Of friends, bucket list & you...

I've been meaning to write this post on friends for the longest time.... i wondered how to put it across so that it doesn't sound mean or rude.. but oh, what the heck...

Friends come and go in my life... I've been hurt very badly by a lot of them as well.... I guess the worst one was the ones whom I knew from Starbucks when I broke up with my ex... well, to cut the story short, I was cheated of almost $10k... *heart pain!!* which is why i am very cautious when it comes to making friends... however, as most ppl would say about me.. i'm somebody who does not learn her lesson... *nods head in agreement* I still give all my best in friendship and still wonder if i will get hurt by friends around me... I do that kind of thoughts once in a while.. always wondering if I put in 100% at this, would I end up getting myself full of bleeding cuts and bruises? I guess I can feel the hurt very vividly in my tiny little heart... even if as much as I wish to give everyone all.. currently, i can say i'm fortunate to have friends around me... ppl like cubix, mayling, joslin, sharon, poovan and a whole bunch of other ppl who does come and go but everytime we meet, we are still the same old ppl... maybe out of this bunch, one or two of them might cause me hurt but sometimes, maybe it is the journey that matters...

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Some of my friends might have noticed the bucket list on my msn handle... some of them have never heard of the bucket list.. i never did either until i saw this movie where 2 patients whom are both dying ended up sharing a ward and started talking about a bucket list... to define a bucket list it is the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket aka die... here's a couple of videos about the bucket list



This is from one of the guys I know who set out to fulfil his bucket list


I attended a short seminar on bucket list on Sat night and yes, it was a mind blowing experience... and thanks to this seminar, i had my own bucket list which I set to fulfil and the group of the ppl who attended this seminar are going bungee jumping at Macau on 1 Nov as they all have bungee jumping on their bucket list... for me, I might go and give my support... and sheesh, the height freaks me out... no thank you...

So what is on my bucket list? Lots... at first I thought it was just career stuff that I wanted to fulfil but as the seminar went on, more and more of me were dug out and yes, even the part which I truly do not wish to face appeared on my bucket list as well... I knew I had to get it done bcos I had even dreamt about it and woke up crying... so I knew this would be the first one I needed to do... so I picked up my mobile and smsed my ex bf... after which, everyone came round and gave me a good hug... and yes, I cried... it's been such a while since I unlocked everything in me and cried...

So we set off as a bunch of better and stronger persons to fulfil our bucket list... be it hard or easy.. all it takes is just a little step and hey, u are a step closer to your dreams...only if you dare to dream of it... all of us went to marina barrage to fly kites at midnight after the seminar in order to help one person fulfil his bucket list... and yes, the feeling is great!

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You, were something i chose to lock it deep inside me... didn't want to say anything else except at times I would write to you on my blog... bcos i felt if someday you would remember me, u would at least knew how i felt during your absence... the truth is, although, you are not around physically, u were always there in my heart... be it when i was working in little india for that short period or the place we had drinks in the hotel or even something happy i wanted to share with someone, you were always there... u never left... maybe i am silly.. the same silly girl who was screaming when she first saw cows and our porky pigs and not forgetting the bunch of puppies who i had carried despite their dirt and all...

During this one yr, I woke up numerous times in the middle of the night wondering if i should die the next day and i hadn't told you what i wanted to tell you, would anybody be able to reach you and tell you how i felt? would anybody even know how much you mean to me? Maybe this is what we call fate... for some weird reason, despite all that has happened, even if i didn't wish to speak to that lady again, i couldn't say no to you. you still mean the world to me. which is why i am grateful for your responses that night and this time, i trust that they come from the real you that i have believed you are all this while... i dunno what will happen to us after this, i dun wish to assume or jump to conclusions... i know you will speak when you are ready, like you always do after our huge fights... and you know i am still here.