To an old friend....

Spoke to an old friend today and she expressed that her relationship with her boyfriend is driving her almost mad... every min of the day, she's thinking about her bf, every hour she is free, she wishes to spend with him... things got worse when her bf went on a trip overseas with his friends and being apart for one whole week, she naturally felt she wanted to spend more time with him... however, for the past few days he's back, she managed to only catch a glimpse of him...

she's upset about that... but on the other hand, she wishes to break out of this rut... but her personality is such that she is seen to be one that is aloof and pretty much high up there by most... so as she perceive it herself, she doesn't have much friends and nothing much attracts her attention as much as her bf does.... not even shopping...

to that friend, i gave her my most blunt remarks... if she is not gonna change that mentality of hers, nothing is gonna change... if she dun try, she never know what is she missing.. to her, at this point in time, i might be so frank and straight to the point that it hurts... why have i changed all of a sudden? why have i not adopted the usual sensitive and subtle method to listen and talk to her?

reason is simple... when i was in my longest relationship ever, i was in the same situation as her... craving for my then bf's attention and moping at home, hoping that i can spend some time with him... during those yrs, i lost most of my friends, most parts of my life and most importantly i lost my character... all because i felt i loved the man who was holding my hand when we were out....

but i realised that looking back, the more i crave for his attention, the more restrictive he felt.. the more he wanted to break free... i remember my girlfriends used to call me "the disgrace of women" as i was such a little woman... of course, i fought for the things that i felt it was right or mattered to me, but all my time would be devoted to him and him only...

after i realised he had found somebody else and betrayed all my trust and my love, my whole world collapsed... imagine the only person that was your whole world left you and you are left to lick your own wounds.... left with a whole mind of questions of why and how is my life gonna be without him... of course, the usual tears and heartache happened for a really long time... i had to start from scratch to learn how to do things for myself, do things myself and be able to stand tall on my own...

the period was difficult.. with a few friends like sharon, ken and a whole bunch of other friends, i spent my time crying in starbucks, spent my time crying over the phone, spent my time out of the house cos each time i am alone i would think about calling him...

now, i can see him on the streets and feel nothing about it... looking back at it, i realised the relationship i had with him was never one with love.. maybe there was in the initial stage, but when i started to crave for his affection, it was never love anymore... it was the simple thing of being scared of changing, being in self denial that the relationship is not working out anymore...

so n0w, i wish to be frank with this old friend.. the period of accepting new things in your life, be it a new activity or making new plans for yourself instead of thinking full time about your bf is going to be tough.. but as long as you wish to open up and push your hand out to others to ask for help or assistance, a lot of your friends would be there for you... a whole new world will be there for you to explore.. if only you want to... relationship can still work out with your bf but you still need a life for yourself... learn to do things for yourself, learn to love yourself more and then people will start to love you even more...