Cubix and I went on to enjoy a delicious Christmas lunch at one of the hotels... though my throat was painful and I could hardly even swallow, I made myself eat a fair bit of amount of food... some how in my tiny brain, the only thought that came to mind was that I had to eat to get better... when I got home, fever came back and I slept through Christmas, despite the thought of sending christmas wishes to my beloved friends... I was too sick...
I met Bev and another colleague for dinner the next day... got drenched in a bit of rain.. and i got my hands on the TVB series "Mysteries of Love" by Raymond Lam.... I spent my whole weekend watching it.... what captivated me was how heartbroken the female lead was when raymond lam broke up with her and how she coped with life after that. And eventually, when Raymond Lam decided he wanted the relationship back, the female lead showed him the scars that she did to herself in order to forget him... that struck me hard...
it brought me back to my last breakup... where no amount of crying could help to bring the relationship back, where it hurts so badly that even breathing was painful... what was different was he never knew how hurt I was and how much I missed him during that painful period, how much I yearned for him...
As I laid on my bed, struggling to get well, the pain of being alone and sick came back to me again... I dragged my broken body to work this morning, only to find out that my network is not working and my migraine had been triggered as I pushed myself to work so that I could block out all other thoughts... Resigned, I went to the doctor again and this time with 2 days of medical leave. I came home and went to bed again... and thoughts came flooding again...
Although it has been 2 years ago, sometimes the hurt comes back to haunt me... and like what my friend tells me, " it's time to let go, find somebody else new", you wonder when will that somebody new come along... even if they stand in front of me, would I be courageous enough to accept it? I took a leap of faith when I started another relationship and found myself full of wounds in an abyss.. would I be that brave to take that leap of faith again?
3 comments:
Time will heal, my friend...and the right one will definitely come. Sometimes it's not about our timing but God's timing, remember? Wishing you a speedy recovery and a wonderful new year 2011 ahead! :)
Katie... you're not alone.. it took me at least 3 years to forget all that had happened and I'm sure that there'll be parts of me that will never heal.. nonetheless, you still have friends around you.. and.. when are we meeting?
Jeannie: when are u free? let's set a date bah...
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