff that i wanna do... i ended up moving boxes of stuff more than i could ever do event logistics...mom found out that I had lent money to my brother and got pissed off at me... everything was just wrong... i got frustrated and felt so unwanted at work and at home and i started to throw tantrums at Nitin and almost everybody else who was there... even if i didn't want to...

I couldnt sleep last night... I knew something was wrong with me... but yet i couldn't pinpoint it down... i went through my blog... i searched for answers... I found myself facing the same problem about 2 years back... everything was just not right... I couldn't think rationally then, i wasn't myself... i knew i had to let out some how... it was killing me, killing my relationship with ppl, especially nitin... it hurts badly when you know you didn't do it willingly.. esp when it is ppl whom you love a whole lot... i realise my self esteem comes from my work... if work was not going smoothly, i get cranky and will even lose myself...when i had the same prob 2 years ago, i lost some friends... and i'm determined not to lose any more this time round...


this morning i took time off work because i had worked on sat.. early morning, office called to say some things were packed wrongly in the shipment, even though i had checked nth number of times... colleague checked before i shipped out as well and yet they insisted things were wrong... and when it got there, somehow, things went missing... so am i supposed to be able to do anything here? what makes them think that only singapore sells heart shaped stickers and not in manila? i gave up at that point in time... finally i knew what was causing my crankiness.... my office is... i hated serving the client.. only that particular client... i sent in my resignation this morning... although it means i have to start all over again, although it means i will be cash strapped again... it also means that i wouldn't be hurting the ones i love anymore...