All of a sudden I didn't know how to laugh again... eyes puffy from tears... it's the situation i got myself into six yrs ago... maybe it's retribution i tell myself... i had other choices i didn't want to take then... i chose to reject the good guys on the pretext that i wasn't ready... but yet when i was ready, it turned out not the way i wanted...
i was out with the girls for shopping... they wanted to cheer me up... but all the labels didn't make me smile.. all the stupid jokes they made made me laugh but i know i wasn't laughing from deep down... and i know they could feel it... why torture yourself like this? if you chose to believe and love him for who he is, you should have expected such results... all relationships have a chance of having that ending.. and u know for yours too...
from the day u chose to be together, u know what u were getting into... u chose to let others influence your trust in him... u chose to distrust him... it is your choice...
as i move from one appointment to another, i put up a brave front... ppl who knew and ppl who didn't know.. all sensed that something is wrong with me... classmates from school were concerned why i was quiet... i did the same thing i did in india... i drank and be merry... i didn't want ppl to suspect something was wrong.. i was successful this time... we talked about how difficult we felt during our schooling days.. how much we wanted to give up the course.. and how each of us managed to hold onto each other and made it thru... deep down, i was grateful cos during the most difficult times in my life, he was there for me... no matter is it when i decided to move on from hp, when i took up the course, when i felt i was running this race on my own or when i felt i was gonna lose my dad, he was there... u know, i still remember one night after class, i was taking a long bus ride home after i rejected a classmate's offer to work for her company, i sent him a text msg saying that i must be mad in one way or another... i told him everything was wrong and i prob have lost it... he replied saying that he believes in me and everything is gonna be alright.. somehow, that gave me strength to believe in myself again and move on...
kate ang.. u some how manage to screw everything up... work, school, relationships.. almost everything... u're getting good at it huh?
2 comments:
It will all work out in the end Kate! I'm counting on it! It may not be the way you want it, or think it should, but in the end, how it will turn out how it's supposed to. I know that doesn't make it any easier, really, but it's what keeping me through the next few years!
Whoa... come on, don't be so hard on yourself. There's always light at the other end of the tunnel ok? Hugggzzzz
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