This time round, I kept most of my own thinkings and discussion strictly to myself, my brain and elaine...
i made up my mind to leave on sunday night... especially going through the whole two months with the team in my mind.. asked myself if i really wanna be here and stick it out with them... i replied no... there are some ppl whom i wanna stick out with, there are some whom i dun... i dun mind doing things for gary, for beyond xtreme.. but for the current workplace, unless the issue arose from india... i would hardly bat an eyelid....
so i sent in the letter on mon morning to big boss... he was understanding... he knew what it meant for me to be leaving... esp when the situation is not clear and not stable.... he was in no position to ask me to stay.... i passed him the letter and went back to work...
after a short while, boss came and spoke to me.... of course, she needed to speak to me... she asked me what was the reason for the abrupt leaving... well, she must have seen my evading eye contact... she knew i was not performing due to the recently announced news... she knew it impacted me very badly esp when i had a family to feed... but yet at that point in time, i refused to open up... i clamed up and kept the rest of them out of my life... but to me, that's all over.... the letter is out and there's no turning back...she shared with me on her feelings about the team, how she felt when the issue was brought up. she had been here for 3 yrs and she felt strongly about it... this was the first time she shared things with me and she had opened up with me....
in the evening, i spoke to india side... as expected, the outcome was not happy.... it hurts me even more... it seems as if i have abandoned them for my own happiness... esp when nitin and i have basically slogged out way through the thick of things and to this stage where a lot of things seem to be much more clearer... we worked well together... with tikku as well... we are one big blur family.... i'll never forget that... never forgot the nights where we spent figuring out the files, the cst, sub d...
after that conference, i sat in the office.. looking at my laptop and the various timelines that we have... the milestones that we've reached..be it moving to production, pestering partners till the files come in finally, clearing cst... i've got all that written down.... now we need to see the sub d and merger coming through.... i wondered to myself, should i leave now and dump everything to boss and india? am i able to give myself the green light?
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