after what happened in the morning... i tried to numb myself... forget about the fact that i only have one month left.... forget about the whole matter.. went out to talk to Jo... met the ladies for lunch... had a hearty meal.. went shopping but resisted buying chocolates to curb my emotional stress...
couldn't concentrate at work... tried to find ppl out for dinner... wanted to talk.. but nobody was available... although most of my partners have sent in their files, this week should be an easy week... i couldn't smile happily.... nitin was shocked when i told him that... and i read what he wrote as a comment on my blog...it was touching...encouraging.. maybe i needed an outlet.. my eyes were wet and i went to the washroom for a good cry... this job has been a torture up till this day... despite the pay, it's not something i enjoy... although i love the counterparts and partners, i simply hated to be superior to anybody.... i hated the hierarchy... i hated office politics... i've never had a job which i had to drag myself to work everyday and everyday i dread going to work...
had a teleconference... i could understand what was being said cos it's straight forward but my boss had to question me... fine... i couldn't perform... so be it.... i dun wish to care for the rest of the day and i simply didn't want to respond... as long as i know what i needed to know.. i dun care...
the guys asked me out for dinner... of course i gladly went... talking to them makes me take my mind off the matter for a while... makes me feel a bit better but the moment i am alone and not talking to them, the issue comes back again.... i decided not to let them know cos i dun wish another earful about being a perm and how to tahan a job... i know what they were gonna say and i simply was not in the mood for it...
i just need a shoulder to lean on and tell me everything is ok... just a hug to assure me things are gonna be ok... it's been a while since i had hidden myself in somebody else's hug and found security.... i miss that...
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