....

I think I have recovered... not fully... but good enough to go on my own... these days, i have thought of dropping him a line or two to explain to him why i reacted that way and moving forward... however, the more i thought of what i wanted to write, the less i felt i had to say... now it has come to a stage where i dunno what else to say to him... i have to admit, yes, i am still waiting.. for him to open up as a friend to me.. but i guess i am no longer looking for an answer... of cos i wished he would tell me what happened, but if he didn't want to, only time will tell what has happened then... and in his own philosophy, only time will justify his actions... and yes, i agree...

the other day, i saw his msn handle.. he's not well.. my heart missed a beat... but after a while, i realised he is responsible for himself.. not me, not his mom, not anybody else... but yet, as a friend, i told him to take good care of himself. even if we didn't end up together, i know we will end up as really good friends, if he wants to. some ppl are better off as friends than being a couple.. he is one of them.. looking back, my happiest times with him were when we are still friends... as a couple, i had too many things i realised i couldn't share bcos i was worried how it would affect him... maybe our timing is still not right...

i was on a half day sick leave this afternoon.. had a strange bout of flu that came over me in the morning... i didn't want to take any chances.. workload is significantly picking up... the new trainee can't really cope on his own, one colleague is going on marriage leave and the other is on a 2 weeks leave... i wanted this bout of flu to go away... i can't afford to be sick all the way till 2nd sept... as i slipped under my blankie and slept my flu away with boy boy, it felt like the first time i fell sick after i broke up 6 yrs ago... but this time round, i didn't hurt that much.. not even a single drop of tear... i thought about it and fell asleep... i'm on the road of recovery i guess...

i must start planning for my career i tell myself... i still have lots of things to do before i turn 35... i wanna learn how to drive, wanna work overseas, wanna have my own pad, wanna have my own business... i need to be stronger than before... at least one person believe that i'm strong... and yes, that is enough...