i couldn't sleep last night and sat up thinking about how has life been these days... all of a sudden, i thought about a person whom i have long forgotten... somebody who let me down and hurt me so badly... my ex bf... then it dawned on me that it has been a while since i looked at certain things and think back about the times we were together... i remember this line from some show that "slowly, bit by bit, you will forget about the person and someday, you suddenly remember this person, you know you have forgotten about him and have healed completely from the hurt and wounds..."
I called up Gary last night... it's been a while since we talked to each other.. he's found a job over there and has been busy working.. he was kinda surprised to hear from me... so naturally he thought something was wrong with me... *sigh* we talked and managed to catch up... i did ask him about what i felt and he said that, that was how he felt towards me at times... after we broke up... he was devastated and gradually as time goes by, things start to get better and my shadow has slowly left his life until the time we met on the road again...
we did question why did we break up in the first place... to be very honest, it was me... a young girl who first started her college life with new classmates, new things in her life and she decided that she didn't want to be bounded by a relationship, she wanted to be free... that's why she exchanged the relationship for her freedom... give me a choice to choose again, i would never choose to give up the relationship... a few close friends at that point in time, did tell me about this but i chose to ignore it... oh well, he's somebody's boyfriend now... can't regret...
we had a heart to heart talk last night.. lasting for almost two hours... asking each other what did we actually learn from our past relationships... for me, it was that love cannot be measured against a scale... it doesn't mean that if you put in this much of love, you will get back this much of love... it never happened in my case... from my recent break up, i also learnt that if somebody is to change, nothing you do will win him back... absolutely nothing... be it six yrs, infinite no of years... looking back, all the things that i've done to get him back was so silly... but when you are in a relationship, you will do the dumbest things... but i have reminded myself numerous times that the next relationship that i go into, i shall learn how to find a balance.. learn how to grow with the relationship and not grow into the relationship...
i did ask Gary what was the thing that he learnt from past relationships... the only thing he told me was regret... he regretted trying to tie me down with the relationship, he regretted all the things that he did which caused a strain in my own previous relationship... so at this point in time, he has learnt self-restraint... never to do things that he will regret later in his life... i'm proud of him... truly... after a very difficult time to make things out with me again, he managed to get back with his present gf who is a very wonderful lady... he has learnt how to treasure her and i'm glad that at that period of time, i did not choose to be with him again cos i know she was waiting for him and she definitely loves him more than i do...
We talked about our own morals about relationships too... i said i wouldn't step into a relationship knowing that the other party is still attached or he has just broken off with his gf... i want him to be very sure that he's not using me as a rebound before i go into a relationship with him.. he told me that he wouldn't do the same too... but he would at least tell the girl that he likes her and just that... cos it's only brave of a guy to do that... but if he comes in between the two of them, then he is despicable... I agree... be it guy or lady... it's plain despicable... even if at the end of the day they get together to be man and wife, it still cannot change the fact that one of them broke up another one's relationship to get to this stage..
ok.. enough of love issues... hopefully, my next relationship will come soon...
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