Out of the blue, Cubix commented that my communication with you became more frequent... and asked if you knew how I felt about you... i told her you did cos I told you not long ago... and she asked if there were changes from the time I told you till now... i said no... and she asked what is stopping me from moving forward... i forgot what my answer to her was... it ranged from something like i think you would know better to i'm not sure...
As we parted our ways at the end of the day and the day slows down and I'm only left alone in my little room... i did wonder about that question... i never once denied that i still feel the same...it was difficult for me to fall in love but when i do it's a tough road ahead of me... maybe you never knew, you were the only one who knew all my past and accepted it wholeheartedly... because of you, i came out of the past... since we parted, i kept myself busy.. working my poor body out at work, doing all i could to make myself as tired as i could so that i don't have such moments... a lot of my friends wondered why i have changed... i stopped going out for drinks ever so frequently, they can only find me at work and at home... there were occasions which i truly wanted to share them with you and i have to keep reminding myself that i gotta be on my own 2 feet now.. cant keep relying on you...
I respect the decision that you have made... I fought for it to work, I made myself clear abt how I felt.. if you didnt feel the same way, who am I to say no to it? it takes two hands to clap i guess... during these 2 yrs, i do get occasional updates from people who know you and they share with me your successes and movement... it's good enough for me to know that you are fine and good and probably happy with everything in your life... =)
I would be lying if I said I wasnt surprised when you called when you knew about my "sprained" legs.. whether it was cubix who asked you to call or was it your own initiative didnt matter, what mattered was that the 5 mins we had was something that touched my heart... especially when the pain was unbearable... i was very freaked out when I smsed you during my first night of hospitalisation.. i was lost and all i could think of was to let you know what is happening to me... and i'm glad for the few sms that followed and also the fb comments... they made the whole time a lot easier...
I believe in letting nature take its own course... of cos, i dont want to end up with regrets... so i still tried my best.. things and people change over time... maybe knowing that somebody loved you with her whole heart and for a period of time you occupied her whole heart is good enough...
2 comments:
Awww....This sounds kind of sad.....{{{hugs Kate}}}
A relationship is like a piece of clothing. If there's wrinkles, it take ironing. I do not believe in anti-wrinkle clothes. ~ quoted by Minko
I hope you can cheer up because I know what you went through a few days ago, you might not be able to stay cool. I do not know what goes through your mind or heart, but I think, it hurts a little bit.
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